I know every person is different, but it seems to me that everyone here sees the exact same things coming out of the Wayward's mouths.

My question is...

Did you as a wayward jump the gun on every decision you made? Like, immediately filing for seperation when you were discovered?

Basically, I am wondering why my husband is doing these things? What is he afraid of?

Hi, missing,

He is afraid that if he doesn't act swiftly enough, that the fantasy he is living, which in reality is little more than Jello in his hand on a hot day, will simply slip away, lost to him forever.

God bless,
Gimble

I see what he is afraid of. It just came to me when I was talking about it with my brother in law.


He filed for seperation, because he wanted to make it look like we were split up BEFORE he started seeing this girl. I have straightened out a few people in regards to his "seeing" someone new.

Hi, missing.

In his heart, soul, innermost self, he is afraid. He is afraid that what he is doing is not real, so he does what most humans do, he runs toward it twice as fast, afraid that the fantasy will escape him.

In his mind, the way he feels right now, is a feeling that he doesn't want to lose. So fearing the loss of that feeling, he will burn down the gates of hades chasing it so that it doesn't get away.

He fears the loss of his fantasy. The other woman is just a pawn in the game.

Anything that interferes with his fantasy is his enemy.

God bless,
Gimble

Well, I know for a fact that good will prevail here. I believe it with all of my heart.

We had a great relationship. We can have a great one back with a whole lot of hard work.

Also wondering...

I have a good idea as to why this has happened. Basically, WH is turning 30 this year. It has been a sore spot withhim recently. I am afraid his inability to deal may have gotten the better of him. Too bad... but in the long run, this could help us and our marriage be stronger.

He just has to take that step.

mmy,

My FWH planned to divorce me, move into his own apt., and then tell us, me and the kids,that "after" the divorce, he "stumbled" on this new person and voila!! New life for him. Didn't work out that way. They got caught.

Too bad for them ...

Just to show you a wayward will do almost anything when caught in the fantasy

Hi, missing.

I want to caution you against making excuses for his behavior. I really appreciate the heart of a woman that can see through the pain and have sympathy and understanding, but don't offer him excuses for what he is doing. You can hold him close to your heart, but in the real world, you have to let him face the truth and the consequences of his actions, unimpeded.

You are right, he has to take a step in the right direction, then another and another. He has far to come in order to put things right.

So, let me ask you for something - a promise. There is no obligation for you to make it, but there is likely to come a time when everything is looking pretty rough, and some guy is going to come along and be understanding toward you. I want you to promise me, that no matter what happens, until your marriage is done, you won't do what your husband has done.

I will make you a promise in return. I promise you, that if you keep it clean, no matter what, then when everything is said and done, you will have a confidence about yourself, and a sense of accomplishment that you never thought possible.

What do you think about that?

Gimble

Believe me. My marriage is far from over.

I am fighting for it everyday.

As far as I am concerned, there will be no other man in my life. He is it.

And, I am not making excuses nor feeling sorry for him. I want him to hit rock bottom. I know he will.