Not much of a clue.

What I can tell you is that this past October, we ran into someone H went to highschool with at a hockey game. Said hi to him, and that was pretty much it. We started to see him more and more at these games, and eventually started to go out to the bar across the street after the game.

Neither H nor I are big drinkers, so it was always one drink, then home we went.

In January, I had to work and could not go to one of the games. H went and met up with this guy and another guy friend. H called me in between periods (I had gotten home kinda in the middle of game) and told me he was going out afte the game and asked me to join them. I told him I had just had a shower and kinda wanted to stay home and relax. H said he would be home in about an hour. He did not walk in the door until the bar closed (about 4 hours later after getting a ride from his guy "friend")

He was plastered and said alot of horrible things to me in his state. I got him to bed, and next morning told him what was said. H was very sorry, and apologized.

Another night... H goes to game with the guys, and goes out after... does not come home till closing. Once again, drunk. Is all lovey this night. And, we have a nice talk again next morning. (I can confirm he was with the guys this night)

We spend one weekend playing snow pitch (softball in the snow) in a tournament, and on the Sat night, I had to work, but H went out with friends. Called me a couple of times to ask when I would get there. I show up, he is ecstatic to see me. He is getting really drunk, so I suggest I get him home. He agrees, but right then, "friend" shows up. H tells him we are leaving, but friend goes and buys H another drink anyway. I am angry, and H knows. Drinks up quickly, and we leave.

H apologizes for friends behaviour.

A couple of weeks later, we go away on our trip. (Which was somewhat panicked, because I did not get my passport until the day before we left) H was on the phone everyday that week with passport office over this. Anyway, we go and have a great time. Only one argument and that was over new sister in law wanting everyone to dress up for dinner on the day of the wedding (H was not keen on wearing his suit anymore... so he was grumpy) and we argued over his being selfish.

We come home late on a Saturday night. Went to bed exhausted because our day had started at 5 am (mine at about 3:30 because I could not sleep our last night on ship)

Sunday, we got out and visit my sister and kids. H had been on cell phone with "friend" on the drive to sisters, and told em to go ahead in he would be in in a minute. Kisses me as I get out of teh car. He comes in about 15 minutes later.

We go home and H picks a fight. About going to play hockey with "friend" I say nothing. Just kinda said it would be nice to spend some time alone together after having spent a week with his family. H just glares at me, then says, "That's it." and leaves. He usually drives around for a few minutes when this happens then comes home, but that night, did not.

Comes home next morn, and says we will talk later. When I get home that night, his stuff is gone.

What I have found out about OW is that she is a friend of "friends" girlfriend. He had been calling her since late January. I know where she lives. Her phone number. And, have found her Facebook page (which is how I found out about her friendship)

I also know he took her to a hockey game on Valentine's Day (when I was at work) and had told me she was a friend of a woman he worked with (who is a lesbian...)

Phone calls to her were on his drive home from work.(or, just after I had gone to work on Saturdays... but weird thing is, he always called me from home on Saturdays as he always did or was always tehre when I called him)

Usually when I am at work, we talk on average two or three times.

Aside form this, I have no idea about her.

Hi, Believer.

Don't you have a link to your story? I think that missing would really enjoy reading about your trials.

I hope you are well.

Gimble

Gimble - My story is all over the place. But I'm now happily divorced, and strangely the affair ended about a month after we divorced.

Missingmyhusband - I'm sure he will be back. It does sound like he shouldn't drink though.

Your job is to keep busy, taking care of YOU. Don't expect anything from your husband. When you see him or hear from him, be upbeat and pleasant. But right now you will need to rely on yourself to meet your needs.

I stayed busy raising my self-esteem out of the toilet. I joined a women's support group, volunteered, started a garden, detailed the car, cleaned and organized the house, started my own business, got a pedicure, went out with friends, exercised, went to church, etc. It made me feel better.

And what is up with your MIL? Sounds a little strange to me. Why was she so involved in telling you?

No idea. We have been back and forth over the years with her. One particular instance was when I was dealing with my eating disorder. I have had two bouts with that since I was about 16. This second one was difficult because my MIL kinda made me feel horrible about myself.

She kept telling me how great I looked now that I lost weight. I asked her (as did H... after explaining to her my difficulty) to please not make comments like that because it did a number on my self esteem (making me think that I was doing a good thing by starving myself) She found a way to turn it around and make ME feel bad about how mean I was to her. H and I did not speak to her for a year after that (which also helped me to recover)

Since then, there are still snide remarks. She has told H's nan that she is to never mention me being beautiful, or looking nice because it will upset me.

On the day that I stopped by our old house to hand WH the key to the truck, I informed MIL that my marriage was far from over, and that I was not going to walk away. I also asked her what she would do in my situation if me FIL had said to her he just "felt" it was over. Would she just walk away? She informed me that yes, if that is what he wants, she would.

I laughed and told her she was a moron then. (I couldn't help it... it just slipped out) I then asked her what it is I had done to make her hate me so much, and she informed e that there were so many things over the years. I asked her to name just one then. One instance that I was so horrible to warrant this treatment. She would not answer. So, I looked her in the eye and said... "I thought so"

Don't get me wrong. I love this woman. She was there for me when my grandparents died. (she works in the hospital and hugged me when I went down to her department after they had passed) She hugged me when WH went to live there and I stopped in to see if they knew anything at all. She made me eat that day as well. She knew I had been so stressed that I had not eaten a thing in a week.

I just don't know what changed when my WH spoke to her that morning. What could he have said???

Thank you Believer. I truly hope you are correct about him finding his way back. And, he is a bad drinker. He knows it, and it is part of the reason that he does not do it. There is another reason as well, but I will leave it at that.

