PERSONAL POWER

As I look back over my time here, I consider this one of the GREATEST GIFTS that I received from this forum.

I remain here for that sustenance.

The POWER helps me in my MARRIAGE to this day.

It weathers me through CONFLICTS with my H..yes CONFLICTS from which I used to FLEE..I walk head on into them and SPEAK MY TRUTH...and I see my H valuing ME and RESPECTING ME...AHHHH...PERSONAL POWER....I LOVE IT!!!

Becoming convicted to WORK YOUR PLAN will lead you HERE to where I am...

It has to be YOUR PLAN..not about HIM...

It has to be how YOU WANT TO CHANGE TO MAKE YOURSELF INTO A BETTER PERSON...

Then THE PLAN is REAL, SINCERE AND MEANINGFUL to YOU and that will be communicated to your WS and others....

Starting with the FOCUS ON YOURSELF prepares you for PLAN B which takes all the PERSONAL STRENGTH and CONVICTION a PERSON CAN BEAR...

It is hard to PERSEVERE AND ENDURE during PLAN B..it involves WITHDRAWAL from your WS and RECREATING YOUR LIFE...it did for me...

Yes, Plan B for me was ONLY 3 MONTH or so...but THE MENTAL PREPARATION, SOUL SEARCHING and LIFE CHANGES STARTED WAY BEFORE THEN on D-DAY...

I decided to CHANGE INTO THE NEW ME that I am today and have not turned back...and will not turn back...I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON EVER EVER AGAIN...

I have a sense of PERSONAL POWER and PURPOSE..my H knows for sure that I WILL AND CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM..I am certainly ENHANCED BY HIS PRESENCE IN MY LIFE..but also HIS LIFE IS ENHANCED BY ME....

I felt compelled to say this this morning...

I am so thankful for getting to this place...

It is VITAL FOR YOU GUYS..especially MY GIRLS..to get HERE, TOO...

Very profound words indeed. Thank you for putting it so eloquently.

You are absolutely right.

JinGA

Bravo Mimi, Bravo.

You "get it". You have said in many words what I have been trying to say so many times.

This is the essence of what this struggle is about....PERSONAL POWER.

Bravo for you.

LM

[b] [color:"red"]EGG ZAK LEE [/color]

I think this deserves the post of the day award and it's only 9:30 am.

Might be an interesting day.

Mimi ~ I have found it interesting that marriages typically do not recover until Personal Power is achieved.

You can work Plan A and Plan B til the cows come home...but recovery won't happen until the BS learns the lesson about self

This has been the biggest success of mine through this. Is regaining my self respect...getting myself back!! It feels so empowering.

This was an AWESOME post...

As a Christian, this post speaks to me in that I have to put my Lord Jesus 1st in my life, not my W/WW. The lesson I think God is teaching me as a BS is to not look to others for happiness and fulfillment, as people are human and will always fail us. Happiness is completely our own doing, not the doing of others. As my pastor preaches, no one takes our joy away, we give it away.

So thanks for such a great post, it truly speaks the truth!

EXACTLY, SAD...

Only HE was there for ME in those many MIDNIGHT HOURS..when I had given up on sleep...

I agree with you..do not put all of your TRUST in NO MAN..GOD and then YOURSELF because HE gives you THE STRENGTH that YOU NEED to PERSEVERE...

Bless you, my friend and advisor! I always get so much out of your posts!

I almost always come away more centered than before and ready to continue the battle plan!

Always, though, you help me to remember ME- and that I am THE most important thing in all of this. When I am better for myself, the rest can then fall into place (or not), and I will still be better for it

You are right!I truthfully wasn't really into God. I believed in him, occasionally talked to him, but it not like I should have. This has taught me to RELY on him. To TRUST him. I now talk to Him all the time. Reallly I have this site to thank!

Even though I wish this never happened, this has been an eye opening experience.

Thank you for putting things back in prospect for me. At times, I forget what this is truly all about. God tests us is so many ways to see how faithful we are or can be and I believe he is testing me. I realize the happiness I seek is not within another person, but within myself and I have noticed a big difference in myself since D-Day due to that way of thinking. I appreciate these types of posts, because it gives me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and helps me to continue on this hard journey.

I know now more than ever before that I will be ok and actually be better than before, because I love myself for the first time in my life.

So thanks for the wonderful words of wisdom!!!

EXACTLY!! Me too, Jam!!

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Wow...great post, mimi.

I JUST posted in my thread that I am absolutely determined to carve out a life for myself. This is true.

When I have PERSONAL POWER, then I will have that life carved out. I'm chipping away at it presently, but it hasn't quite taken shape yet. I have this piece of clay, and I'm working it and molding it in a way that feels right, but I have't yet figured out what the final work of art will be.

Just wondering...does this sound familiar? Does this sound right?

I also agree with those who have commented about the role of God in all of this.

Even thought I haven't yet achieved PERSONAL POWER, I do feel very, very transformed. In SO many ways!!! If I could put aside the pain and hurt and betrayal, then I would really be proud of how I have endured, of how far I have come.

Enough tooting my own horn! Thanks for articulating it, mimi.

To put it very succinctly (sp?)

When you learn to "Let Go and Let God get the WS" you will have learned how to detach with love and trust that God's plan and imagination is bigger than your own self will.

and btw, the second I no longer needed my husband to be OK as myself, as a woman....and I could accept reality...everything in my life changed and my husband took notice in a huge way. I got his respect that way.

DITTO!! The second my act got together and started feeling human again is when he started to come around and have second thoughts about what he wanted.

But just for myself and my own well being...it feels great! Doesn't it!

MiMi I hve been reading your story for the past few days and I so relate. Its been 4 mos since DDay for me and my WH still has OW. I can't stop thinking about WH and OW, I'm consumed day in and day out. When I read your story I know how hard it was for you as well. You gave me strenght now if only I can get my head to stop spinning.

I'm trying some sort of a Plan B, I have an appt with Steve next Monday morning. Everyone keeps telling me to just divorce him and pretend like he is dead. He has been in this A for 3 years, it seems to be about sex, no weekend contact just one night here and there. But he seems to be addicted to her and now he is finally saying to me "I love you and I want to make our marriage work" but no timing on when or what hes doing. I'm going crazy as you can tell.

Mimi,

Good for you. IMVHO the A strips a BS of almost any positive thoughts we have about ourselves.

As a man it stipped away my pride, my dignity, my ego almost everything that identifies me as a man.

In addition to that I felt like a failure, heck my FWW told me with her words and actions I was a failure.

REally it was my Fault she had the A. If I would have..... then she wouldn't of had to do that. LOL.

Then the lucky BS discover that another persons moral indiscretion/s don't dictate the type of person we are.

I too slowly gained back everything that was Stolen from me by my FWS and the OP.

In all reality I should have never lost those things.

Today I feel like a much better person. If my FWW went out and had an A today I would feel sorry for her and not me.

I am a good, no great person.

The only power we have is Personal Power, because the only people we can change is ourselves.

It sounds like you have done that and it is a wonderful thing.

I am happier today then I have been in years and things just keep falling into place for me.

Good for you.