Pam,<P>In your last post to Hum's thread (bad night) you mentioned you shouldn't come to this board anymore... I was wondering what made you say that? You're frustrated at the rollercoaster ride. Yeah, so aren't we all!<P>Do you think this board adds to your upheaval? <P>BTW, for what it's worth, you are not a fool (at least not any more than I am!) I think the only twp reasons I've been able to withstand contacing the OW are because my wife is so willing to make things work (unlike your hubby, although he sounds better lately), and also because I KNOW the OW will have nothing to do with me now.<P>I got the same "I don't know what to say to you anymore" comment from my OW. That's when I realized that I was maybe going a little overboard... maybe to the point of almost being obsessed. Not a good place to be!!<P>hang in there!!<BR>--andy

Of course I'm not leaving...I'm more addicted to this site than I was the OM. At least it's somewhat of a more healthy addiction.<P>I am frustrated at the roller coster ride. My thoughts change from one moment to the next and I feel that I'm obsessing on them way too much.<P>It's just sometimes I get more ideas in my head than I would have if I wasn't coming here. However, I suppose it's good to realize why I'm doing the things I'm doing...rather than just supressing it all.<P>I was reading back on some of my old posts the other day and realized that I've come a long way since then, so at least that's a little encouraging.<P>Things are getting better with my husband, I think I just expect too much from him. I'm just being selfish and wish that he would worship the ground I walk on. I want him to love me the way I thought the OM loved me. Sometimes I just feel lonely when I'm with my husband. I can go back to the way it was before the affair. I had my own interests and did my own things and found my own happiness. But that only pulled us apart and led me to another man.<P>Anyway, I think I'm really going to stop contacting the OM this time...there's nothing left for me to say. Although, I'm already contemplating sending him a birthday card in November.<P>Well, thanks for asking <P>Pam<BR>

Holly & Andy,<P>I know the feeling "looking for a response from the OP". There is nothing else to say to the OM, but your mind keeps thinking anyway. NB said to me she even had a "closure kiss", I've actually thought of that, I know BAD IDEA, and I'm not approaching him and so far this week things have been very cool with me & OM.<P>Andy, you said a big part of you being able to withstand not contacting the OW is because your wife is trying so hard, well you know my story. I feel my marriage sucks right now and I don't want to fall on the OM, I know it's not fair to him, it just makes it even harder.

Hey Pam, I'm about as addicted to this board as you are! My wife has actually been a little irritated about it, so I've been trying to slack off at home. Pam, I really do think you are making great progress! I remember when you first came on the board. You were all "OM this" and "OM that"... <lol><P>Hum and Pam, you are the two that I most identify with on this board (and also Sheryl new_beginning). Our thoughts and feelings are so similar with regards to our addiction to the OP and our feelings towards our spouses. I sometimes have that "we betrayers have to stick together" kinda thought with you guys.<P>Hum, I feel so bad for you and your situation. I can't offer any good advice at all about that except to stay away from OM if you can. I know it's really hard what with your home situation and all... bummer! <BR> <P>--andy