I've been reading many threads and feel for everyone that has a worse story than mine. I feel that my situation is a little different and would love to hear some feedback.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years and married 4. (We are both 24) We were only with each other in the beginning, and she was even really nieve. She was raised by a single mom with 3 children. Her mom had a bad life growing up and two boyfriends, never any husbands, that were bad guys into drugs. So, my wife didn't want anything to do with guys, but I changed that when I showed her what real men worth loving are like.

For the first 3 years of our marriage, I was in the military and away from her for 2 of the years. She was always loyal and I have always trusted her. She has always been the nicest person and so caring of others. She never hurts anyone. Everyone that knows her would not imagine she could cheat on me. She dispises that sort of thing and our life has been perfect together. Our sex is great, we try to keep it at least 4 times a week, and we are always there for each other and give each other everything we want. I trusted her over myself. I thought if one of us cheated, which I believed would never happen, it would have been me. Like all happy stories, there has to be a conflict.

On Jan. 22 of this year, the day before I started my second semester of college, she told me what she had done two weeks prior. She had sex with another guy. She's not a liar, but was affraid of my reaction obviously knowing the life we have together. I'm glad she told me because I never thought this would happen. He has a girlfriend and we would hang out with them sometimes. She works with him and she's his manager. He's 19. I never really liked the guy though when I met him and would not leave her alone with him. Immediately after she told me, despite my feelings, I called him and said he had till the end of the day to tell his girlfriend or I would. I then asked my wife the details.

Before work one morning, he called her and said he wanted to see her. I wish she didn't go to his house. There he told her he liked her, and she liked the thought of someone else liking her, even thought she get's hit on by customers at work. (she's a manager at the local theater) They both have only been with one person. They kissed and went straight to his bedroom. He used a condom and they had sex for no more than 2-3 minutes. She said she didn't look at him and felt how wrong it was. She said she stopped it after the 2-3 minutes, by which he was already done. Even now, I can't believe it happend. She couldn't have done it, but she did.

I know I could not be with anyone else but her because we are perfect together. There is no reason for what she did other than the curiosity of wanting to have sex with someone else. She said she did not feel a thing and that she knows she only wants me. I know that we don't have to actually do it to know we only want each other, so I can't understand how she could do it knowing the consiquences. She knows how hurt I was and I know how bad she feels. I want to beat the ****** out of him so bad, but fear what would come of that and don't want to get my wife fired. She asks for a schedule opposite his and is never alone with him and doesn't talk to him. I trust her still because I know that's not who she is, but everytime she is away from me I think bad things. I have dreams all the time that she's out, and comes home to tell me she did it again. I am so greatful that it was a one time thing, and not a lasting affair. Obviously, I am very glad that their sexual acts were minimum. I would honestly feel so much worse if they did other acts or even positions. I don't know, that just bothers me so much, especially when we are together.

I have two dilemas. One, I can't forget it and anytime we argue, I bring it up because she has no right to be upset with me about anything. She should always be on her best behavior and proving herself to me. I don't know how to get over it. I don't feel equal anymore. So my second dilema, is about the revenge thing. I know it won't mean anything to me, but it would be nice to be equal. She even insists on me doing it with someone else so that I can't keep holding it over her head. But even if I did, we wouldn't be completely equal because she did it first. She ruined the relationship we had. I liked being the only one she had given herself too. She should know how that feels. I don't know how to go about that anyway. I can't even imagine the situation she was in happening to me. I can't understand how him telling her he liked her led to sex! I ask myself the same questions and I ask her if she told me everything. I feel that I won't be happy until we are equal again and can get on with life.

I appreciate any feedback you can give me and would like to know if getting even ever made things better for a couple?

Welcome. She needs to quit her job and get another one where he doesn't work. It doesn't matter that they have different shifts.

Then she needs to figure out why she had the affair. Curiosity is not a good enough explanation, because what if she gets curious about how sex would be with some other guy?

I suggest you go to counseling together, and figure out what went wrong.

In the meantime, quit throwing it in her face. That will do nothing to help your marriage.

I've made the mistake of the revenge. I think she is telling you that for a selfish reason! Whatever you do come out on top. Don't take the same road she has! It caused so many more problems in our marriage because I saught revenge. Hope this halps but its ultimately up to you and how you handle yourself during this time.