I have told my wife she can leave and take he kids with her, but I'm not sure if this is right.

I'm off to see a solicitor tomorrow to see where I stand legally with regards to staying in my home. My wife told me of the affair a month ago and 2 weeks ago I exposed her affair. This has stopped them working together, but she still tries to see him. She doesn't tell the kids where she is going because she thinks they don't need to know. I want to be honest with them but she won't let me tell them

I think when I see my solicitor I will be told that I'm entitled to stay where I am, but if I not then I've told her that if this is what she wants then she will have to leave and take the kids with her. She won't leave without the kids. So she will have to decide whether she can continue her affair living with me and the boys or find out how difficult it really will be without me. I want him to bank roll her and I want her to see the devastation she will bring to the kids.

am I right in what I'm doing

Regards
Chris

NO, NO, NO, NO,

She can leave WITHOUT the kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or she doesn't leave.

Don't allow this woman to take your children and expose them to his wierdness and immorality. You can bet her OM will immediately be introduced into their lives and leave them hurt and confused. She is the most selfish person on the face or the earth right now (as a wayward).

This will kill you in court if you allow her to take your children and move out. It is not good for your M prospects either if you want to save it.

Keep reading here.

h&p is right, you shouldn't let her take the kids! Your kids should not be snatched from their home to accommodate her affair.


She is not your mommy, you don't need her permission. Don't allow her to lie to your children. Sit them down and tell them the truth without her there.

she won't leave without the kids so therefore will live here and resent me.

That will be her problem. You have no control over her resentments. But you do have a responsibility to PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN and not allow them to be dragged into her filthy affair.

You don't sacrifice the well being of your children to appease their wayward, destructive mother.

Doesn't matter what she does. Have you read Surviving The Affair by Dr. Harley? Have you read about the carrott and stick of Plan A, His Needs, Her Needs?

Don't give into her demands and allow her to hurt your children with her selfishness.

Have you exposed her affair to anyone who could put pressure on it. Is the OM married, does his wife know he is having an affair with your wife? Exposure may just blow this little fantasy right up. Do not support her affair. If she continues to carry on her affair then split your finaces up and make her pay her half of everything. Do nothing to support her affair finacially (cell phone, car, etc.). Let her have a dose of reality right there in your home.

Regardless, do not let her leave with your children unless you want to make it easier for her to carry on her affair, expose your children to her sleazy behavior, to be relagated to an every other weekedn dad, pay child support to a woman who ruined your family and more.

Ditto what H&P and ML said!

I have just spoken to her.

I have asked her to read "Surviving and affair" to help her understand how she feels and she throw the book on the floor. She says I'm doing her head in. She won't speak to me. She says she wants to be with him and she will find out where she stand when she speaks to a solicitor.

I've asked what will she do when he becomes bored of waiting and her reply was don't think I'm coming back to you.

This is great!!

Chris, she is none too likely to be interested in reading anything when she is in the thrall of an affair. Telling her she needs to read a book to "understand how she feels" is a disrespectful judgement that is not likely to get you too far.

Treat her as you would a falling down drunk and understand that until she is seperated from the booze, she is not going to be interested in any recovery schemes. You first have to do everything you can to kill her affair. Once the affair is over, then you can move into the recovery phase.

For now, focus on disrupting the affair via exposure and protecting yourself and your children legally.

Chris,

Listen to Mel. Your WW is an addict at this point. Her drug is OM. She will sell you, your children, your future up the river for her "fix" because she is broken and all that makes her "feel" good is to be with OM and fantasize without worries, kids, responsibilities, etc.

Give her a dose of reality. Set boundaries (no yelling, threatening, screaming, love busting, disrespectful judgements, etc) but all the same boundaries. Don't promote, enable or approve of her affair. Expose, Expose, Expose. Don't threaten, warn, etc just do it. And when she blows her top simply respond "I am doing what I feel I need to do to protect our family and our marriage" and nothing else no matter what venom she spews forth. She is an alien being and will act that way as long as she is having her fantasy land affair.

Get started now, not later. Get an attorney (don't tell her), get advice, protect yourself legally, finanically, separate accounts. Protect your children with help of attorney. Call OM's wife, pastor, friend, parents, workplace (if a workplace affair) whomever can put pressure on this fantasy and help kill it.

Ditto again!

I've been to see a solicitor (I live in the UK so the law is different) and she has told me to sit tight. My WW can try and divorce me on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour but will have to prove that to the courts. I can start the divorce but I don't want to. I've told WW that I'm not leaving the house as I have every right to be there. If she goes for divorce the courts will give her the house the kids, so I may as well make it hard for her.

She has said that we should try and sort things out between us rather than pay the solicitors fees. I've told her she will have to destroy me and explain to the kids why she has do so. I'm not agreeing to anything as I want us to be together as we were before OP came on the scene. I'm in two minds to tell the kids more of what is going on when she goes out on Friday night, but I'm worried how they will handle it. I have 2 boys 6 & 8.