Another day, another question.

I was sitting here thinking to myself, what do I do if he comes back? What do I say? Is it important for me to remain calm and rational?

Okay. More than one question. I stopped myself before it went too far. lol

I think the hardest part is wondering what HE is thinking. Is it possible he thinks of me at times? While watching a show we used to watch together. While driving around as we used to do. While shopping, or if he smells a certain scent, etc.

I just wonder a lot about that.

I'm wondering the same thing. My WH had to leave town for the past week because of his dad's surgery so he hasn't been with her the whole time. However, they have been in constant contact via TM. I was hoping he would use the time away from her to think about our situation. He is on his way back to her now and I wonder if I have even entered his mind once. I hope so.

Hey TWBD.

I would imagine I have. I know before no contact went into place, he thought of me at times, because I would receive phone calls from him.

That means he did think to call me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

But, is it possible he does more often than not? Or, what about dreams? I know I have had many of him. Pretty much every night. My dreams have never been the horrible ones I read about everyone else having though. Mine, are always about us, happy together, or reconcilling.

Before he left, we had been away on a cruise, and there was no way for him to contact OW. So, he had one week away. Of course, I didn't know then what was happening, but that week did nothing obviously.

I am not one to dwell on the past however. What happened has happened. What matters now is how we move to the future. My past marriage was not a success, but my future marriage will be. I know how now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are right, if they call then they must be thinking. I have the good dreams too. I too am not going to dwell on the past. I have already forgiven him; mistakes are made. I'm hoping for the chance to have a successful and happy marriage with him. I'm in it for the long haul and I still feel in my heart that things will work out. My patience will pay off. It's just hard to know someone else is taking my place right now. Keep being positive, you are my inspiration; you and the many others who have been providing guidance. Thanks!

I need to start taking my own advice then. My last post got me thinking even more, and now I am feeling really low.

Plus, I tried to keep watching that movie again. lol

I haven't heard a peep from WH and that worries me a tad. How long is too long for him not to try to contact me? I guess part of me is relieved because there has been no contact from his lawyer (after the threat I received) Is it possible that my 180 worked?

I guess we are going to have to rely on each other from this point on. Because, I just found my first trigger (I thought I was doing so well too)... and I'm not liking it right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My friend who will be acting as our intermediary has asked me to compile an email to send to WH so that he knows I mean business. Because I have not actually given him a Plan B letter, this email will state that I will not be seeing nor contacting him in any way (as per his wishes) and that our friend (and her bf) will be the one to collect monies for car insurance from him.

Is there any other information I should include in this email?

I think I saw some good Plan B templates in the Plan B forum. I used a lot of their words in my last letter to my WH (it wasn't supposed to be a Plan B letter but it ended up being that). I think, and I'm not a veteran here, that the idea is not to be threatening but to be committed; to say I still love you and maybe when you are ready to make a real commitment to our marriage, I'll be willing to talk to you about it. I redid it several times before I mailed it. I know if you post it before emailing, you can get a lot of helpful feedback from the real experts here. My WH left me a voicemail last night about his father but I haven't heard anything since and I know he is on the road. He usually calls when he is traveling; I guess he is calling her instead.

My sister called me earlier and said she wanted to send the OW an eamil. I don't know if it's a good idea or not but she is going to do whatever she wants, she always has. She won't be mean, but she can be blunt which is something I'm not.

Much like my sister had done to the OW. Except her payback was just trying to add her as a friend on Facebook, but through my WH telling me, OW was not happy about it.

My sister has also (as well as my mom) in the past offered to talk to WH, but I told them it was not a good idea. In fact, my mom says to me, "Now, if I wen to talk to him, and he says that he no longer wants to be married to you, would you want me to tell you?"

My response was, "Mom. You realize that is exactly what he is going to say, right? He is messed up and has no clue what he is doing."

I don't think she believes that, but, I've heard it in his voice.

Anyway, this email is not an actual Plan B letter. But, it is an email that should (if I know him as well as I claim to) tick him off enough that he will try contacting me. He hates other people being involved in our business, so having my friend email him about the money he is owing this month, will get him boiling.

I already know the plan from the other day has worked (even though he does not know it was me) so, I figure this should get him to the point that he emails me, calls me, and I won't respond. Tick him off more.

Just wondering if there is any other information I should include? Or, just be short, sweet and to the point (because technically, this email is from friend to him)

Hey WH,

The reason for my email is to let you know that I will be coming this week to work to pick up the car insurance money and satellite money you owe missingmyhusband. The amount is . If you have any questions, email me back or call me on my cell. Since you have told missingmyhusband to never contact you again, I will get any messages that you have for missingmyhusband to her, and vice versa.

Thanks,

friend



How is this?

Short and sweet. Looks good. I keep hoping the phone will ring. I won't answer if it's him; I guess it's just knowing that he is still thinking about me. How sad.

It's not sad at all. I know my phone won't ring because he does not know my phone number. He will be able to find me though if he really wants to.

Hang in there. We both have to.

