Well to summaraize the past year of my life - my husband and I decided to move back to MO from TX in late 2005 but we had to sell our house. So I went ahead and moved up here with our daughters thinking the house would sell soon. Well it didn't and he became more and more distant - so I suggested I just move back until the house sold and he said no that we couldn't afford it. This was in Mar 06, so the house sells in Apr 06 and he doesn't move up here until July (he stayed with his parents). So we seem to be getting closer with the house sold e-mailing, calling and even trying online "chatting" with one another. Then he moves up here and asks for a divorce 3 weeks later - so I think he is going through a mid-life crisis because he is getting ready to hit 40. Then I check the bank account and sure enough airline tickets and hotel room. So from there it goes downhill - he has been "chatting" with this person from New Jersey then all the lies start. She is just a penpal - she has interests in horses like I do - I have never met her. BLAH BLAH BLAH! Well if that isn't bad enough come to find out his parents PAY for him to go out to see her!!! Well I guess he went out there 2x and she came to MO 1x. So I filed for divorce - well when I do that he then "realizes" what a horrible mistake he made and wants to work it out. So we go to counceling and he lies the whole time - it was never physical he just helped her close her business. So then I hack his email and find so many emails to the contracdiction and felt betrayed all over again. Then I find he has another email and I hack that one and find more emails. My daughter even told me he had her talk to this person in NJ. How do I ever get over this or can I? If he can so easily lie to me after 13 years like it is nothing will I EVER be able to trust him? He keeps saying he realizes who he wants to spend the rest of his life with and how badly he messed up but does he mean it? He had joined a dating site in Mar 06 to find these people. He was even talking to her on our anniversary and not in a good way. HELP!

Welcome. This stuff is really painful, but I have a lot of hope for your situation. It sounds like the distance from you was very hard on him, and he started thinking he was single. The fact that he realizes who he wants and that he regrets the affair is very encouraging. Often, they are torn about who they want, and not sorry.

It's too bad his parents helped him, because that will probably cause some hard feelings. That will be difficult to overcome.

He needs to realize that he will need to be an open book and let you know his passwords and where he is all the time. Then you will be able to start trusting him. But it will still take over 2 years for you to feel good again.

Thank you for your kind words - it has been very trying. We are trying to move past this but I am having a hard time and I am so greatful that I found this site. It is so helpful!

I keep finding out more almost daily like when he was in NJ they went to some mountains up there in NY with another couple. He does seem sorry this all happened but I just keep having the images and thoughts run through my head and sometimes it is too much!