I have been married for almost 2 years (it'll be 2 yrs. in June 07) and we have yet to consummate the relationship. It is not because she doesn't want to, but physically, she can't. She has a condition called hymenal stenosis which means the hymen is small.

She was raised in a very strict Catholic family and as such did not have sex before marriage. We were together for 2 years prior to marriage and I granted her wish not to have sex until we were married. I have told her that I cannot live without sex and she wants it for us too.

Well, I'm still waiting!!!!

I have been very supportive, understanding, loving etc. but it's getting to the point where I'm losing my patience and don't know if I even want to stay married. I am so frustrated, angry, and feel betrayed, that it is ridiculous.

At what point is enough, enough? How much longer should I be expected to stay like this? I know she won't understand this, but I think I have lost the desire to be w/her and don't find her very attractive anymore. I'll be 37 years old in May, I'm married and I STILL can't have sex!!!?!!>?? What should I do?

Welcome to MB, ‘hubby. Wish it could have been under better circumstances.

Look, the two of you have a problem. From what you write, the cause of lack of sex is a medical condition. You can’t blame her for not having sex with you. What did her ob-gyn tell you when the two of you consulted with him/her about this problem?

Can you "have sex" in other ways? Intercourse is not the only way to be physically intimate. I wouldn't press it on her, but maybe you should bring up working around her condition. Is oral sex or hand stimulation out? You could both be physically satisfied by trying something like that together. I would just think that you both need to be involved (i.e. don't go off and masturbate alone) and that you are both OK with whatever it is you are doing (in other words, stick with things you are both comfortable with).

Please don't turn your affections to other people or things. An emotional affair or addictions that take the place of real intimacy are devastating to a marriage. If you haven't, you should read Dr. Harley's book Fall in Love, Stay in Love. If you both meet each others' needs, you can become attracted to her again. And it seems there should be ways to meet the sexual need without direct intercourse.

I hope you both will work to work it out! Good luck!!

There's no such thing as a "small" hymen since the hymen is just a membrane. However, if the hymen is too hard (to tear, that is), it may make coitus painful.
I will assume you did try to have intercourse and it was painful for your wife.
If this is the case, then a doctor can solve the problem by tearing the membrane cirurgically (local anestesia).
If you tell her there's a solution to your problems and she is not willing to have the problem fixed, then you know the problem is her Catholic upbringing and not her hymen <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

Good luck

BB

hymen-shymen
this is vaginismus (look it up)

this physical part of the problem is straight forward & easily remedied ask her GYN MD (there are devices that help)

IF she refuses to have this vaginismus issue resolved and begin having normal vaginal intercourse with you ... go to the Church & petition for an annulment ... THAT ought to be your boundary marker ~~~> her TOTAL willingness to do whatever it takes to begin her sexual life with you AS AGREED in her marriage commitment

this IS grounds for annulment in the Church ~~~> this is fraud on her part if she refuses to get the issue medically fixed