There's nothing wrong Holy, just going through a natural stage. You put all your anger and resentment to the side while trying to save the M, but once it's over and the fight is gone it starts to come out. I'm mad that she destroyed the family. I'm mad that she never tried at all. I'm mad that she's never even looked back.

I'm alright though. It's not like I walk around pi$$ed off all day. I cut up in real life just like I do on the forums. That's just me. It's kind of how people are down here. I'm not unusual at all. He11, I'm pretty tame compared to some people I know.

Take Care

Practice your salute. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

There are times now when I have to push my anger and resentment aside! He77, I had to do it last night as he is texting me from the bar hanging out with his buddies! Where am I? Taking care of the house and kids...as usual...

Where exactly are you from?

Born and raised just outside of Houma,La which is 60 miles S of New Orleans. Now live in Youngsville,La which is SE of Lafayette. So I cover the SE and SC part of the state pretty well.

I am an Ohioan. Boring up here....

Your WH has such a tough life, huh HM?

Yeah, I hear the bar rooms up there are full of Hos and Scoundrels.

Here's everything I know about Ohio

It's in America.
It's North of Baton Rouge.
Nothing rhymes with it.
You live there.
It's bar rooms are full of Hos and Scoundrels.

Did I miss anything?

Family he has the best of everything. And he knows it.

CAn I go Dark now? I am sick of this. Last night he is asking to come over today, and now he is making excuses NOT to come over, because his check was mailed to OW's house and he has to go pick it up. I said and that takes all of 2 seconds....and a change of address form.

I did it for 8 days. Is that long enough?

no.

no.

no.

Come on girl. We asked to to hang in there for ONE MONTH.
You can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

How did you react to his statements? Friendly? Happy? Or did you lovebust him about it?

Cuz everytime you do that you have to start over your Plan A. Don't sabotage yourself.

I said there is plenty of time to get your check and still be at the house like you promised. He said Why do you have to start again..please don't do this now.

He doesn't want me to be mad at him for EVER seeing or talking to her. He BEGGED to come over today. And what does he do??

He keeps walking all over me. Regardless if I am nice or if I am standing my ground. He even said there are no reprecussions to his actions.

What do I do?

Okay, I will get shot for this BUT here goes.....Holymoly, I don't know your marital history or the state of your M pre affair but if it was a good marriage with the normal pitfalls any marriage has and you were a good mother, wife and friend to your WH it is my opinion and experience that your plan A may not have the desired effect you are looking for.

In any case a one month plan A is a no brainer and should be done to the best of your ability. However if my assumptions above are true and your WH at the end of that time continues to cake eat and or carry on in an affair then I would promptly move to plan B and let the consequences of his choices hit him squarely between the eyes.

Only you know about the state of your union pre affair so you have to decide. I guess what I am saying is that if your M was already full of plan A activity and such (with all the normal problems any M faces), then further plan A could be construed as weakness and being a doormat imo.

Well he just sent me a message saying this:

WH: My change didn't get into the HR in time. I have to get my check so we can pay the babysitter. I will be at the bank by 5

Me: Are you planning on coming over

WH: [censored] YES! And I am SO F'ING DONE WITH HER. DONE. I just need to get my check.

What do you experts think?

And as for our marriage, we had severly neglected each other and took each other for granted. He has already commented on my Plan A personality. But I have a real hard time with someone KNOWINGLY being an a-hole because there are no consequences!! That is SO AGAINST my personality.

HM --

Gotcha. However -- this isn't about you or your needs.
It isn't about your need to not let him get away with things. Its not about whether it fits your personality.

Have you read "his needs, her needs"???

Plan A is about you understanding his emotional needs and meeting them in a way that PLEASES HIM.
Plan A is about recognizing the flaws that existed in your marriage and being committed to CHANGING THOSE FLAWS FOREVER. (not just until you win him back....)

In RECOVERY -- you will get the chance to teach him what you've learned, and work together to build a solid happy marriage. Then you can negotiate so that he is also meeting your needs in the way you need them met.

But you don't get to make any demands now. Is him coming over tonight worth this battle? If he comes over with a negative attitude because of being hassled - do you think that will work in your favor???

