Hi, this is my first post here. We have been married 4 9 yrs and all we ever seem to do is being in disagreement about lots of things. Last one is about money, this one has always been there. My h. is an engineer and has his full time job, on top of this he has a property business that i think i should be part of, he buys houses and rents them out, at the moment he has about 18houses. Our marriage got so bad that last Christmas i was determined to leave, i didn't do it for many reasons but since then things got better between us, we talked more and communicate better, we both agreed that the houses were going to be sold and we were going to pay off the morgage of the house were we live so he would be more relaxed and spending more time with us (he is a bit of a workoholic), now in the last couple of weeks i hear him talking on the phone again to businness people about bying development land in Poland, and i shake because i am afraid he will get us into trouble financially like he has done in the past, i have lived under tight budget for years so he could develop this mad businness that i never agreed to have in the first place. I think that if we buy anything big like a site or house i should be consulted and listened too, i think i should be part of all this, i stay at home minding our 2 young children and also have a part time job, he says this is this is his work and i shouldn't have anything to do with it, he says he is responsable for the family, for all finances and he can then do whatever he wants, but i thing this is wrong. I feel i am not treated as a wife, a friend, but as a childminder. There is not much money for extras in our live and i thing there should be, he says he has build up the businness and he decides what to do with it. We agreed that selling the houses would also mean we could move to Spain, where i am from and that then i could work there and he could stay and mind children for a while. Nearly all houses are only on his name, for insurance reasons and because is easier to manage it that way ...he says. I hope somebody can help me and give me some advise on this. This is only one small problem of all the millions that we have. Thanks for reading <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

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Hi Felicidades,

My initial response is to suggest using the POJA - the policy of joint agreement. Of course it depends on your spouse agreeing to use it also. Is he willing to follow any of the suggestions here?

felicidades,

You should remind him that he is not single and has financial obligations to his family, including not taking unnecessary risks with his family's financial future. Any financial decision he makes affects the entire family and you do not want to end up in the poor house. And yeah, definitely use POJA.

I've had to have a similar conversation with my husband not too long ago. Part of my problem was I sometimes made relunctant agreements to keep the peace or "be supportive" when I knew he was making bad decisions. Never do that! Trust me, you'll regret it. I don't know why men are so risk-happy when it comes to family finances. You guys have no idea the level of fear you strike into a woman's heart when you use the words "start my own business." ACK!