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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7 |
I'm new to this, so if I miss some abreviations I'm sorry.
I'm age 32 and just remarried last year to my new W of 23. Despite our age difference we love each other very much. Truthfully I would give my life for her. But I was married for 11 years prior to this marriage and had 2 children in that marriage. My XW used the children as a means to make sure I didn't leave. It was a very unpleasant marriage. The second child happened even though she claimed to be on BC and it wasn't until a year after my child was born till she told me the truth that she had not taken the BC as she claimed. So out of frustration by her betrayal I had a vasectomy. Now my new wife, who does have one child from a previous relationship, wants to have more children with me. She says she can except only having the one child she already has, but would really like to have a child with me if it were at all possible. I have checked into having the vasectomy reversed and it is expensive and because my vasectomy was done so long ago it lowers the odds of a successful reversal. Also I have the nagging question in the back of my head "am I told to have another child"?
Any suggestions or comments would be welcomed.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Welcome, Stewart, to MarriageBuilders.
You've come to a great place with a tough question.
Your XW didn't successfully use the children as a means to make sure you didn't leave...you divorced, didn't you?
Could you elaborate more on the reasons...might help to advise you on your question.
What did you and your new bride discuss about having children before you were married? Are you adopting her child as your own...or is it step parenting, and is it step parenting for your own two kids?
There is more to this than pleasing your wife, yourself, having a medical procedure...it's about how will your two kids feel? How will her child feel? Those who already exist...and how will this affect your new family?
Did you guys do pre-marital counseling? Any MC prior to getting married? How about in your previous marriage?
Please read on this website all the articles...Basic concepts, Emotional Needs (ENs), Love Busters (LBs) and the four rules of marriage...
They may answer your question...which is more complicated than it seems to me.
Thank you for searching out information, asking for clarity and opinions.
I hope mine helps you.
LA
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