My family hasn't been very supportive of me and my attempt to save my marriage.

My sister particularly.

She just sent me an email (I have not given her my new phone number) telling me she would appreciate that I stop mentioning my H when talking to friends and such because SHE just saw him at a garage sale with his girlfriend.

Since when does any of this have anything to do with her? This is why it has been so easy for me to just let go of all of it. I have no one to turn to but myself and God. (and all of you here)

Why is it so hard for them to understand that the two of them spending time together is going to help ME? Am I crazy for thinking this???

Missing-
You are doing a good job in your plan B. However, I'd advise not talking about your WH with the family or such. Its obviously bothering them, but mainly its because it makes you spend time thinking and talking about this man while you are in Plan B. Plan B is a time for you to get him out of your mind (yes, I know this is excrutiatingly hard). Not only that, but word can get back to the WH that you are still obssessing and giving im attention. Drop him as a topic.
Do not contact WH. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking he can put you up ona shelf and take you down when he is done with his sordid fun.
You are a strong woman, you can do this.

Thank you Mojodiva.

The truth be told, I have not spoken with any of my family about WH because they are not very hopeful for us. My mother asked me if she could go to see him the other day and I told her it was not advisable. Not yet anyway.

The friends I do talk to him about do not even know him. Have never met him, so I am not worried about that. And, he avoids all of our other friends (cause his affair friends are much more fun to be around) so, I know word is not reaching him.

I actually don't have a problem thinking about him. What he is or isn't doing is not bothering me.

I know if he showed up on my doorstep wanting to talk to me, I would break down and just grab him and never let go. That, I have to work on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My sister saw WH today with the OW. And, rather than just let it go and not tell me, she hurriedly let me know.

Then, her boyfriend decided to rub a little salt in my wound and continuously mention it. Including putting it as his msn messenger name.

I am physically spent. I have no one to turn to anymore. I feel like I have been abandoned by everyone. I have no one! No one I can rely on. No one I can talk to. I just want to curl up in a little ball. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Hi, missing.

Quote:
========================================
Then, her boyfriend decided to rub a little salt in my wound and continuously mention it. Including putting it as his msn messenger name.
========================================

What a gem he is. Maybe your sister will get a clue then get a better boyfriend.

Tell your sister that you don't want to know.

The whole world hasn't turned against you, there are still a few of us around that think the world is a better place with you in it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No matter how you feel right now, in the morning, the sun is still going to shine. Birds are going to sing and life as we know it on this planet will continue. So wake up in the morning, fix yourself a cup of coffee, look out the window and listen to the birds. You do that and think about this Gimble guy, somewhere in another part of the country, doing the same thing you are and he will be thinking about you.

God bless,
Gimble

Thank you Gimble.

It's a date. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (I'll settle for oj, cause I am not a coffee drinker)

I have been feeling so good about everything. About where I am in helping my marriage to survive. Then, to have people try to purposely hurt me like this.

You suddenly learn who your friends are.

Hi, Missing.

I hope that you awakened to lots of birds and sunshine this morning.

I hope your day goes well!

God bless,
Gimble

I don't know about the birds cause I had my windows closed, but I did awaken to my cats pestering me because their food dish was empty. lol I did think of you though when I did wake up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The sun was brightly shining, and with the help of my cousin, I am starting to see my new apartment looking more like a home.

I also went and washed my car today, which will be a huge surprise to my WH. That was the job he always took such pride in, and it really needed to be done lol.

Hi, Missing.

I hope you had a good Sunday.

My daughter (she is 27 also) and son-in-law came down on Saturday and took us out to eat for mothers day.

I was thinking about her today and about your situation. Her difficulties are not marital, but she is under a lot of pressure in some other areas of her life. As a parent, I want to jump in and fix it all for her, but that would be the wrong thing to do, and would leave her without the experience of working through it on her own.

You have a tremendous challenge ahead of you, but you are going to be surprised at how resilient you really are, and how prepared you actually are to face the difficulties ahead. It won't be a smooth road, or a straight one, but you can not only get through this, but come out stronger on the other side.

