So, WH called me this morning to ask why I had dropped by his work yesterday. (I had gone to get the garage key for our old house so that I can clean it out, and to give him a print that I had picked up for him)

Told him why, and then asked why he wasn't there. (I had driven by his parents after I lef there, and he was there) He said he had a migraine (something he has never in the nine years I've known him had)I told him I was sorry and asked if he was feeling better. He said yes. He then asked me if I was going t odrop in today, and I told him yes. He said he would see me then.

I drop in after work. He has the key ready, and I ask if he can come out to the car I have something for him. He hurries ahead of me and beats me to the car (he always walks fast) so I open the car door and reach in. I pull out the print and he asks what it is. I tell him to open the bag, and he says, "Wow. Where did you get this?" I tell him I saw it and I thought he would really like it. He says he does, then thanks me.

He asks me about the car and tells me he can get it in to be fixed on Tues. I tell him that I cannot afford to buy the parts for it, with me moving to a new apartment, and he says he can't afford ot pay either.

I the nask him how things are at his parents. He says, "okay" so, I ask him what his plans are as far as living arrangements. He says he has to stay there because he can't afford anywhere on his own (like I can when I make less than him) He has started to walk away by this point, so I say to him, "Well, you know I love you and am here for you if you need me. And, you know that anywhere I am living is your home as well. You have a home with me, please don't forget that."

He looks at me and says, "Ok" then says he will see me later.

I go do what I have to do, then bring the key back. I run inside really quickly, and he asks what was left. I tell him, and hand him the key (while he flips through some papers pretending to be busy) He then says he is going to take the rest to the dump, and I say ok. Then he says, "Well, I'll see you later" and I reach over and touch his arm. I say, "Yep. See you soon"

I turned and walked away. (waited to cry till I got in the car)

Did I do okay?

Hi, missing.

You did fine.

It's really hard masking emotion through all that pretense. He was bothered more than he let on.

I recommend that you take a couple of days off of the wayward husband wagon. Don't call, or pursue, don't take his calls. Just cool it for a day or two. Watch a couple of movies, plant some flowers, do something else. Call it a mental health break if you like.

What do you like to do, missing? Hobbies?

God bless,
Gimble

Don't really have any hobbies.

I went out with a girlfriend for a drink. She told me something interesting about WH.

Basically, her cousin works at a local coffee house. We (WH and I) have met this girl once or twice before. WH has been going in for coffee every morning on his way to work.

This girl has asked how he's been doing, and every day, he has the same answer. Says he is not doing well. Life pretty much sucks. This girl ahd assumed that it was our marriage (but WH has been gone for 2 months)

I feel a bit better about his "lack of emotion"

I would do some checking - maybe have your friend help you, to see if he is really staying with the other woman. That happens all the time.

He is staying at his parents. But, he has been hanging around the OW a bit. (not much)

Ended up calling WS about the apartment I looked at. Told him I would let him know where I am moving, so that is why I called.

He was so nice on the phone. Completely unlike the man I have been dealing with as of late.

???????

Stop giving the WS info. Save that for your H.

L.

So, tell him nothing?

How will that get him back?

Tell the Ws nothing. You want your H back but not the WS, right?

L.

So, he can know I am moving, and that is it?

What about inviting him over and stuff like that... you know, to be the best wife I can be? How wil lthat work if I don't tell him?

I have a question about Plan A.

I have already done my part in bettering myself. Everytime I speak with WS I am happy, loving, concerned, etc. I ask questions and give my opinion if he is interested.

Thanks to the infidelity diet, I now fit into my old clothes (and clothes I had purchased before that didn't quite fit just right lol)

The man I have spoken to as of recently is starting to sound like my H, not WS.

I know he is still a ways away however.

What I am wondering is...

What sorts of things are acceptable as far as depositing love units?

Little gifts, sending lunches to work, being happy and upbeat, asking how he is, etc?

I have not had an argument with him in weeks. In fact, the other night, he called me about something being missing from the garage I had cleaned out, and was quite angry assuming I took it. I explained that it had not been there when I went in, and have no idea what happened ot it. I was very calm, rational, and as he hung up, told him I was sorry I couldn't help.

When I talked to him the next day, he was very nice, and actually took the time to talk to me for a few minutes... something I have not been granted in two months.

