Did I mention somewhere how I feel that gathering MY SELF-RESPECT was key?

It made me 10 times MORE ATTRACTIVE to my H.

That day when I happened to see him and did the PLAN B GOOF, I wasn't planning on seeing him but you should have seen me. I was in FULL GODDESS MODE..for MYSELF..to make MYSELF FEEL GOOD...I bet he was wondering what my agenda was that day... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

And I pray this for you...MY PRIDEFUL HUSBAND actually said this in the car just now...He drives this round about way to our house in order to not go by the FOW's work..In fact, he travels all out of the way every day, making it necessary for us to move...

I said something about the inconvenience for him and he said: "THIS IS THE PRICE I HAVE TO PAY FOR WHAT I DID...I SEE THIS AS MY LESSON"..or something like that..I got the message that he wanted me to hear and I SHUT UP....

Oh, mimi, that is totally cool and REAL. Just reading this has sparked my memory on things that I have changed PERMANENTLY just because of breaking up with old boyfriends or hurting someone else. These little sacrifices (sometimes big inconveniences) keep everybody happy, and serve as a reminder to cherish those things that you hold dear...

i've done everything i can to stall a divorce and it's made my H even more angry and resentful

more things for him to complain about with OW

WHY hasn't anything worked so far?

it's so frustrating and heart breaking not to have a chance to show your H what you have learned from your mistakes and about relationships isn't it cat?

Mimi,

I honestly don't think he can do it, or will do it. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER heard him admit he was wrong in all the years I've been married to him. He'd tap dance around saying he MIGHT have made a mistake or whatever, but come out and say it, nope! He still has yet to admit to me he's having an A!! Still says they are roomies!!!!

My goodness I have given him TONS of opportunities to stop the D. His lawyer even asked him if it's what he wanted. He said yes.

I just think that he's convinced hinself that we are incompatible and whether it's with OW or someone else, he just doesn't want ME anymore. I think that's the hardest thing to handle for me, that he doesn't want me.

I asked my lawyer about putting the D on hold. She told me what I wrote. I could hold it, but the minute WH hears, he'd counterfile. It would only be held up for a day or 2, that's it, and it would cost me more $$. Where I live, only one party needs to file. If the other doesn't want the D, oh well, too bad.

I had hoped that filing would have woken him up and had him see what he did or what he would be missing. Nope.

I even thought me telling him that some other guy would reap the rewards of the "new" me would get a rise out of him. He seemed O.K with that.

I think that was the worst thing I did. Filing. It just gave him an excuse to live alone for a year now and see that he really likes his freedom.

His mother did the same thing. Divorced her 3rd husband because she wasn't "compatible" with him. She's now living alone, saying she's happy. Don't know if she is or not. I have no contact with her anymore.

Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree!

Eav,

It is frustrating. I'm sure WH "sees" the changes in me physically. As I said I've lost a lot weight. You'd have to be blind not to notice. I do feel good about that. I finally am happy with myself and how I look. But I still want to show him that I'm not that old nagging bit$h that I was when he left. He just won't give me the chance.

I really think he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Another thing...3 guys at his work are D'd and are living it up. Guess he wants to join the fun.

Hi and (((mimi)))

Mine appears to be on the same path... so I do understand...
For me I have just come to conclusion I need to let go. You can't loose what you don't have.

She may find her way home (though I doubt it) she is to busy running.

I wiss you all the luck.. your not alone out there...

Jim

I'm hearing a focus on HIM in your posts.

Remember yesterday when I was talking about SELF-RESPECT?

What about YOU?

What's most important are the changes that you are making for YOURSELF.

What goals do YOU have to become the BEST PERSON that YOU can be?

That way you come across less needy which is UNATTRACTIVE.

BOLD, ASSERTIVE, WOMAN OF POWER..I'm trying to lead you in this DIRECTION...

"I WILL FIGHT FOR MY MAN..I WILL FIGHT FOR MY MARRIAGE..WE BELONG TOGETHER"....

He is lost. Of course, he will be talking foolish about being HAPPY with a YOUNG GIRL...You are WISER than this FOOL in a FOG... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I am really trying to work more on me. Exercising more etc.

My question is...what am I supposed to do if he just doesn't see it? Or if he just doesn't want to be with me?

I'm not sure, but I think it's not even all about OW anymore. I think he just doesn't want ME!

He likes no kids, no mowing the lawn, no helping with homework etc. He likes the single life.

CAT:

Read my PERSONAL POWER POST...it came from thinking about YOU...

Why are you saying "TRYING"? This is what you HAVE TO DO!!



The changes that YOU decide to make must be YOUR OWN CHOICES about how YOU WANT TO BETTER YOURSELF. THIS IS YOUR PLAN..FOR YOU!!!



That's BULLCRAP!! How can you know about him?

Make yourself into a SPECIAL WOMAN that anyone would want..

Make yourself into the PERSON THAT YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS LIFE...

I do want to make ME better, and I have. I am finally happy with ME. I lost alot of weight, still would like to lose a bit more, have really gotten into exercising, and if I must say so without getting a big head, I think I look pretty good!

