Hello,

If you are going through what I am going through, please advise me


My hubby and I got married last July of 06- ever since we got married, I have been trying to change him by telling him to appreciate me and value, becuase I feel like he doesn't. One day he told me that I was his first woman in his life and that he had trouble. I always let him know that he is cold when he don't do things the way he should. For instance, on Valentines day, birthday, I want him to get me flowers and treat me special and he doesn't. Why???????It's ;ike it is a bother for him to do these things. He is ill mannered and disrespectful at times. i guess because he grew up in a dysfunctional family and I didn't. Sometimes I get very mad because he is not the way I want a husband to be. I want to feel loved, protected and valued, and he doesn't do that often. After 8 months of marriage, I feel bad that he is not affectionate enough and supporting. I got mad, and told him that we should go our separate ways because he don't meet my expectations and he don't value me. Sometimes,he is concerned about money and he doesn't get me things that I want, and his excuse is because he doesn't have a goo paying job. I told him that we should head our separate ways because he is very weird. He didn't want to, but eventually he left. I was crying when this happened and now, I feel miserable and I miss him and I don't want to loose him. It's been already 6 days and I don't know where he is at and what is going to happen to us. Even though I told him I want the divorce, I don't! I feel empty without him. The worse thing, is that I don't see myself with another man, it doesn't feel right. Even though he is weird, cause he is not the typical man to praise his wife, I love him!

For any of you who have been through a separation similar or close to this, will he return?????????Will he want to work things out, or did I loose him??????What am I to expect from a situation like this?????

I know that he is not the type to cheat or to have any side addictions, I know that for sure, the only problem is that he is ill mannered, tight, cold, at times. I guess because everytime I am mad I punish him by not giving him any sex. I can write a lot of things about him, but the truth is that I miss him and I can't get him out of my heart, it hurts to know he is not with me for 8 days now. I really miss him. It is not like I feel good without him, I don't, I feel bad!!!!!

Dukeboy,

Firstly, I don't think it is fair to him to put out fake threats. Never say you want something when you really don't. Most guys hate when the things they do are not recognized. That is where us women have to say this is what I want and this is how I want it. He should adhere to what your needs are. I think blaming it on the budget is a poor excuse. There are many ways to make someone feel special without having to spend a dime. He should definitely be interested in the things that you want and need. He needs to be open minded on working out this marriage. You can't make him do it. He has to want to. The fact that he left and you can't find him is very scary. How have you tried to contact him?

My husband and I were together for 8 months when he decided to leave me. I know what you are going through.

I feel like I'm a good husband, it is my wife I am having problems with. It is she who does not respect me, it is she who doesn't treat our things the way I would like, it is she who negates my statements and makes only her thoughts important. She just deletes whatever I say and goes on with whatever she thinks is appropriate.

We've been marriage for over 5 years, and honestly, I'm very very tired of needing to fight just to have a little need or want accepted or "heard" by my wife.

Sometimes, she tries...but I'm so incredibly tired.

So, dukeboy, maybe you can tell him what you really want. Maybe he'll work on it, maybe he won't.

If he doesn't treat you right, you should feel great when he's gone. But it feels like a failure that you couldn't help him love you in a way that you wanted to be loved.

I thought my wife and I would grow together...she said she would work on herself. When we got married, she started yelling at me a lot, she slept all day, she was very very negative and angry...and I was her punching bag. She didn't work on herself like she said she would, and she certainly did not "honor" or "cherish" me.

So, why deal with that? If you cut the rope, then you did and so be it. He's gone. You'll be able to look for and find the kind of man who treats you the way you wish to be treated.

If you talk with him, and you do love him and he loves you, then you can repair everything. You can tell him you love him, but your love is something to be cherished...and that although he's the love of your life...he still needs to learn how to cherish and love you, in order for you to be happy.

If he loves you, he'll want you to be happy, and he will enter counseling with you.

If he is unwilling to hear your needs, then you either have an uphill battle ahead of you, or you may just want to accept him as gone, and enjoy the riddance of someone who was a drain on your life.

I accepted the uphill battle, and I'm very very tired of how my wife treats me. It's been getting better, but today was just a tragedy. If she would just care about what it is that I'm saying! It's so frustrating!

Best,
D--