Hey....it's me. I know it's been forever.

Just wanted to pop in and see how everyone is.

I actually had a good deal of trouble remembering my login/password.

Hope everyone is okay.

God Bless

-Caren

So what's up with you???

Hi Caren !!!

So great to *see* you...

Hey ~ go over to Skylites thread about the songs, because -


You Rock !!!

Hi again. Any updates?

Hi Caren,
Good to see you- I've been wondering where you were!

Fill us in on what's up with your sitch??

Yeah, Caren!!

How about an update?? It's good to see ya and we haven't heard how ya are in a long time!!



Faithful and Tanelorn

Caren,

You probably don't remember... but your words on my thread in the Bible Study thread (last year) were a calming, sweet, healing balm for my soul. I've missed you and had hoped to see you come back around here... and here you be!

Hugs, and thank you, for being there for me when I was hurting...

Come on.....you gotta give us a report...you can't just come strolling in like that, and say "Hey!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It's not fair to just drop in like that. WE WANT AN UPDATE!!!!!

Been wandering about you...

Caren?

Hello-

Well I'm doing well. Well, I still have a WH (He's not having an affair anymore, hasn't been for a while, but he still exhibits the WH behavior...non-commital and all that.

He says he wants to get back together, he wants to be a family again.....but I see no movement on his part to do so.

He says he bought me something (He's implying it's a wedding ring - since the diamond fell out of mine) but he's not ready to "give" it to me yet.....WHATEVER...I didn't even press him about it.

I went out with some friends last night, and watched them shoot pool. I was gone from probably 10pm until 12 pm....WH must have talked to Brooklyn and found out I went out so he started blowing up my phone. I talked to him once.......then I wouldn't answer anymore.

So, when I get home around midnight the text messages start coming:

"Enjoy"
"Man you sound trashed you will be easy to pick up" (I had 1/2 of a beer)
"Make sure he wears a rubber"

I didn't respond. So he called like 4 times.

This morning I sent him a text saying "I'm not too happy about the way you were acting last night....I'm married, I would never have sex with someone else...."

He doesn't understand what he did wrong......again....WHATEVER.

Oh also the other night when he was talking to Brooklyn, he wanted to talk to me....so he says "I'm tired, I'm going to bed....." I said "Okay....goodnight, I love you" he waited a second then said "I love you too"......then he calls back 2 minutes later and says "Why do you make me say stuff?" I said "What???" He said "You said you love me...then paused waiting for me to say it back." I said "Mark...I have to go to bed....I didn't make you say ANYTHING....so goodnight.



Oh geeze it was a horrible night out. My friends boyfriend was hitting on me every time she turned away. Saying things like "Dang girl you look hot tonight", he smacked my butt" He said "I'm gonna F*** the S*** out of you" then he'd be back to kissing/hugging his GF like nothing ever happened. And I KNOW she saw some of it.

I didn't say anything to her....I've been in this boat before, and I told the girl and she got mad at ME...not going there again, compounded by the fact she's living with this guy.....but not divorced from her husband.

Ummm let's see I got a new job, I went to Mt.Washington Kentucky to train for a week. I left my cats plenty of food and water....but my insane neighbors called animal control on me.....they also said that I rented a car and went to Florida to live......they stole all my patio furniture, my daughter's bicycle AND.....brace yourself for this one BROKE INTO MY HOUSE to give the cats food and water!!!!!!!!!!! So needless to say I called the police!!!'

I've gotta get out of this place.....it's completely insane.

So anyway....as you can see, I'm in no plan whatsoever.

I'm just tired of all of this. I love him with my whole heart, but I cna't take the stress.......I don't know what I'm going to do..

I talked to a guy who is renting a house about 2 blocks away from my apartment. It's 700 a month. It has 3 bedrooms, a fenced in yard. Hopefully I'll be able to swing it. I can't move in until the 1st of July, if I decide to take it.

WH and I had discussed me moving back in there.....then he decided he wasn't "Ready". I'm telling you what.....If I have to sign a year lease somewhere....I don't know if we'll ever get back together. I'm tred of living in limbo.



Well...gotta eat lunch. I'll be back in a few to continue this update.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren-

I have tried to get in touch with you, but your email is not working. Please call me or email me immediately. Time is of the essence if many headaches are to be avoided...

-TM

Travellin,

A--Good to see you!!!

B--Is everything okay?? Give Tanelorn and I a buzz sometime at the email in my profile! Or update us here! We would love to hear how you're doin'!!


