We're both on our 2nd marriage. Been together for 10 years.
He's always had music/guitar hobby, but in the past year it's taken over his life. He gives lessons, does gigs. Lately it's everything to him. I've spoken to him and all he says is I'm not supportive. I tried but it's too much. I've told him it's like me taking my job 24 hours a day.
If I don't plan anything we'd just sit at home. He's on the computer all the time looking up songs, you name it.
I feel like I've been dumped for a hobby. He says it's not interfering in our life but it is because it is his life.
We're in our early 50's, no kids at home anymore.
I've been honest with him how I feel about this being weekends/nights/ etc. but he's not listening. He told me to go out more so he can do what he wants to do.
I'm at the end of my rope now.

Welcome, Sunny, to MarriageBuilders...

I saw the second thread you created with a continuation post from this one. My opinion is to keep your posts together on this thread...because they are important. You can click reply to your own message and that puts your next post below your first one. You can copy and paste your other post here, too.

Might be backwards for me to be answering your second post before you put it here...I don't mind awkward...hope you don't.

Have you been reading all the articles on this website? A lot of them address what you're going through...which is Independent Behavior...you can find it in the Love Busters articles. And there have been many threads about IB and how it affects our marriages.

What I hear your H saying is he's defining your marriage experience instead of sharing his viewpoint...which is common. Communication is really important because we're going for understanding an issue first, rather than fixing it. May not need to be fixed...may need to be understood.

By telling you that you aren't supportive when you express feeling dumped for a hobby...he's not sharing what support means to him. And when you share that you feel second place, not important...what you may be really wanting to share is that you desire more attention, more mutual Recreational Companionship (RC) time...have you done the Emotional Needs (ENs) Questionnaires? This helps us to identify our ENs for ourselves and share more clearly with our partners...same for the Love Busters (LBs) Questionnaires.

All these can be found in the links to the right of your post. Read up on the Four Rules of Marriage...and learn you're not crazy or alone. You're not wrong or bad, and neither is your H.

I'm delighted you searched and found this website. We're all here to help...because we were helped. You can't change your H...I know you already know that. However, when you change your own choices, everything changes.

Understanding comes first...and in your second post, you are quick to hear insinuations...those are DJs (disrespectful judgments)...which was really eye-opening (and mind opening) for me. Read a lot here...I hope you'll feel those clicks inside...because your marriage can thrive. No end of rope...a whole new beginning.

I hope this helps.

And I have a thought...the Emotional Needs Forum gets a bit more traffic...if you want, you could copy and paste both your posts over there...I'll follow you, 'k?

In your corner,

LA

Could it be that he gets admiration and affirmation from this hobby? That it is lacking otherwise?