Okay my first couple posts here i realize were all a bunch of emotion. Im looking for some real guidance at this point. Im ready to make my life better and do what i can to save my marriage.

Brief details.

wife cheated. I busted her. She moved out to a friends house which happens to be in same apartments as OM. I know she is still talking to him at this point and also PA at the same time.

She still sees me everyday. We talk on the phone and text and IM. She even wants to date with me.

What i have been doing to make things best as i can

Got child into Counseling.
Exercising
Eating better (taking care of myself is one complaint)
Went to Doctor and getting cared for
Making house warm and inviting.
Ive been sending her emails everyday just cute little things that she responds well to
I talk calm and peaceful
Ive been letting her know i know everything and its not a secret. (this is angering her and even making her turn on her friends thinking they are informing me about her activities. but its all my work detecting and extrapolating)
Ive been here for her.
we have hung out just being nice to each other and i have avoided the subject as much as possible and been direct and brutally honest when its brought up.

What i havent been doing right is im still allowing my emotions to rule me around her. Im still giving up parts of me to make her happy. Im still whorshiping her and doting on her when she is around. I know this isnt Plan A. Ive done my best not to accept blame so that is good but i have been letting her know im aware the things i didnt do well and trying to improve those.

Shes been exposed to everyone. I cant find OM pregnant GF to tell her but once i do i will. She keeps saying its almost over with him and saying she loves me and that we can try yet continues her plans to get her own place.

So heres the guidance i need. How long is enough of Plan A?

I couldnt find examples of a plan b letter does anyone have a link i can look at?

How do limit contact with her in plan b when she watches my child everyday while im at work at my house because i wont let him go anywhere else for fear of him being around the people that are wrong for him?

I think its really important for me to move to plan b soon so that i can reestablish to her that in order to "try" with me like she says i have to come first not the other guy. But i dont want to make it so that its too soon because this is going to anger her. When im not loveable to her and generally distant (bad emotional days) she gets angry and wants to know why im being a jerk.

I don't think you are ready for Plan B yet. You are still waaaay too emotionally attached to her. You would not be able to do a Plan B right now, I am afraid.

Plan B is to protect what little love you have left and to help prepare you for divorce.

Is that where you are right now?

I believe MB says that a guy should Plan B for at least 6 months much longer than for a woman).

Can you continue to study up on Plan A, and try to pinpoint where you can improve on the plan...for now?

Ark has written some excellent Plan A threads if you can do a search on her name.

I could be wrong though. Please think about what you hope to accomplish before you go to Plan B. Has that been accomplished?

Plan B can and does sometimes lead to divorce.

Keep talking about it here and perhaps you can gain insight as others learn about your sitch and can advise better.

Just thinking about your sitch a little more...



It kind of is Plan A because in Plan A you want to be the more attractive choice. You also want to show what it could be like in the future should she end her affair.

However the letting your emotions rule is not attractive and is not Plan A, so you are right there.

It is best when you are trying to win back a woman to let her talk, talk, talk and you show nothing but interest.

If I were in Plan A, I would not bring up the affair at all, but I would do like you and state my truth when she brings it up.

You have to be close to no love in your old love bank to be able to plan B, and if that is not the case then you won't be able to do it.

And as others here say, you only get one chance to Plan B.

Welcome. I'm really not one to help you with this because of my history but just out of curiosity, what's with the screen name?

seemed to fit my mood at the time

Theres always a bunny somewhere in my nicknames and i wasnt really feeling alive at the time.

Thanks for the advice i guess ill just keep plugging away and be the best i can be.

Its really hard though to know when she leaves my house shes going to him or talking to him and not bring it up or let it hurt me.