From KaylaAndy recent post:
Quote
Time marches right through our hearts - whether we appreciate the teacher or not - so we count the blessings and receive the gift. Though we'd rather stop time, and even turn time back, the gift of pain we don't want to receive is placed into our hands.

Someday - but not someday soon, the pain that time left in our hearts gives way to happy memories (bless the fact that they were made), and while rain mists upon our tear-stained cheeks, we smile at the song of a chickadee and a hint of sunshine - breaking through grey clouds and the memory of loved ones gone... while we learn from Time.


All,
I'm still taking baby steps to extricate myself from my XH's life. I still don't know if he knows that we are divorced (since Mar 28).

He is still talking to OW and saying "what did you expect" as a reeason for doing so.

It will all be okay. The counselor I was seeing (women's shelter - abuse ) has left so I am not now actively seeing a counselor. She did give me the names of 2-3 that she thought would be good.

I've been reading alot tryiing to make sense of what happened. I'm actively reading books that teach techniques and/or bring things to light that I might not have thought of before. The two I have with me are:

Leaving Him Behind - Cutting the cord and breaking free after the marriage ends
Sandra S. Kahn
This books calls it the Ex-Wife Syndrome. Basically, we define ourselves by the man in our life. When he's gone, we're lost. Two of the chapters are "The Bondage of Caring" and "The Bondage of Bitterness".

The second book is:
How to fall out of Love - how to free yourself of love that hurts - and find the love that heals...
Dr. Debora Phillips

The techniques here are thought-stopping - Coming up with a series of pleasant things you can concentrate on when you think of your ex.
Silent Ridicule - an image you have in your mind of something your ex does or something that is done to your ex that would diminish him/her in your eyes. It doesn't have to be nasty or bad just a situation in which he/she would look ridiculous. An example would be a professional who always dressed in business suits showing up to a meeting in a pair of boxer shorts. Something silly that would make you laugh when you thought of it.

I am slowly but surely coming to the realization that I can survive without my XH. I have a lot of life left in me and I don't need to waste too much more time under his control. I really do need to move on.

I am actively looking for a house. My daughter and I will have a great time decorating when we find the one that is meant for us. I am going to ask her to make a list of things she wants to do this summer and then we're going to start working on that list.

I have always wanted to sky dive. I think I will treat myself for my birthday this year.

Thanks to all of you for your continued support even when I didn't take your advice (which was most of the time).