CJ and Tanelorn

I don't really know what's going on with my husband. He says he's "scared" to move too fast, I said"If we moved any slower we'd be snails!!!"

Travellin' - I have been without internet for probably a year, or very close, any time I've posted I've either been over at someone's house or at the library.


God Bless!

Caren

Okay.....I moved into the new house, Mark makes small gestures, but is still acting single (not dating) just doing what he wants when he wants.....etc.

I'm not down with it, I'm actually developing a very thick skin in that area.

I don't talk to him very often. It's not plan "B"....but he did buy me a wedding ring....I saw it, and it's being sized now.

I told him, I'm actually fine without him,I'm finding that I don't "Need" him anymore. (He doesn't like that)

I been having major health issues. I've developed a stress ulcer (That's what the Doctor called it) But I'm still having A LOT of pain......so I don't know what's gonna happen.

God Bless,

Caren

Caren- you might want to remove that e-mail address...too much info there...

Good Call Send Me....I edited out. Wasn't even thinking about that.

God Bless,

Caren

Ya know.....I told you my H bought me a new wedding ring and that it's being sized, but he still thinks "Single"....again, he basicallys off doesn't tell me where he's going (We are still living separately). I mean I guess I don't tell him everywhere I go, but it just doesn't seem like a marriage anymore, it feels more like someone I'm dating that I only sort of like. He's literally sucked the love out of me these past 3 years. I can't get mad, or sad about it at all.

I've explained that I've been carrying the weight of our entire relationship on my shoulders for way too long, I can't do it alone anymore. I told him we're gonna have to start all over again if he wants to get back together, because this has changed us both dramatically, and I'm not
all that sure the people we've become are going to be compatible. We used to be...but I don't know anymore.

He's apologized several times for"Everything he's put me through" But our 12th anniversary is coming up in August, and I really don't know what we're celebrating. (I assume that's when he's planning on giving me the ring)

I don't know.....shouldn't I have SOME feeling about all of this? I just feel kind of numb.

I think it might just be too little, too late.

I've been praying for this for so long, and wanting my family back together for so long & I've been disappointed over and over and over again. He doesn't have the ability to disappoint me anymore.

We used to say "I love you" before we left in the morning,at the end of every phone call, and before we went to sleep. He doesn't say it very often, and I don't either, it's almost a lie to tell him I love him.

I think I love who he was before all of this happened, I'm not in love with him anymore.

I'll still try, for the girls, but there will be no extrordinary effort on my part.

He has been telling me lately he misses me, that he misses coming home to me, coming home to know that his dinner is ready and that his house would be clean and that he could snuggle up to me at night.

He also told me the other day he thinks I'm beautiful, I haven't heard that in so many years I didn't even know what to say except "thank you".

Is it normal to feel this way??? I mean if we're trying to reconcile should I be putting forth more of an effort....the whole fake it til' you make it thing?

Because as it stands right now, I'm faking it.

He's sending me little text messages in the morning telling me he hopes I have a good day.....and stuff like that, and I thought, well I guess that's kind of cute...I replied back and told him to have a good day too, and be careful (He's driving a cement truck now -- TOTALLY removed from the FOW's comings and goings).

I told him that I can't take this dating my husband thing anymore, that I deserve better, he said he knew I deserved better and that he wanted to see me more often and try to get this worked out. BUT (BIG BUT) I have to remind him of that conversation.....like "I thought we were going to see each other more" then he says, "we will.....we'll do something tommorrow" What was wrong with doing something today? What was wrong with it.....his plans don't include me....that's what's wrong with it.

Am I wrong to feel that way??? Why wasn't his "family" invited to this stupid cookout??

We were supposed to spend time together the 4th since we were both off work.......when do I hear from him - 7pm. He took us out to dinner at steak n shake. He went car shopping all day on the 4th. Because cars are more important than family I guess. Whooo Hoooo steak n shake....now that's a realy 4th of July celebration.

No one in my family was doing anything on the 4th either....nothing has been the same with them since my sister died....Mom doesn't really want to "do anything" about the holidays......she didn't even do anything AT ALL for my birthday......not even a card, just a phone call. But she went out and put flowers on my sister's grave 11 days before that on her birthday.

So I sat at home ALL DAY LONG on the 4th.

H and I and the kids went to see the fireworks here where I live on the 30th....but that was the extent of my independence day.

I don't know....I want him to WANT to do things with me...I don't want to badger him into doing things with me....how the h-e double hockey sticks do I get that across to him?

Geeze....I dunno,

God Bless,

Caren

I'm sorry you're still struggling.