I'm looking for ideas on how to break my husband of an annoying habit. Or at least find a way for it not to annoy me so much. When he has a complaint about something I've done, instead of attacking what I've done he attacks my motives! Sometimes I get mad before I even know what I did because I'm busy fighting off accusations of hurting him on purpose. I never seem to get the benefit of the doubt.

It's not just with me, though. He's like that with people in general and I can deal with that, but I'm his wife and he should make a special exception for me. I have talked to him about it on occasion and he seems to agree but then forgets to do things differently the next time around. (Admittedly, he does have a BAD memory.)

It's not a huge problem. It doesn't happen very often, but it tends to turn what should be a discussion or mild criticism into a fight. Ideas, anyone?

OK , thats just freaky. I do the same thing to my wife.
Even moments later I forget what was said.
Back to the old idea, for me anyway, of questioning her motives.
Everyone is basically really bad people to look out for their intentions.This continues over to my wife. Heck you could probably sense this in some of my posts you have been helpful with.
I wish I knew more about changing my behavior,it sure is not in anyway nice , or helpful to you spouses who have to deal with a souse with this sort of outlook on life.

LOL Gandolf,

Yeah I did notice a little bit of that on the other thread. I suppose not trusting people could protect you from hurt, but it kinda gets in the way when dealing with people close to you. And the other thing is, there is only one person who really knows what your wife's motives are and that is her. You can't read her mind. You can only ask her why she does what she does and listen to what she says. Don't know if that helps any.

Aph - I'm going through these posts. I know you haven't been on this one for a while. But I thought I'd jump in. I am also an 'analytical' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> person. I have realized what for me is observation for my W is criticism. The answer to your conflict will need to come from both of you. He may need to communicate differently. You may need to interpret his words differently.

You mentioned that you have discussed your concerns with him 'on occasion.' That sounds rather casual. Do you think he REALLY understands how his behavior affects you and how you would like it to change? Have you guys done the LoveBuster questionnaire and workbook? The workbook is cool because it gets really specific about when the lovebusting behavior happens and how to avoid it. If your H is an idiot like me, he probably needs it written down using small words and large letters. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BWS71,

Thanks. He's in job hunting mode and doesn't want to talk relationship stuff right now...plus we have a bigger problem to deal with first...but I'll see what he thinks about the workbook when the time comes. From reading His Needs, Her Needs it seems to fall into the "disrespectful judgement" category.