His 'wife' should be told anyway. It is the right thing to do...why keep that a secret from her. You should tell your daughters yourself and not let the OW/'wife' tell them in anger.

Was there an underlying message there that he doesn't really care as much about his OW 'wife' after all?

Male bluster when confronted by a threat. It means nothing, and should not be interpreted in terms of how he is getting along with his OW or not as the case may be.

Probably he is NOT getting along with her very well. His fantasy is evaporating over time as most of them do and he was looking for getting one or more of his ENs met through you. Now you have shut that door and good for you.

The right thing to do would be to tell his OW. Yet that has issues beyond the normal in that she might interpret any such revelation as lies based on sour grapes. I do agree that even though your kids are grown and can make their own decisions as to what relationship they should have with their father, using them to communicate forces them to do things they might not want to do.

Why do you have to have ANY contact for ANY reason with him, I don't understand that.

Larry

I thought about the situation and I decided that I didn't want to put my daughters in the middle of all this. I talked it over with my sister and she is going to be the in-between.

See, my daughters are 13 and 10 years old and the reason I have contact with their father is like if my 10 yr old is sick and has to stay home from school then we take turns staying home with her so that one of us is not missing too much work. I should state that she stays at his house with him or at my house with me. Other situations are when I have to swap weekends with him because of other events going on, or if I can't pick them up to take them to school functions, things of that nature, etc.

So most of you feel that I should tell the OW. Okay, I am going to send her an e-mail now. Then I am going to talk to my daughters.

I will continue posting. Thank you everyone. Well, here I go.

Well, I sent an e-mail to my ex-husband's wife letting her know about me and my ex-husband. She sent me back an e-mail calling me an f*#(&ing liar and that I will never quit being jealous of them being together. She said she will not believe anything I have to say and that I better leave them alone. She accused me of making all of this up.

I guess I did what I had to do. Do I just leave it alone now and let her handle it the way she wants? I have not heard from my ex for 2 weeks now.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss hearing from him but I do feel like I'm gradually getting back my self-respect and I feel stronger which makes it that much easier knowing that I did the right thing.

Does anyone understand how I feel or am I just crazy???

I'd cut your losses and move on. You tried to tell her...she responded angrily...there you go.

You've ended it with him...take steps to make sure that it will NOT rekindle.

Well...

Given the tempo of the board...

I thought I would reading...

"Since their marriage was the result of an affair, they really are NOT married....so, technically you are NOT committing adultery (having an affair) since he was married to you FIRST... so he is still your H"

And I didn't read that once...or did I miss it?

committed

I don't think she is committing an affair as their marriage is simply a piece of paper for tax filing and legal purposes but she is committing bad judgement and has stopped, hopefully asked forgiveness, told the OW who is now the bride and she has called her names. Move on now and let the karma bus handle these two

Vicker,

You are brave! Know that...and true to yourself...at last. What you did wasn't an act based on possible response...you did the right thing for the right reason and let the outcome go.

Keep letting it go. How did the talk with your DDs go?

(Btw, OW knows you are telling the truth...she has lived in fantasy for all of her life...has lots of ways of self-deceiving...your choice to believe she knows...now that she really does...you did your part...and see where you might have ended up, beginning that horrible pattern of self-deception, which continues, becomes automatic, and then you're trapped that way.)

I'm very proud to know you, Vicker. Please stay here and keep reading and posting. Enjoy your self-respect deposit (a big one) and understand the ways in which you self-deceived...find your sore and hurting spots...learn how to see yourself as you really are...whole, complete and valuable.

Way to go...

LA

Thanks everyone. It always helps to post. I always feel so much better afterwards. I will let it go now. I'm not going to worry about what the OW thinks.

The talk with my daughters went well. They had a lot of questions for me and I did the best I could to answer them. I have to admit I was scared to death to tell them the truth but it was a big relief to be honest with them.

I will continue posting and reading.

Do the right thing and sleep well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OW isn't stupid or naive (six husbands), just self destructive. She knows the truth when it hits her between the eyes. She is mad at you because that is easier than being mad at herself for yet one more failure.

Larry