I am opening this up to the forum for ideas: This is my question on my current situation. (I have been in Plan A for well over a year, more or less)


Dr. and Mrs. Harley:

Again, many thanks for all you do. The radio show is a Godsend!!

I have another question.

My wife and I are in the divorce process. We still are in the same home with our two teenaged daughters, our eldest daughter is away at college. Our eldest knows the whole situation, and the younger daughters, only “ the Mom had an affair” part, not who with.
I am doing my very best at Plan A. We do share many meals together and she lets me meet some of her emotional and all financial needs.

However, my wife still maintains social relationships with her four main recreational companions (two women, both single) in their early fifties, and two males (single) in their thirties. One of the males is her ex-lover. To your point, “her personality were to become incredibly annoying,” well this is the biggest one. She says nothing is going on now, but the mere fact there is any communication or contact at all, is incredibly annoying. I have had it. Plan A is not bringing her back, and I am beginning to lose the desire to have her back
(As you have stated).

Here is the question. It is, in my estimation, time to move to Plan B. I will write the Plan B letter to her and the ex-lover this week.
I distantly know the ex-lover’s family, father, mother, and two sisters. Should I write them each a letter,
explaining this situation, though the physical part was over (she says over a year and a half ago)?
This is not “control” on my part. I don’t deserve this, nor do my daughters. I still want her back but only 100%, not 50%
or 10% as it has been.

What will “lift” the fog?


Sincerely,

J

Texas

Maybe there isn't a good answer. Thoughts?

Reality will left the fog. But, after the fog lifts, there may not be the answers or resolution you want.

Usually, Plan B letters do not include the other person or the other person's family. That is handled during the "exposure" part. If you have not exposed your wife's affair, you should consider it. If you have no reason to believe she is still involved with this man, you may have more to lose by exposing it than you have to gain. Exposure allows the peer pressure of family and friends to work its magic toward ending the affiar. If the affair is over, all you've done is mortify your wife and feed the gossip fire.

If you are moving to Plan B, please consider the legal ramifications. Be sure to check with your attorney before moving out.

Good luck

Thanks Greengables.

I will miss my daughters, thankfully they can drive, and can visit. This going
"Dark" during a divorce will be hard in that we have a home to sell, and property to divide, etc.

I know it will get better, down the road.

Consult with your attorney before doing anything as Plan B can be taken out of context by your STBX and twisted to remove your claim on assets, up the ante on alimony and child support, etc.

Plan B is for those seeking to recover their marriage, not for those who have truly lost the desire for that recovery.