OM is not divorced, he is separated. This happens before he became involved with WW. His wife left him for another man, who she now lives with. If he has gone through half of what I am going through, I just can't believe he can do it to another human being, knowing the suffering it causes.
I will consider the phone call to OM parents but I don't think it will have been intercepted as WW and OM did nopt know about it.

braeworth, do you know his wife's #? She should also be told about the affair, since it may very well be that he dumped her for his affair with your wife. She is still his wife, after all. The part about her living with some guy is a) irrelevant and b) probably a lie if it came from the OM and WW



This is what worries me the most. If the parents did recieve it, I would expect them to lambast him, and for him to call your W. If he intercepted it, though, I would expect it end up in the shredder with nothing said.

No I don't know OM's wifes name, # or anything. I am quite sure that she had left him. long before WW's A but I will make some enquiries.
WW also said last night that OM's parents knew she was married, don't really believe that

You could find this out from his parents, perhaps. How come you are sure she left the OM before the affair? Where does this intelligence come from, brae? And even if she did, they are still married and she still has a right to this information.


Let me see. So he brings home a lady and announces that "she is married and is screwing around on her H." Somehow I don't believe that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

ML. As i said, regarding OM's parents, I don't believe it either. I don't think letter will have been intercepted nobody other than me knew it was coming.
I will do some more snooping.

I would follow Mel's advice and speak with them Brae. Don't lose your nerve now.

OK I will try and speak to them. I will first wait and see what transpires tonight. If WW mentions anything, or if OM has or has tried to contact her.

I would bet this is a lie! As a matter of fact when I speak w/ OM's wife I would make sure that OM gives reason that they are not together is her being an adulteress.

I wouldn't be to afraid to bet that they are not together because of OM's affair with your WW OR because he has cheated before this.

braeworth - awesome job with exposure - you set a good example for me - i hope i can follow thru like u did when it comes time for me in a few days

Not a great night!!!
WW told me she didn't want to be married to me anymore, she wanted to be with OM.
I explained that if that is what she really wants then she can go, but I will never have anything more to do with her and will fight her for everything including custody of DD, as I am not having her living with OM.
I said that her priority should be to save our M for our our DD, she said that she knew that that should be her priority but right now she wanted to be with OM.
I explained to her that as parents we are supposed to be showing DD an example and that her lying, cheating and complete disregard for our marriage was not a good example. I told her that I thought she should do what was right and give our marriage some time with OM completely out of the picture. She was reluctant but agreed that it was the right thing to do and agreed to continue with what she had said at the weekend i.e Give it until the end of October, with NC to see if her feelings return. I explained that if NC is maintained her feelings should return, although she said that she doesn't think they ever will.
She said if her feelings start to return then there is no problem and she will stay and work on our marriage.
When I analyze all this I guess nothing much has changed. She is deep in withdrawal at the moment, she was very sad and low last night and I am just hoping that it is just withdrawal/fog speak.
I spoke a lot last night and it was hard not to sound like I was lecturing her.
Comments from the pros much appreciated

Withdrawal sucks. What can I say. The worse withdrawal is, the more you can be confident she is maintaining NC.

BigK. Thanks for that.
Do you think this changes anything or not really.

A poster called Snowbelle posted this a long time ago...


Be supportive, understanding and loving. She has to come out on her own.

She must agree to inform you of ANY contact or attempted contact. ANY Contact starts the withdrawal clock from zero again.

Recovery is dependant on NC.

It's par for the course, changes nothing, more of the same.

It's actually quite positive how bad she is feeling as it is an indication she is maintaining NC.

Yes, but what about her threatening to leave and go to OM, do you think that this is just because she is feeling so low. Is this kind of thing normal during withdrawal. I asked her this morning if she had accepted that the A was over and she would never see OM again, she said she had.

DON'T ASK HER STUPID QUESTIONS.

Next thing you will tell me you believe her answers.

SHE DOES NOT KNOW HER OWN MIND

I cannot say this any clearer. It's ALL fog!!!!

BigK. Thanks, I posted before I saw your other posts.
I am being loving and supportive. I held her last night and told her that if she needed to cry just go ahead and that I was there for her if she needed to talk. She said it would be unfair to cry on my shoulder for an OM, but I told her it was OK because I wanted to save our marriage and I understood how difficult it was for her.

Very good Brae.

I guess I already knew this was normal for Withdrawal, I am just worried about ensuring she stays long enough to get through it.