I will be following your progress daily, so be sure and let us know how things are going, even when nothing much seems to be happening.

God bless,
Gimble

Thank you Gimble.

I have already noticed a change in myself. I am a different person then I was 2 months ago.

I know all about the parental aspect of trying to fix my problems. That put a wedge in my relationship with my Dad for a couple of weeks. I understand he does not want t osee me hurt, but he was saying horrible things about the man I love, a man who is not well at this time.

Anyway, things are better with Dad. My problem now is my sister and her cruelty. I've decided it is better for me to put her in my Plan B as well. I will not let people walk all over me anymore. I can't.

I have a question. I did not send my WH any type of Plan B letter. Our last conversation (face to face) consisted of me offering him a future together, and my last email to him (when he told me not to contact him anymore) told him what he can expect from me as his wife as far as our marriage goes. When he did reply to tell me not to contact him, I replied back that he must do what he feels is right (about his lawyer) because only he knows what is best for him.

Is that an okay way to go into this?

Hi, Missing.

I think the best approach might be for you to prepare a "Plan B" letter, but just keep it in a drawer in case you need it.

He has told you he didn't want contact, so your telling him you don't want contact will just seem like a power game to him. That won't make things any better.

I like what you have decided to do about your sister. Maybe she will wake up a bit in a month or two and try to offer you some support, especially if she sees your parents taking a healthy approach to your relationship and your plan.

Quote:"I will not let people walk all over me anymore. I can't. "

Good. You don't look like a doormat :-)

I think you are on a good path. Do you have plans for fun things to do in the near future?

Gimble

LOL! Sure do!

Softball season starts next week. I know WH was hoping I would not play this year, which would mean he wouldn't have to see me. I then told him that I was playing, and would really like to see him do the same. He told me he could not play in our league, because he "knows" I will try to "start something".

I told him that was his choice. Although somewhat silly because he knows me better than that.

So, as far as I know, he will not be playing. (but, I know he will be keeping tabs on me this way)

Thank you for your advice Gimble. Today started out as a gloomy day... it rained a little when I walked to work, but the walk home was filled with sunshine. I know it is going to be a good day (especially since I was supposed to work all day, but was asked to trade by a co-worker)

Night time is starting to get really hard. And lonely. I don't know what to do with myself.

Although, the thunderstorm we are having is nice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Missing.

The last thunderstorm here blew up about 5 grand in electronics. I like rain without the electric light show :-)

Be good!
Gimble

I am having one of those days today. I am having a hard time right now. I just want to talk to him. My heart is racing. I kinda feel like I did the few days after I found out.

What do I do?

Hi, missing.

Go take a long walk at the park, or down by the river.

Buy a McD's and eat the ultimate sin.

Grab some bread and go feed the pigeons. If you are really feeling aggressive, then chase them instead.

Got to the mall and buy a pair of shoes, or at least look.

Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book and a glass of wine, and occasionally look out the window and watch the sun set.

Tell God thank you for such a good life.

God bless,
Gimble

I went out for a coffee with some friends. I also asked one of them to be my intermediary with WH for me.

I am still feeling a bit anxious. It almost feels like something is brewing. Intuition or something, completely out of nowhere.

(for those that believe in that anyway...)

How was your marriage for the first 5 years? Did you get along well? What things did your husband complain about?

Marriage was great! Never a complaint. My H and I never really fought (once every few months) and we did everything together.

Friends always said we had the best relationship because we truly are best friends. It was like we were one person.

We have been together for 9 years, and it has been the same since day one.

This is why it was such a shock to me. We have always gone everywhere together, and very rarely been apart. That was how he wanted it.

And, even on the odd time he was out without me, he would talk about me. I was always told after the fact how lucky I am to have someone that loves me so much.

I still wake up some days and think to myself this is all too surreal. I must be dreaming.

I guess that is why the people that know us are so sure that my going dark will bring him back. Right up until the day he walked out, he has never not said he loved me. There has never been a day that he didn't hug me, or want to just sit and relax with me.

So surreal...

And what is the story with the OW?