I will be moving this week. He knows what street I will be living on, but I will not give him my phone number unless he asks for it (as the H... not WS ~thanks Orchid~)

I will continue to be kind and thoughtful. Is it wrong of me to ask him about his family? ie. How is Nan, Papa, etc.?

His mother dropped me like a ton of bricks when she found out. Don't know what he told her... but I have become the enemy in his family (while two months ago... I was her daughter)

Also curious as to how I should treat them? I thought about sending her a mother's day card. Should I? Maybe to build the love units with her as well?

Ay advice by you all would be appreciated.

Don't worry about his family. The WS usually spins the story so that YOU are the one to blame. That way they make their sleazy behavior seem not so sleazy. Or that is what they think.

I would send her a nice card. Say nothing about marriage or her son.

Then continue on making a good life for yourself. They usually come back to the wife.

I am quite sure he has spun his little story. I can usually tell what kind of man I am dealing with by the way he greets me on the phone. Yesterday, it was my H. The day before, my WH.

I just hate the deceipt his mother is believing. I am afraid that a card will be conceived the wrong way.

Ditto Believer's comments. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for the WS/H syndrome, don't over do it with being nice. They (both WS and H) can't handle too much nice. It will push him back to being a WS more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Scary illogic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Just continue as you are, learning to distinguish and engage in good convo when your H surfaces vs the WS.

Those interactions will play a big roll in destroying the Ws. Ws and OPs (the A as well) thrive on you being angry, frustrated and confused.

Show them a good BS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. Reverse babble if you need but don't show fear.

take care,
L.

I have to learn the reverse babble thing. I read the thread on it in your signature a little while ago. I just have to remember to remain calm while doing it.

I have gotten myself to thte point that I can talk to him without getting frustrated. Just have to stay on that bandwagon...

Good job.

As for the RB, I had to practice. Sounds silly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I practiced in front of the bathroom mirror until I had it flowing. It helped me dish it out as part of 'normal convo' when I had to interact with the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

The only R talk with WS was the other day when I mentioned that he is welcome to come home to our marriage. He did not say much, just replied, "ok" then said he had to go.

He really hasn't given me much of a chance to talk, so there isn't much use for RB... yet.

I will practice so that I am ready though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good. Best t/b prepared. WS' usually babble some off the wall illogic.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So practice w/b a bit 'weird'. I made sure my windows were closed. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

I just thought of something as far as babble goes...

When I received the letter for WH lawyer as far as a separation agreement, which listed everything he wanted from our separation, I talked to WH and he told me that honestly, he didn't care about any of our belongings. This was babble wasn't it?

He has since become indifferent to our stuff. When I called about the apartment yesterday, he asked me if it was big enough for all of our stuff to fit in it. (yes, he said our)

Also, as far as the lawyer talk went... He kept sending me emails saying that I had to call his lawyer etc. and I flat out refused saying a legal separation just doesn't seem necessary when we can deal with this stuff ourselves. He said that he agreed (then why file??) and that we should discuss this together (but not if we are going to talk about our feelings)

He sent me one last email about the lawyer and said that she told him I had to contact her and tell her what my intentions are. (I should have said my intention was to be married to her client for the rest of my life lol) I told him I had spoken to a lawyer I know (I work in a restaurant and see plenty of lawyers everyday... but this was a lie) and he told me it was a waste of money and time to be going about being separated this way. Thankfully, my WS is gullible. He fell for it hook, line and sinker, so not only does it keep me from making withdrawals with arguments about signing papers and stuff, but there has been no mention of lawyers, separation or divorce since. Also, it has kept the fighting about our belongings at bay as well, because he has now told me that he wants me to have everything for my new apartment.

Our softbal season starts in less than a month, and as far as I knew a few weeks ago, my WH told me there was no way he was going to play because I was just going to make trouble for him. I told him that he knows he can trust I would never do anything to hurt him, and that I wanted him to play because he is an awesome player and would be a great asset to the team.

In a conversation with our manager, he said that he was not going to play. Period. Manager said to him, "Well, that is your choice. You and missing were invited to play and it is your spots on the team. We are not going to kick one of you off or come between the two of you. If you both want to play, you are both welcome. Missing has agreed that she wants to play with us, and with you. Your choice." WH then said he would give it some thought and maybe he would after all.

Keeping my fingers crossed, because what better way for him to see how happy I am than during our two nights a week playing a sport we love?

How long should I go without speaking to WS?

I am off work tomorrow, so I was wondering if I should stop in to see him? Maybe bring him some lunch?