Wow, what a busy weekend!!

But I had a good laugh. The license plate on my truck says
"LUVNGMA".

So my daughter & I went to the Loaf & Jug after having people here all day for my 3rd grandson's baptism dinner to get a chai tea and soda. There was two guys walking in a head of us, and the one is looking at my plates and I said to my daughter, yeah I am a grandma, she laughed. We went in and I was getting me my tea and this one walks up and says (He is probably only 30)I have to ask what does your license plate mean, I said Loving grandma he says I win I told you to the other guy and then looks back at me and says really? Yep I said I have three grandsons and the guy goes no way!!! Yep way! I'm thinking they are probably the only guys I'm going to have in my life for awhile!!!

Maybe that is what scares guys off, they don't get the privelege of parenting and they would just jump into being grandpa!!!

If nothing else the encounter made me smile and I need that tonight. I was feeling alittle blue/sorry for myself, and missing the man that I had married, not the jerk he has become!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />Dawn

Well, you're ahead of me....I have two men in my life....my 14yo son and The Diplomat who is a 2 hour flight away and who I see only every few months - will see him this coming weekend for the first time since Thanksgiving.

Update......

B contacted my friend before he knew I sent an email of introduction, which was nice.

My friends did set up a meet on Sat night. The four of us went to a restaurant and had a chance to talk.
I found him to be nice looking, he's talks easily, has never had any children of his own, has been separated for a year, and is not yet divorced. Boy did my gf drill him! He told me thru email he was a bit surprised by her questioning. I'm surprised he contacted me again, but....

He tried to see me again on Sunday eve, but it was my daugthers birthday and I wouldn't leave her, then he offered for her to come, and I had to explain that I don't involve my girls in my dating life.
He sent an email the next day apologizing, and telling me he never considered that.

He asked me to go for a ride on his boat yesterday and I accepted. He brought along a friend, and that was fine, so there was little chance for further get to know stuff.

So, to this point, I have not had much one on one time, but from first impressions, I see a dead end.
I can't find any common ground and there's something about him that reminds me of my x. That's the kiss of death right there!

I don't find him to be very attentive, and that could be his military background, I'm not sure. An example.....after getting off the boat [which he did help me there] we walked up to a restaurant. I found it odd that he walked a good 3 ft in front of me. I would have thought, more beside me. Puzzling to me.
There really has been no flirtation on either part, and I think I'm okay with that.

That's the update as of now. I will report more if it happens.

k~

K,
Great to hear that you've met. So you didn't get a buxx.
Would you give it another try on your ground? Say, at a restaurant/coffee shop more in your comfort zone.

Regardless of what happens next, I believe each date gets you closer to your match, and helps you see more clearly.

Karona, maybe this guy is a dud. I didn't like the fact he brought along a friend. But don't overthink things. I am proud of you for going. Yeah, Karona!

K, at least you got a boat ride out of it. And depending on the size of the boat, you might need 2 people to operate it, or if on a trailer, drive the trailer.

I learned something new this weekend. Apparently, Jdate is not just for Jewish people. I guess shicksas can use this site too. Not that I will, but it was interesting to hear.

good for you for going karona!
at least you went.

mlhb

karona,

You went and that is good!!!! Don't look at it as a dead end!!!

Let it be a summer romance, a few dates if it developes from there then so be it.

Have fun with it!!! And enjoy! If it's not enjoyable then bail out!!!

Dawn

AGG: I don't think that dating multiple people makes you a player. However, I understand. I was dating multiple people for a few weeks (trying to meet new people). I felt guilty even though I wasn't lying to anyone. Then it was really tough "breaking up" with the others when I decided to be exclusive with one guy. Still, I don't think it's a bad thing as long as you're honest.

Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Ugh, this is the part I am not clear about. On my first date with J, I made it very clear that I do not intend to become exclusive with anyone until I know them much better; to me, it is a commitment of sorts, and I am tired of making that commitment to someone I hardly know, only to find out issues with them and then having to "break up". J totally agreed. So, from that standpoint, I am honest with her.

OTOH, this was a month ago, and I have not made it a point to "remind" her of my approach. So, is that a lie of omission? I don't want to do that, but yet am I supposed to remind her every week, "honey, remember, I am not yet committed to exclusivity?" Wouldn't that be the proverbial "present" in the punchbowl?

AGG

Karona: Just because someone doesn't turn out to be your knight in shining armor doesn't mean it was a waste of time. Did you have fun? You deserve to have fun. It sounds like you noticed some things that bugged you. That gives you a better idea of what to look for next time.

Thanks Dawn!

I find for myself, I can't look at things so simply. Several of my friends tell me the same, and I have a hard time with that thought of going for fun without thinking of more than a fun date.
It's hard to look short term after having been married for 18 yrs.
I need to work on that!

K!

You are right fb!

With every dud that I have, it does make it clearer what my dealbreakers are. However, it's also what makes me want to give up on the whole thing, UGH!

Thanks for your thoughts!
K!

I understand what you're saying. It's a hard call either way, to remind someone, or assume they remember. My best thought is:
Avoid physical intimacy. PI brings many emotions and feelings of more than casual.

