I am wondering if any BSs out there have been around after the affair ended but never saw any regret from there spouse.

My divorce was final in January and the affair ended at the same time. My ex and I are still trying to work out custody and she has even e-mailed me about us dating. But she never has said she was sorry for cheating on our marriage. Not in the slightest.

Have many of you run into this?

She, your EX WW is still wayward and entitled. She does not get the devestation that she spread. If she did she would be in front of you with eyes of remorse and be so distraught that she could barley talk. She doesn't get it.
I would suggest that she is trying to manipulate you in some manner to get something she wants.

What is going on with your custody that is taking so long?

I finally had enough of my Ex WW and told her that we would talk about having any sort of relationship (i.e. - friendship, acquaintances, etc) when she was on bloodied knees and not one minute before. I don't expect that she will ever get what she did to our family and if she doesn't then good riddance to her.

I want full custody of my children and so does she. I think she would settle for 50-50 but I will not. My lawyer has to prove that I am the better parent. In this state the cheating has no effect on custody.

I think you are right that she is trying to manipulate me with the emails about dating because up to that point she has acted entitled and like she wanted nothing to do with me.

I guess I am wondering if the main reason we couldn't recover was because she was never sorry for what happened even after the affair was over.

Be prepared to spend a lot of money on the custody battle. Full custody is rare and unless you can prove she is a physical danger to the kids it is very doubtful you will get it.

She may be manipulating you. And maybe not. So, IF you would consider reconciliation, I would make sure you dont do anything that would love bust her.

Fighting for custody is not love busting!

On the remorse issue...it takes time. My wife still hasnt fully ecpressed remorse. It seems to be slowly coming out over time.

Be patient, protect yourself and your kids...and be prepared.

And how is it yo uare divorced without a custody agreement?

What state are you in? Also, the cheating is one thing but what about the fall out of the cheating....teaching your children about immorality, lying, deceiving, manipulating, and so on and did she ever put her affair partner above the needs of the children. This is more than about cheating. This speaks to character or lack thereof.

Also, sole custody can be the "best" way when there is an adulterous spouse. There is so much tension, hatred, spite, resentment, and anger that co-parenting with that person is a pipe dream and the fallout from too many interactions with that person will NOT be good for the children. Someone needs to be "in charge" so to speak in cases like this in my opinion. Being divorced from an adulterous, cheating, lying, manipulating sppouse is much different than being divorced from someone from whom you or they had fallen away, lost touch, etc. Completely different!

Mortarman -- divorce, custody, and property settlement are all treated separately here. Can be together or each issue settled separately.

Hopeandpray -- your thoughts are my thoughts exactly. This is not going to be pretty. All the lies and cheating for so long were bad enough but she never seemed sorry for any of it and I don't think we can ever have a good relationship. She sacrificed so much time with the kids to be with the OM and showed so little interest in there needs that it isn't fair that she should get them now that the affair is over.

I don't have much money but I will spend whatever to keep my children from being influenced by her present lifestyle.