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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
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OP
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73 |
My H is really trying, he realizes so much more than he has ever seen and our relationship is so important to him now. Before it was always just let's float through life together and not really put any effort into it. I talked til I was blue in the face and it did no good. Now that his one night has been discovered and he feared losing me and saw how badly he hurt me he is changed. BUT, I'm getting frustrated, because although I've seen improvements in some areas he still does not make "dates" with me, doesn't make an effort for us to have alone time. He says he wants this but he never does it. How can I encourage him to do this and other thoughtful things without love busting?? Help! Don't want to make things worse but I really need to see him trying!
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036 |
Why wait around for him to make a date. You tell him that you both haven't had any alone time, and so you have set up a date to go out and do some stuff. I am sure everything else will come into play. And please don't say that he should be the one setting it up!! Life is too short to wait around for someone else to make your decisions! Be like Nike and JUST DO IT!!! = ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif)
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 719
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 719 |
I agree with trying2_4give.<P>Hey H, I've reservations at so and so, we need to be there by 7:00pm, or I told so and so we'd be at the movies at 8:00pm if they want to stop by. (you don't actually have to tell so and so ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif) )<P>You make him make the time!
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
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OP
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73 |
Thanks both of you but I HAVE made dates and gotten alone time with him. I'm the one who has done it for our whole marriage. I need to see that he has changed and his effort. I won't stop setting up alone time but I want to emphasize to him how important to me HIM taking the initative is. Any words of wisdom???
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 3,247
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 3,247 |
You might never get it. Sorry, but it's true. He may never be able to make himself do that one thing. He may enjoy your times alone tremendously, he may look forward to them all week long, but he may NEVER take the initiative. <P>Maybe try to "wean" him in. You make the date, time, and give him choices. Or talk to him about this week's date and see if he'll help you make plans.<P>That may be the best you can do. Some people just don't get around to it. Some people just need to be taught - gently.<P>I'm so glad things are going well for you two. Give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.<P>Keep up the good work.<P>Lori
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 719
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 719 |
Good idea Lostva, give choices, make him involved. Let him choice what time watch the movie or which movie to watch. Let him choose the resteraunt maybe even "I didn't have time to get a reservation, could you do that for me? Thanks"<P>Sounds like a plan.
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73 |
Thanks to all of you! I will take your advice and try and break him in gently and see where we are at. I guess I should focus on the positive and be glad he WANTS to spend alone time with me and has realized as much as he has. We had a terrific weekend...I hope I'm on a LONG upward slope!!<BR>
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