I need some help in understanding some things about all of this. I understand why it is important to my family to make the marriage work, but how do you deal with the fact that your WS allowed themselves to have feelings for another person and be able to listen to them tell you how much this is killing them not to talk to them and how much they care for the OP.

I just find all of that hard to deal with and wondering why I should bother when he was so weak. He has let this person or himself erase all his values and beliefs. And I am expected to be okay with that. How do you deal with that really? I need some help with it. I just don't want to feel like this any more. Things are getting better, but I am just struggling with this issue.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks,
JambearT

TIME AND PATIENCE, JAM...

You have suffered a SEVERE EMOTIONAL WOUND...

The HEALING takes a LONG, LONG TIME...

Time.

It's Spring. Take some nice long walks and let nature help.

Jamb,

""WS allowed themselves to have feelings for another person and be able to listen to them tell you how much this is killing them not to talk to them and how much they care for the OP.""

""I just find all of that hard to deal with and wondering why I should bother when he was so weak. He has let this person or himself erase all his values and beliefs. And I am expected to be okay with that.""

I think a way to deal with it is think of the other person as crack to a crack-head or alcohol to an alcoholic.

Then when they tell you how hard it is not to talk to the OP, it's like how hard it is not to light up the crack pipe or take the big swig from the whisky bottle.

He has erased all his values and beliefs for the drug!!

Would you not bother with an alcoholic because he was so weak?? Or would you try to show him how much you love him so maybe he will turn away from the bottle.

The WS has become "hooked" on the OP and the chemicals in his/her brain are actually the same chemicals initiated by smoking the crack. The pheremones and endorphines gushing forth from the pleasure centers of the WS brain are triggered by the OP. This is a scientific fact.

NC, No Contact, is the de-toxing agent that gets them away from the drug and OUT OF THE FOG!! And hopefully back to their senses.

It is a tough row to hoe, specially when you are sposed to smile pretty and be doing the plan A.

But it does work, as many members here in the halls of MB can testify.

Stay strong and take care of yourself. AntiD's might not be a bad idea. To get you through each day.

kirk

Thank all of you for the good advice. I look here every day for hope and way to make it through the day. This site and the people on it have been a big help to me in the past few months and hope to lend on everyone here in the future, because I am sure I will need it.

Thank you everyone and for those of you who need it, keep your chins up and heads high. Things will get better for you, even in the darkest of days.

God Bless all of you.