lookafteryou, regardless of your past choices, you have made a courageous and good decision by coming here. There will be plenty of time to reflect and learn about those bad choices. You made a good choice today.

Once the sting of some of these posts have worn off, please do read them again and try to hear them. The people that have jumped in thus far are truly able to help.

This is about building a better you and learning to make good, moral decisions for yourself and your children.

Peace.

not interested in what he says...

and neither should you be...

those are just powerstruggling empty words...

tell him you will never again live with someone who throws things...and that he should think about going to anger management classes..to help him

I am just upset because before everyone knows anything they jump down my throat because I cheated.

A note about IC's. My wife's counselor recommended she D me.

This Counselor also recommend she never tell me about her A.

That was 3 years ago.

I have told him........but to him, its basically NOW OR NEVER. Hes gonna go to counseling, but if I dont come back now, I am not coming back later either.

Understood.

Please, then, give the readers more information. Here are some questions that might help:

Briefly describe your relationship(s) that produced your three children. What caused the termination of that relationship(s)?

How long were you single before you met your current husband?

How long did you court your current husband before marrying him?

What was it about your current husband that prompted you to marry him?

Briefly describe your husband by including his age, his Emotional Needs (EN) and his anger issue. If you feel you understand the cause of his anger, please share what you feel.

Take a deep breath. Making good choices is an easy thing to get the hang of. And, luckily for your kids: being courageous is contagious.

Peace.

Very often a new poster comes here with their story, and feel their actions are justifiable, their circumstances unique, and attempt to defend the choices they have made.

I cheated "because". My situation is different. ETC..

No one will argue your H's actions are WRONG. Also realize, no one will support your choice to leave for OM.

Ultimately it may be in you and your kids best interest to D your H, but that decision should not be made or influenced by an A.

Ok so my life story.....
5 yr olds father after 2 yrs (tried to reconcile later, did not work) started physically abusing me. 3 yr olds father well he was a very good friend, and going through a divorce, when out of nowhere he decided to go back to his wife, and 2 yr olds father........um very big mistake. Ok, so I was single about 1 yr before meeting H. only dated about 9 mos then got married. He was a great person, he was a true gentlemen. Not until after we married did I learn how he was raised, his father and brother were abusive. 1 month after our marriage he threw his first fit by grabbing me then breaking an end table in the bedroom, the kids were outside, I told him if it happened again I was gone, it happened 2 more times before I left an the last one he broke a window out, ripped the doorbell off the brick wall and broke the door handle on the screendoor. Hes 31, Im 24, his EN are pretty normal, not too much not too little.

Are the other fathers involved with their children?

How long have you been in IC? You definitely want to stick with that.

You have been given some good advice thus far, and quite honestly, after reading what you just posted, is more relevant than ever.

The path toward healing is narrow and difficult to follow. But, it's the only worthwhile choice.

Pro's?

Look:

Slow Down.

You will never resolve all the issues in your life after one day on this website.

However.

All the things going on in your life can be dealt with in due time and in proper order.

Your H sounds like an abuser and is on track for something ugly later in your M.

Your involved with OM and have young children from an earlier M/BF/relationship.

You have been involved with abusers before.

Therefore, the common denominator is you.

Abusers can spot victims a mile away. And you just might have a giant "Kick Me" Sign on your back.

It is time for you to remove it.

Many posters have recommended that you start fixing yourself. ANd when you do that process and really start moving with it, the "kick me" sign will go dim and then dark.

And then you present yourself to a Husband/Ex-Husband/New partner on a more even playing field.

Please understand that life ain't easy, but the choices we make can make life alot easier.

And you have probably made many good choices in life, but you have probably made a number of bad ones.

Maturity is understanding the difference between a bad choice and a good choice and the consequences of either.

And you may be standing on the maturity crossroads for the first time in your life.

So slow down. And start working on yourself.

LG

BTW: End the Affair with OM. You don't need him. You may not need H. But you need to work on yourself. Others around here have come from worse circumstances to recover/repair/restore/renew a marriage. Only time will tell. But if you address your issues, the rest gets a lot easier.

Thanks for all the help.