But actions speak louder than words and WH has shown me he doesn't want me!

I asked him the other day. He said he's had a year of no conflict...which means me not bit$hing at him, and it's been nice.

Maybe it's a fog talk, but he's not showing me he wants me.

He could have stopped the D MANY times and has not.

I'm not sure what else I need to see. I see he's moved on.

Am I missing something or am I just too stupid to see it?

Don't call yourself STUPID.

O.K. not stupid, but am I not seeing what eveyone is telling me?

He's been living with OW for over a year now. Obviously she is doing something right or he would have realized what he was missing and have come back. Fog or not.

Yes, no?

I think I know WH after all these years and I see him as being done with the M.

Fine. I'm not going to encourage you to FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE if you don't want to.

It's YOUR LIFE.

It's YOUR CHOICE.

Go ahead and give up and hand him over to her on a silver platter.

cat,

examine what you are saying. Don't look at your WH, look at yourself. Why are YOU giving up, without using the fogged out poop as an excuse. Are YOU finished?

You can go at any time, and you know it, so why not just stay dark in Plan B, even after the D? What excuses are YOU making to break Plan B? YOU have to be accountable to yourself and children first. So, why the crumbs? You can be friendly and kissey, huggy later, when you are either together again, or you have TOTALLY given up on HOPE. Why settle for less that being wanted?

You deserve better, you know that, so ACT like it. HE gives you crumbs and you lap them up and then become confused and question why he did it. HE did it to get EXACTLY the outcome that he did; YOU, wondering, questioning and hanging on to wayward weirdo. You want your H, right? If you want the wayward around forever, then continue as you are. If you want more, then dark Plan B. Yes, you may not recover your M, but you will recover you and you will move on and KNOW what you do want.

Mimi, Silent...

I'm sorry if I appear to be ungrateful to your advice. That is not it at all. I do value what you say.

I guess I am a person that bases things on what I see. And take things at face value. Basing things on what I see, I don't see WH even remotely wanting to come home or want me and I guess I get in the "give up" mode.

I don't want to sound so gloomy and I don't want to give him up to OW on a silver platter, but it looks like she already has him. She's had him for a year already. I didn't have to serve him up to her.

I guess if I didn't file the D, I would have more hope. But with the D imminent in the next few weeks or months, I guess I'm just not sure what else I can do to turn things around.

Yes, I went back to plan B, but will need to see him in court next week.

Now DD told me she invited him to her birthday dinner! I can't beleive she did that but she said he is still her father and should celebrate with her out to eat.

So now I will see him at dinner next week too!

It's hard to do a dark plan B with all of this coming up.

CAt,

I didn't read your whole thread. If you filed you can stop the D at anytime unless he counterfiled. Did he counterfile?

Still

Cat:

Your WH is following the standard script, no different than most WSes. My H moved in with the OW, spent weekends with her for YEARS, was definitely planning to give up everything for HER, thought she was his SOULMATE, told me he NEVER LOVED ME, that it was ALL OVER between us, etc....

The STRATEGY we are recommending to FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE:

Do not LISTEN TO OR BELIEVE his WORDS.

Stop the D proceedings. As Still says, LET HIM COUNTERFILE. This evidences to him that YOU do not want to proceed. Do not let such a MAJOR LIFE DECISION be forced upon you by ANYONE. If I had listened to the first lawyer that I consulted, I would definitely be DIVORCED today. He didn't care about me or my marriage.

GO INTO A DARK, DARK PLAN B which you don't break regardless of the event or circumstances. Wouldn't it be better in the long run for your daughter for her parent's to be married than for the both of you to be at a BIRTHDAY PARTY? Just think of the POWERFUL STATEMENT that you will be making if you DO NOT ATTEND, how you are evidencing your COMMITMENT to sticking to your PLAN and to your WORD?

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

BELIEVE IN MARRIAGEBUILDERS... which may seem counterintuitive to what has been recommended to you by others.

Cat-
Also think about it... if you are the one that filed for the D, and now you regret it, you should own up to the fact that you made a mistake...

What you may have going on here is two people that are in a stubborn contest.

"Well, she filed. I am not going to tell her to stop it."

And "Well, I filed. I do not want to look weak and stop it."

Do you know what I mean? There will be NO winners if you do not stand up for what you want. I am not saying to stop the D, and wildly proclaim to him that you love him and want him back, and regress. No, I am suggesting that you stop the D, and that in itself will speak volumes. I would also encourage you to put on a happy face for him every time you see him. He is noticing. You just need to be patient!

Good luck! And just think, if being stubborn is one of your less enduring qualities, maybe now you can show him that you aren't as stubborn.

Just a thought...

O.K, I withdrew my D petition today.

My lawyer sent a fax over to WH's lawyer telling him such. My lawyer said that WH will most likely counterfile in the next few days.

Not quite sure if that proved anything as WH will just refile and we are back to where we were.

Stalls the court a few weeks though. We were supposed to go next week, now it's in a few weeks.