Hi BC, I've been reading your post and noticed we had a few similarities. I'm curious about what, if anything happened when you exposed and/or told the school about the affair? My wife is a teacher and had an affair with a co-worker/teacher. We're still together, but she refuses to look for another job.

I talked to my wifes HR Dept and they said there wasn't anything they could do. I never gave her name and I never took it any farther. I'm curious if maybe I should have done more.

Thanks

I talked to the Princaple. I told her who I was and who my WW was having an affair with. She had already heard the rumors. She called my WW into her office and talked to her, but nothing was done. WW continued with the affair. I'm sure she told the princaple I was crazy and they were just friends, blah, blah, blah. I don't think the princaple bought it, but she really couldn't do anything unless they were caught doing something inappropriate at school.

I have heard of others that were fired for having affairs between married teachers. My WW was friends with her princaple so she was protected.

Exposure is more about shining a light on the affair and putting pressure on it. Fantasy land crumbles a little when everybody knows about it.

My WW is still at the school and has signed her contract for next year, so exposure didn't do anything in that regard.

If you haven't notified the princaple you should though. Even if they won't fire her, the princaple won't like what's going on and WILL have a talk with WW. If the students catch wind it could get ugly with the rumors and princaples want control of their school.

My most effective exposure was confronting OM. He was single so there was no spouse to expose to. I simply asked him for an explanation of why what he was doing was OK. I asked him to be a man and step away. He played it off at the time, but it ate at him and eventually he dumped her. Unfortunatlety, my WW had other plans which led me to where I am.

We were very close to attempting recovery when she lost it.

So I hope that helps even if it isn't what you were hoping for.

Good Luck

I would make changing her job a sticking point as to your recovery. You don't want this thing relapsing and happening again. Who at her school knows about the A? The more people that know, the less likely of it reoccuring, and the more uncomfortable they feel together (which means they are more likely to leave). I would not continue to live in this situation. I would define some boundaries and hold her to them.

i work in the school system, trust me, EVERYONE i am sure knows already and are just turning a blind eye. teachers lounges are a breeding ground for gossip, both true and not true.

he should still expose, but i guarantee everyone knows.

mlhb

Thanks everyone. I have told my wife that if she does not find another position at the end of this school year that I will not be able to stay in the marriage.

I exposed indirectly when I confronted the OM outside of the school in the parking lot. I surprised my wife and OM by showing up after work and the end of the school day and sure enough there they were standing by his car.

I've been told by several sources (not really reliable though) that the OM will have nothing to do with my wife now.

I think the "affair" is over, but the damage to my marriage is substantial.

I've been lurking for a while reading everything and I bought Dr Harley's book on surviving an affair. I wish I would have found this site and read SAA when I first found out.

th, I agree with your position about leaving the marriage if she doesn't leave the job. We have affairs on this forum that turned into long term affair because the BS stayed in a marriage where the WS continued to work with the OP. It makes recovery impossible for both. Not only is it extremely disrespectful to you to not leave her job, but your marriage remains vulnerable to an affair each and every day that she goes to work with him.

I would suggest exposing the affair, though, before you leave the marriage. The affair is much less likely to resume when folks are watching at work. If the OM is married, I would most certainly inform his wife.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, sorry you are here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I exposed the affair to in-laws (they were completely useless), family, a few close friends, one of my wife's close friends (who it turned out was enabling the affair) and the OM's girlfriend before I knew it was called exposing. I had a conversation with the OM outside of their school/work in which a number of teachers must have overheard.

I found out May 5th last year and had my d-day the following Monday on the 8th!!! It kind of feels like it's too late to implement the MBers program.

Thank you all again for your opinions and advise.

My H was a teacher whose EA was with an award-winning teacher in a district across the country. I used to wish I had exposed to her principal, supt. and school board, but it's not worth the effort to even think about it now.

It's never too late to pursue saving your marriage as long as you have the desire to press on. Do you?

Ace