I am not a quitter by any means, and if it means I have to drag you with me, I will. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WH just called my sister's house looking for me.

I have not told her my number, so therefore, they can't give it to him.

Oh, he called back there again. Waiting to hear from my brother in law as to why...

Thanks! He should be home pretty soon and hasn't called once. Well, nothing new eh? I'm so glad I have to work tomorrow, put my anchors on and start kickin [censored]!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> At least it's only a 3-day week for me. I need to be with my animals, I need to feel unconditional love.

He called back, to see how they are. And, to let them know what happened. ???

Apparently, he has not been happy for the past few years. He is really happy now.

Oh, and according to my sister, because I have not gotten a lwayer, and because I am trying to explain to her nicely that he is saying this now, but does not mean what he is saying... I am controlling him. So, guess who got my sister on his side??? This is why I was plan b'ing her.

Oh, and apparently, he wants his stuff back now.

Why is it so hard for my family to understand? (oh, and they told him where I live to) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What do I do?

I did not want him knowing where I live, but they told him. He now has my sister on his side making me sound like I am crazy for wanting to save my marriage. She says I am controlling him because I am not co-operating with his wishes to just move on in his little fantasy world full of sunshine and roses.

What do I do? I am freaking out now. If I don't have my families support how can I do this?

Boy he must be a smooth talker to get your own family on his side. Mine is too - luckily none of us live in the same state. I know everyone says that he has to want to end the affair, but I know my WH; the only way he will want to do it is if she ends it. In his mind, his ending it will only make him out to be the bad guy (heaven forbid). I know it doesn't make sense, but none of this does. I'm still trying to figure out how I can be so in love with a man who can treat me with such disrespect. Why in the world am I choosing to forgive the past so we can begin a new relationship. I just wish he would call so I can not answer and feel good that he is thinking about me. What's up with that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Funny thing TWBD is it is not what he said that bothers me. It is the fact that my sister is buying it hook, line and sinker.

I asked my intermediary (who happened to just call me) if she believes my WH has not been happy with me for years.

Her response was... "Bull****" and is shocked that my sister believes it.

But, in the meantime, what do I do? Just continue with my Plan B I guess. With both my sister and him.

Anyway, this email is not an actual Plan B letter. But, it is an email that should (if I know him as well as I claim to) tick him off enough that he will try contacting me

This is not plan B..

plan B is not and is never a tool to tick a WS off in to contacting you....

Plan B is a letter of great love and hope...
Plan B is a letter of clear boundaries
Plan B is a letter of pathways to saving the soul of a WS and finding themselves in good standing with being a honorable person....

Plan B is not a knee jerk statement of giving someone what they wished for

Plan B is dead on serious and for real...
when WS change definitions of words...

ie love...honor...respect....honesty....marriage...vows and commmittment

when WS change the definitions of these things to redefine, justify and rationalize their crappy use of these words to defend their actions...

it is the EXACT time the BS must use the correct definition of all words...

or else you feed in to their game...

you don't say

don't contact me....unless you mean it
you

you don't say...

I am writing this to get to him...

follow your plan...

you write a pretend don't contact me letter...
and then you let him break contact..

it will be false drama ridden meaningless contact...
filled with powerstruggling....attempts to educate...and feed right in to all the reasons the junky mind is using to have the affair....

AND worst of all...

when this has beaten you down...and you are ready for a true loving plan B....

your words will have no meaning for you will already have proven that your word can be broken...

do you see my friend the futility of doing no contact...unless you really mean no contact...

have you done plan A...

ark^^

I was doing plan a, then told by my WH not to contact him anymore.

I was then advised to go into plan b, because I was told not to talk to him. I also mentioned I should send a plan b letter, but was advised by Gimble to not send it because it would appear to be a power struggle between myself and WH. (because he already told me to not contact him)

So, I was asked today by my intermediary to compile the letter to send him that states he will only be contacting her and that she will be coming by to pick up amounts owed to me.

Yes, I said it would tick him off, because I know him too well, and know he would not like involving others in our issues.

I have sent a letter to my WH telling him I love him, and that I will stop at nothing to save our marriage. This was what I sent him, and he turned around and told me not to contact him anymore.

So, now you have me confused. What am I supposed to be doing here?

I realize I said he would be angry... but that is only because that is how he is.

I love my husband more than life... and now I am i tears thinking I have ruined everything. (without realizing I have)

Ark is right, Plan B is a love letter, you do have to be honest about your feelings. I wrote my WH I love you, I want you to come home but it has to be your choice. As long as you are seeing OW I can have no contact with you because I don't want to start hating you. When you are ready to come back to our marriage I am willing to talk to you about it. I will not accept any less. Somthing like that...I wrote it by hand and didn't make a copy.

BTW my WH called - I'm so happy! Of course I didn't answer, his VM said he was on his way home (12 hour drive and he is just now starting?) I think not - he has always been the one to leave at daylight. I think it was just an excuse to call but I don't care, it means he was thinking about me. He didn't say one mean thing either. He called. Such a little thing has lifted my spirits. Am I being foolish?