what your WH hears = "This means I can still see the OW because wifey is still willing to wait for me to get rid of OW."

What needs to be conveyed to your WH ought to be done via a family law attorney.

CHILD SUPPORT
SPOUSAL SUPPORT

what your WH has learned about you = wifey is weak and will not make a move, she is right where I want her

Thanks MB folks maybe She will hear you. She dosn't hear me

I think her WH is cakewalking Big time and Xetta is being played for a fool. I don't say this with anger as Xetta is someone I call a friend. ITMHO She should move to plan B ASAP and take the control away from the WS.

Xetta, I need to hit you with the MB 2x4 and if ican't get through maybe the MB pros can!

I know your Stich better then most here we talk alomst daily... You can do this, it will work for you!

Your M is salvageable! But you can only salivage your M by being strong and stop letting him treat you like a doormat. STOP enabling the WH action. Your WH wants to keep ties and cake-walk...

I envy you! Mine WW/STBX wants all ties cut. It took a long time for me to accept that my M is dead and over. Dont you understand you have the power to save your M in your own hands if you just would use it.

Every time he sees you walking he poopopos and crys and makes promases... He wants his cake and to eat it to. B his sorry A$$ and bring him home.

what are you wating for?

your friend
Jim

Yes, it is time for Plan B. Yes, I do realize he is cake walking, and this past weekend, I handed him a really big piece of cake with all the frosting one could want.

I did email him about a comment he made that things were changing in the relationship department with OW. I asked him point blank how things were changing since he was so cryptic. Basically he said that at this time he couldn't answer that question, but he was working with his therapist to explore options for the future.

I can read between the lines. He is still with OW and is taking his sweet old time about leaving her. Yes, if he was serious about coming home, it would have been ended already. I can't continue to be strung along like this. It's much too painful every time I see him. The only option I have left to me is to Plan B him.

So, I will be starting my plan B letter and will be sending it via my lawyer to his lawyer. I will be thinking about a mediator as well. I need to look up examples of Plan B letters and in the next couple of days I want to have one ready for all of you to edit and make suggestions about. If you do have any suggestions on where to look first, I would appreciate the help.

Thanks!

I have composed a Plan B letter and will be giving it to my lawyer to forward to WH's lawyer tomorrow. I have made it very clear that until OW is gone, I will not see him or talk to him. Yes, I love him, but I cannot continue to be hurt over and over again...

I am going dark now...

Sample Plan B Letter

Xetta,

Bear in mind (heehee...bear) that a lawyer can not "enforce" Plan B because it is not a court-order, "legal" plan. It is YOU as a human being enforcing your boundary for no more pain! So don't be surprised if either your lawyer or WH's lawyer says they can not send/take such a letter and enforce it. Okay? All I'm saying is that the legal system does not enforce Plan B--you do!

Second, going dark means that you go dark from contacting HIM. It does not mean that you go dark from contacting us! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Finally, use this story to give you perspective. You have a fistful of cash in your hand. You are hungry and need to buy groceries and cook so you can eat. Do you wait FIVE DAYS, all the while moaning how hungry and weak your are? Or do you get off your duff and go to the grocery store on DAY ONE and make the effort to cook that same day? That's how it will be when WH is serious. He won't whine and moan about how he WANTS to eat or how much he misses food. He will get off his BEE HIND, go down to the store, get the food, cook it, and eat! To be blunt, he will pack her stuff, kick her out, lock her out, pack his stuff, and MOVE HOME that same day!!!

When you see THAT--he is serious. Until you see that...he is cake-eating.

(((((xetta))))))



CJ

Yes, CJ, I understand both points. Yes, I do know that it is not a court order and cannot be enforced, but I do know that even WH's lawyer has told him to get rid of her. Using the lawyer's serves a two-fold purpose. One, it hits him in the pocketbook which seems to be one of the few reality 2X4's that get through his fog. Second, even his lawyer understands what is needed for us to salvage our marriage and has told him that as well. Hearing it from his side just might help. It couldn't hurt.

On your second point, I do understand that he has been cake eating or walking or whatever you want to call it and I have been letting him do it. I waited until I received his email before I passed judgement on his latest "attempt". He is sitting on the fence doing as little as possible to call it an attempt. By doing Plan B, I protect myself from being hurt further. I have been listening to him crying since February about the consequences of his actions. I have told him repeatedly that if he didn't like his life, then he was the only one who could change it, and he hasn't. I can't make him change it, but I don't have to let myself be continually hurt any longer.

I really don't think that Plan B will be quite so hard for me right now. He's only in town two weekends a month and he doesn't call to talk to me either. I will just have to make sure I avoid him when he is in town. I have basically quit calling him. I will have to quit checking his email though.

Yes, and I do understand that going dark meant only going dark to him. I will be around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />