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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 799
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Posts: 799 |
A friend of mine cheated on her H and is still addicted to OM...he's moved on to another (divorced) woman. My friend has been seriously depressed for quite some time...her H called me back in Oct. to see if I could give her a call to cheer her up.
Her H hasn't been the most supportive H in the world. Now he's just trying to help her get over her "depression." He even made an appt with a counsellor for her.
I've been telling her to tell him about the affair, that he has a right to know. I'm considering telling her that if she doesn't tell him, I will. Is this the right thing to do?
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128
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If you don't tell him, MelodyLane will.
If you don't tell him, then you are an enabler.
You have been in this position as have I. Personally I would want to be told. Wouldn't you?
Put another way, you have a moral obligation to tell him.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 799
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 799 |
You are correct in that he has to know. I also know that it would be better coming from her than me. Do you think I should give her a date to tell him by (like May 15) or just tell him now?
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Posts: 4,178 |
And now today's edition of simple answers to simple questions: Do you think I should give her a date to tell him by (like May 15) or just tell him now? This has been another edition of simple answers to simple questions.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 799
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Posts: 799 |
I guess I'm just simple now.
thank you both for your replies.
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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tell him today... if you warn her... she will put a spin on things that will hide the truth. Do not delay... he deserves the truth.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 799
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Posts: 799 |
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Posts: 4,178 |
BIO, you're welcome. I wasn't making fun of you or your questions. I admire you for asking them, stranger.
GC
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,082
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Posts: 1,082 |
Good luck to you BIO... it stinks to be the bearer of bad tidings.
Unfortunately your friend isn't going to like you anymore either... but with friends like that, who needs enemies.
God bless you for doing the right thing, even if it's painful.
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
Tell him now. I sure would. (and have)
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,530
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Posts: 1,530 |
BAck when I was a WH, one of OW's friends ratted us out. To this day I think that she was a very good friend for doing that. I'm actually glad she did.
Married 23 yrs
WW-46
Me- 47
DD18
DD11
Dday #1 - Oct. 8 2006
Too many other D-Days to remember
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
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I have lost several friends for not telling me.
Enablers are the worst of the worst in the minds of the betrayed.
I am going to rat out my soon to be ex-wife's best friend that is having an affair with a deacon at our church.
I know her husband will want to know, as I think he tried to warn me in his own way.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 799
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Posts: 799 |
Thank you all for your support and encouragement.
I'm trying to figure out how to contact him. They are out of state and all I have is their home phone (which she mostly answers) and her cell phone. I contacted her "to check on her withdrawal state" and hopefully I can get some sort of schedule out of her, so I know when to call.
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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