Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
N
Junior Member
Junior Member
N Offline
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
I am opening this up to the forum for ideas: This is my question on my current situation. (I have been in Plan A for well over a year, more or less)


Dr. and Mrs. Harley:

Again, many thanks for all you do. The radio show is a Godsend!!

I have another question.

My wife and I are in the divorce process. We still are in the same home with our two teenaged daughters, our eldest daughter is away at college. Our eldest knows the whole situation, and the younger daughters, only “ the Mom had an affair” part, not who with.
I am doing my very best at Plan A. We do share many meals together and she lets me meet some of her emotional and all financial needs.

However, my wife still maintains social relationships with her four main recreational companions (two women, both single) in their early fifties, and two males (single) in their thirties. One of the males is her ex-lover. To your point, “her personality were to become incredibly annoying,” well this is the biggest one. She says nothing is going on now, but the mere fact there is any communication or contact at all, is incredibly annoying. I have had it. Plan A is not bringing her back, and I am beginning to lose the desire to have her back
(As you have stated).

Here is the question. It is, in my estimation, time to move to Plan B. I will write the Plan B letter to her and the ex-lover this week.
I distantly know the ex-lover’s family, father, mother, and two sisters. Should I write them each a letter,
explaining this situation, though the physical part was over (she says over a year and a half ago)?
This is not “control” on my part. I don’t deserve this, nor do my daughters. I still want her back but only 100%, not 50%
or 10% as it has been.

What will “lift” the fog?


Sincerely,

J

Texas

Maybe there isn't a good answer. Thoughts?

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
G
Member
Member
G Offline
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
Reality will left the fog. But, after the fog lifts, there may not be the answers or resolution you want.

Usually, Plan B letters do not include the other person or the other person's family. That is handled during the "exposure" part. If you have not exposed your wife's affair, you should consider it. If you have no reason to believe she is still involved with this man, you may have more to lose by exposing it than you have to gain. Exposure allows the peer pressure of family and friends to work its magic toward ending the affiar. If the affair is over, all you've done is mortify your wife and feed the gossip fire.

If you are moving to Plan B, please consider the legal ramifications. Be sure to check with your attorney before moving out.

Good luck


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
N
Junior Member
Junior Member
N Offline
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 4
Thanks Greengables.

I will miss my daughters, thankfully they can drive, and can visit. This going
"Dark" during a divorce will be hard in that we have a home to sell, and property to divide, etc.

I know it will get better, down the road.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
Member
K Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Consult with your attorney before doing anything as Plan B can be taken out of context by your STBX and twisted to remove your claim on assets, up the ante on alimony and child support, etc.

Plan B is for those seeking to recover their marriage, not for those who have truly lost the desire for that recovery.


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 682 guests, and 73 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
ameliamartin, Nicholas Jason, daisyden878, Oren Velasquez, Kerniol
71,999 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,508
Members72,000
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0