Clearly OW is pressuring him. You have the opportunity to be the CALM in the storm....instead you are pressuring him too. Very likely, he will start saying he wants to be away from BOTH of you!

DAM! I KNEW THAT!!! He was rather enthusiastic about wanting to come over. Is that a good sign?

I asked for an interlibrary loan for HNHN, but haven't gotten the book yet.I am actually looking forward to reading it. If it takes too long I will just buy it.

I didn't LB, but I was rather firm. I hope he keeps his word.

This morning I got a wake up text from him telling me he missed me. I said I did too. Then it went to I am not worth it. Let me go. Blah Blah Blah.

Do they all do this? He admits to being depressed, but come on!! We have one good day together, and the next several days are met with him being so down!

WHY??? I then send him jokes and tell him I will make him smile...doesn't work. Now he won't talk to me at all! ACK!

He wants to come over tonight. I told him if he only wants to see the girls, I will leave. He seems weird today. He obviously started off missing me, and ended up not wanting to talk to me. WHY?? What happened? I didn't LB or say anything hurtful!

Is this normal?

Holy, Don't look for anything normal from the waywards. There is nothing normal about them, what they say, what they do....Don't try to read too much into what he is doing. You work your plan and if he gets then he gets it and if not your still work your plan without worrying about him and his reactions.

Did he come over last night?
What happened?
I'm having trouble following your story....

Wasn't my new date June 1? I figure it is after our baby's 2nd bday party...so then would be a good reminder of our happy family and then KABLAM!

Since I opened my emotions back up to him I have been missing him so much. I see him and I just want to hold him. I miss him so much. I miss his hands. The way he smells. Everything. He wanted to leave some clothes at our home. I found myself holding his clothes.

Has anyone else wanted to go into Plan B? The constant up and down is driving me NUTS!!!

I saw WH yesterday and he wanted to talk about us. So I did for a little while. He keeps rehashing the same stuff over and over.

He says he is scared that I won't change.
He is angry that when it came to the kids, he felt as if I put them before him

He actually asked me if after he divorces me, can he still date me. I said no.

He said Wed night that we are not a family, and that he has no feelings for me. Yesterday he tells me he cares about me, loves me, and worries about me everyday.

CAn we be friends? I said no.

AGAIN he brings up inappropriate relationships that he has with women who he swears are friends. I ask if he is sleeping with them. He says no, and if he was, I would be the last person he would tell. He later admits to having the relationships he does have with these women is crossing the line.

He refuses to quit the bar, and says that is why he doesn't want to come home.

He says he wants nothing to do with OW.

He says he wants to be there every night to tuck our girls in to bed, and if he can't do that than to be at the house everyday for at least an hour. I laughed and said that isn't enough. They miss you.

He said he thought that even if we get divorced that we could remain close. That he thinks we do better dating than married. I said if you chose divorce, I don't want anything to do with you. He said I never thought about having to live my life without you.



Any thoughts? There wasn't LB'ing from me, and truly I didn't say a whole lot.

Wow, I'm thinking PERFECT!

This guy wants to be the ultimate cake eater.

He wants the best of both worlds.

You and the kids should NEVER settle for his crumbs.



Well make him think!

He is in great need of Plan B.

You're doin fine in my book.

Thanks BC! There are times I think something is wrong with me because I PRAY for my Plan B day to come. Mostly because I have a VERY HARD TIME SAYING NO TO HIM. And he knows it! I have grown stronger...but he knows exactly what to do to make me melt and I hate it!

He keeps telling me I am making it hard on him. WHen I ask why he says because he has noticed my changes, and thought I would be happy with him leaving.

He also said he is tired of us being stagnant. And we both used the same word at the same time. He realizes SOMETHING has to be done...he is just confused at to what that is.

He also asked me why I have been "waiting" for him. I said I wanted to be married to him, and I see that he is not healthy right now. He said I know I am not healthy. But when I asked him what has he done in order to get healthy, he says "nothing." I talked to him about getting AD's, because he really needs them. I also started to say "I was waiting for you to" and he interupted me with "gro up" and I said YES!

Is he starting to get this? Or is this more babble?