K!

agg, advice from mlhb lol
i know you love my words of wisdom

i don't think you have to remind her.
if a guy tells me he is not ready to be exclusive with anyone i will assume he is dating others as well as me. (although i personally have a hard time with that.. but i can't multiple date)
i would imagine he and i would have some sort of talk when and if the time came he wanted to be exlusive.

i would not expect to be intimate with someone who was not ready to be exclusive, that much i do know.

and i would not let all my true walls or feelings show with someone who was not ready to be exclusive, a protection mechanism i guess.

but if i am not showing you all of my true self, how can you really know the whole me and know if you would want to be exclusive with just me?

hmmm..
now i have confused myself!

mlhb, the true blonde

Well, I have another reason to avoid intimacy anyway, as the STD results are not yet in. Crap. So I guess that's a good excuse anyway. But of course, I understand what you mean, K - once that cat is out of the bag, the relationship goes to a whole new level, one where I am not yet sure I want it to go with J.

AGG

I do!


Yeah, that would be my thinking too.


[quote]but if i am not showing you all of my true self, how can you really know the whole me and know if you would want to be exclusive with just me?[/qupte]

Well, I look at it as peeling back the onion layers - first you meet, and decide you have enough interest to meet again. Then you meet again, and decide there is enough interest to see each other again. Etc etc. At some point you may decide that you have enough interest to not see anyone else - it does not mean you fully know the person, there is still lots to be discovered - but you know enough to take that chance.

Of course in my case, it is always the day after I throw the eggs into that basket that the bottom drops out and some horrifying discovery is made. Maybe that's why I hate becoming exclusive these days <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

I was going to respond to you with something like this, but didn't want to be a downer... This is pretty much where I'm at, too, less ready each time to try again.

Either a horrifying discovery, or once the issue of lust is out of the way, there's not enough else there to sustain a LTR.

Karona, AGG, LetsTry, fbwidow, et al...

I just have to tell you, after reading this thread it has SOOOOO thrown me back into some funny...and some NOT-so-funny "dating years" memories.

By now you'all know me a little, right? I'm not a spring chicken--in fact I'm mid-40's <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />--but the fact is, I'm not dead yet and I did want to share my life and love with someone. Sooooo...like you guys, I waited a while after my D, got my head on straight, got financially situated, and decided, "Hey, I think I'm ready to try this!"

You will laugh at me/with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I thought, "Well, I know me. I'm smart, funny, articulate, intelligent, honest, loyal, Monty Python sense of humor (shift + F7), like football, know how to rebuild classic cars...the guys will LOVE ME! I will have NO PROBLEM finding a date.


...crickets...




(cough)



HELLOOOO...is anyone out there?? Heehee <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

It turns out that I am, indeed, a smart, funny, articulate, wonderful person...but the men I was finding were--ummmm--not my cup of tea (let's say). I went out with one fella a couple of times, and it became apparent that he wanted a quick PI relationship...and I wanted to reserve that for commitment. I dated another fella a few times, and while he might have been a stunner for someone else...he was a (YAWN) for me. I met another guy whom I had a HUGE crush on at my coffeeshop...and we went out once and it just never clicked. What the heck was going on??

Well, I decided a couple of things. First, I decided that for me there was "dating", "exclusive", "engaged" and then married. I decided that although "dating" was not even boyfriend/girlfriend level...that I did not have the kind of makeup that allowed me to date more than one person at a time--not due to "exclusivity" so much as getting confusing! Yes--my social calendar was too heavy if I tried to date more than one person at a time!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> heehee! So I decided I would "get to know=date" one man at a time. Second, I decided that I would examine and determine the KIND of character qualities and personality traits that I was looking for in my ideal mate. I determined rather quickly that I did have a few preferences when it comes to looks (like, I prefer a taller man) but that I could also easily overlook a physical preference and find a man attractive if he had some OTHER characteristics and qualities that I greatly admired.

(NOTE to the 40-something fellas: I don't think women our age care if you're a little overweight, hair is thinning, or you have kids. We find you attractive if you dress well for your body, keep yourself clean and smelling good, take some time to look handsome for me, and you're a man who parents and cares for his children. If you throw in being a godly man and a good cook...WOW! What thin hair?)

So, after laying off a bit, I decided I would try again with some new technologies I had previously avoided. I kept my "list of qualities" close at hand, and I held the bar high. And I DID meet the man of my dreams on the internet! He has every personal quality I wanted (except being a dark, swarthy, Johnny Depp pirate type--he's more of a 50yo "daddy" type!) I dated one man at a time and took my time, because it wasn't like I was in a rush! When I started dating my current hubby, I liked him. I enjoyed him just on a "what a neat person" level. I admired him. I thought he was cute (he looks a little like a hobbit and so do I)!! And the more I got to know of him, the more I like, enjoyed, admired and found attractive.

Karona, I know you think "What is the POINT of this?? What's the point of dating someone a while and then it doesn't work out?" I can tell you what the point is. The point is to learn about what TYPE of man goes well with you. The point is to learn what personality compliments yours. The point is to find out what you find attractive...and maybe WHY you find it attractive. The point is to make a WISER, MORE INFORMED decision the next time he asks you to be his wife and you say "yes."

Your faithful friend,



CJ

Faith,

Good info thanks for sharing!!!
I just want to have little romance in my life someone to smile at and to have smile at me, I am not looking for anythin more then that at this time.

I did smile and get the nod from the bowling guy last night and I did let it be known that I would be in the bowling alley again tonight as there is a tournament going on! So will see where it goes, if it ever gets off the lanes!!!! You never know I could strike out!!!!

Have a great day all!!!

Hey I got my room painted this morning!!!! I always paint a different room in my house over the summer, will start building my family room next week!!!! Would be great to be dating a contractor!!!!

Dawn