I have been working so hard on me. I used to have low self esteem, but I have learned to look at myself and see how beautiful I really am. I have not let the temptation of anorexia sneak in again. That was my family's main concern when this all happened. I'm just really missing the time we spent together lying around. Doing nothing but enjoy each others company.

I'm sure your husband has spun a story to your MIL. Otherwise he would look very guilty. So he has made you the bad person. But don't worry, they all do that.

I'm glad you have been able to deal with your eating disorder. Now is the time to double up on taking care of yourself. I can't tell you how important it is to start doing things that make you feel good. At first, you won't want to, but just force yourself. That is what saved me. It gave me something to feel good about everyday.

Continue being pleasant to his family and friends, but I wouldn't confide in them. When things are driving you crazy, come here and tell us. We have all been through the same thing, and know how awful the hurt is.

Husbands usually come back to the marriage. He has less than a 3% chance of staying with the other woman. But she is like an addiction right now. So think of him as a drug addict trying to get his fix.

So, I wait. While moving on.

The plus side is I do have some things to look forward to. Unfortunately, for the time being, I have lost both my H and my sister (which also means my two nieces and nephew)

The funny thing is, on the day I moved out of my sisters house, my youngest niece (who turns 2 in August) asked me for a hug. That little girl held on so tightly and for so long (something she has not done in the month and a half I lived there... let alone her nearly two years) It's like she knew she would not see me for awhile. It makes me sad to think about it.

Why can't people just understand? Why do they have to be so cruel? Telling me I was the reason he left. She is my sister for crying out loud!

Anyway, I've done enough venting for tonight. It's off to bed for me.

Well, tried to get off to bed, but found myself sick instead. Some kind of stomach bug which is keeping home from work today.

I guess I can use a day of rest. Just gonna relax and watch some Springer. Lose myself in someone elses problems for awhile. lol

Well, didn't watch Springer. Ended up doing some house work instead.

Received another email from my sister. She is pissed. But, I am doing this for me... not her. (and honestly, I just don't care about her anymore)

What is the big problem with sis?

I can only guess she is hating her life, so she has to piss on mine as well.

She asked me to come stay with her. I did my best to stay out of her way. I did not involve myself in their affairs.

I found this new place, and had been trying to get the help to move into it. She was trying to get rid of me ASAP.

Our last conversation turned into her telling me all of the reasons why WH cheated, and they were all my personality traits. (or at least the ones she imagines I have) Then, when I did get people to come help me, she was on her way out and says, "So, I don't want people in here while I am not here..."

Did she want me to leave or not?????

I am getting fed up.

The city I live in is way too small.

Don't I go out to get a tea at Tim Horton's, and am stopped at a light, when I see my truck sitting at the lights already waiting to go through.

As he drove through, I just know he was watching me.

I am needing some advice here.

How do I go about explaining to WH that our friend will be the person he speaks to when he needs to get ahold of me, or I him?

Would an email explaining this suffice?

I would have your friend contact him.

The lies never end...

Even about the littlest things.

My question now is, Why do the WS start to avoid anyone that has contact with the BS?

I just found out from a friend of ours, that the minute he found out that she and I have been talking, WH has avoided her and her husband like the plague.

Here I was thinking, good... a friend that can maybe help him a little. Boy, was I wrong.

They avoid most things in their "old life". I think it makes them uncomfortable and guilty. My ex stopped seeing our friends, people from our church, our neighbors, and even my sons. They are in a hurry to move on to their new fantasy life. But that always ends.

Well, it is really starting to piss the friends off. They are all concerned about him. Maybe he sees it as them taking MY side, but they aren't. They are on OUR side, and want nothing more than to see us happy together again.

I slowly see him hitting that rock bottom though. It's gonna happen soon.

Another day. I am starting to feel numb. Unsure of what I am doing.

I woke up today thinking, "Am I doing the right thing?"

I know deep down I am, but wow, it hit me. I think I am bothered more by the lack of his "real" friends than I thought.

Will the affair friends go away when the affair does as well?

So, hopefully I created some LB's by using the telephone today.

WH and our friend are having a disagreement over money owed to us. So, I took it upon myself to just call WH's work and ask what the amount actually is. His boss said he can only figure it out by going to WH and flat out asking him.

So, I said, "Go for it... but just tell him that "friend" called you directly"

Friend (when she gets the phone call from WH who will be furious that she called his boss to find out the truth) is going to say that she asked me how much, but I had no clue, so suggested she just call WH's boss.

Then, neither of us will answer his further calls (and I know he will be angry)

Wonder who will be putting up with his anger?

Gee, wonder who?

I just want to return to the topic of your sister and her cruelty. I have also done and said cruel things so I can put myself into her shoes.

Could it be that she cannot be patient with your pain, your slow and steady MB Plan, and she wants it "over with already" and resolved one way or the other? I'm not excusing her; but I was impatient and tired of hearing the same thing week after week when a friend was going through a prolonged breakup. She asked me the same things, time after time. I whapped back at her verbally.

It withered our friendship. Guess I learned patience the hard way.

Well, that would be a thought... if, I had confided in her.

My sister and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I don't trust her as much as I should, because she tends to get very angry, very easily, and can blow at any second.

She has always been that way.

I do see where she can be impatient, but at the same time, I think she feels hurt and let down by WH (a man she has referred to as her brother many times in this ordeal) Also, WH was supposed to stand up in her upcoming wedding and is the Godfather for her three children.

I guess they think I am being stupid for loving this man and wanting to save my marriage. They will all see one day. And, unfortunately, I have to let them go as well to help me do this.

My sister is still furious about it, and has sent me emails complaining... but I have no choice. I have to keep myself well, and dealing with her won't do it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />