Chris,

You have done well. You finally explained to her how the cow ate the cabbage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good for you. Further, your DD19 will appreciate it as well. One day she just might get her Mom back, and if she does, I have a feeling your words to Wayzilla will be part of the reason.

God Bless,

JL

Good for you Chris - I've never read your thread before. You're the man!!.

Hey Chrisner,

Wow, I read installments 1 & 2....where's 3? U R good writer but the greater part is you actually lived through all this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WOW!!

Aloha,
L.

We need to get Dr. Harley to amend his books and website to list plan FU as an official MB plan if plans A and B don't work.

I can see it now (the link on articles):

"What is plan A/B/FU?"

by Dr. Willard Harley

Chris, finally you get the undivided attention of Wayzilla and let it hang out, but in such a way that is lauded with truth, undeniable truth. I remember having similar conversation with PWC, not long after our last false recovery. I was so DONE with the Waywarddom, finished, out. I saw no further reason to hold back the anger, frustration and anguish that my son and I had dealt with for the past two years.

Then, I sunk back into Plan B, darker than dark.

Now, Wayzilla can't hide behind her wayward costume with you and DD anymore, because neither of you will allow it. You have been so dark and so patient. I can't tell you enough how you have impressed me, with your human and honesty.

Phew! Your amigos were getting ready to gas up the batmobile (sdguy has custody right now, right?), put on Wonder Woman bracelets and rescue you. From the looks of it, you can take care of yourself and DD19, too. We were at the ready, though, just holler if you need us.

We see all this talk about Mama Bears when someone is after their cubs.....Papa Bear took care of it this time! Good for you! I am so impressed with you. While I was reading, I was thinking, I've got to tuck those things away somewhere, it's EXACTLY how I feel and what I think of WH. How in the world can they not see that THEY made this CHOICE? Although, she didn't defend herself so maybe she does own it a little bit. Not enough to change it yet. You are absolutely incredible.

DD19 is so lucky to have you. So sorry to hear about her scare. (((((DD19))))) Not exactly what she needed right now.

That has to feel good to get all that off your chest. We bury that hurt so deep (or try) while doing Plan A and B, there doesn't seem to be a plan for an outlet of that. You have to get rid of it....and who better to have to face it than the WW?

Wayzilla NEEDED Plan FU and she finally got it. I'm proud of you.

Now......how do you feel about it? It takes so much energy to get rid of that chit, sometimes there is a heck of a drop afterwards. Don't drop too far, you did good.

(((((chrisner))))) and that ain't no one arm wayward hug, it's a full on "proud of papa bear" hug


And now I'm waiting oh so impatiently for the next installment. I wanna hear Wayzilla cry. (hope that's okay)

Part 3: Wayzilla Tears and the Evolution of Chrisner

Thursday June 7, 7:30 AM

Wayzilla calls on the cell phone to discuss the bank security issues due to DD19’s stolen laptop. I have not taken a call from her on the cell phone in 3-1/2 months. I answer it.

It is clear in her voice she has been crying. My response; cheerfulness, compassion, concern and helpfulness. She tells me she called her attorney again to be sure he eliminates any request for maintenance in the final proposal. She also says she does not want any of the items she requested from the house anymore.

I told her not to worry about that and I consider those things hers now. I offered to just hold on to them until she has her new place and is ready for them. I told her if there are any other things she may think of that she may need or want let me know and I will hold those for her too. I indicated that even if it something months from now that will help her in her new life and it is available call me. She does not need to filter any of these requests through her attorney any more.

She breaks down in tears. “I am confused. I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“Last night the things you said……now the way you are talking……you wouldn’t talk to me before…..”

“That was last night. I said what I needed to say and it’s behind me now. That’s over.”

We lay out a plan to call the bank for an appointment and to contact the insurance company to see if our homeowners insurance covers DD’s apartment because we are making all the rent payments. She makes the call to the insurance company.

She calls back. Me; cheerfulness, compassion, concern and helpfulness. We have coverage. I tell her that that is the best news we got to share together in a very long time. I thank her for making the call and tell her, “Good job.”

Her: Tears.

We agree to meet at the bank at 1:30 and I tell her we might as well start splitting the accounts now as long as we are there. I ask her to confirm with her attorney if this would be okay. It is, so we are ready to start the final disassembly of our life together.

I arrive at the bank before her and wait in the parking lot. Again I am wearing all new clothes and according to all the people I know who have watched my transformation over the past seven months, look very good.

She arrives and I go to the car to greet her. I smile and ask how she is, but I am in total shock at how she looks. It looked like she had aged 5-years since the meeting the day before. She really looks terrible. Her jacket hangs on her boney frame like a Hefty Bag. Her cloths; old and worn and baggy.

We go inside and start the proceedings. Unfortunately, due to the complexity of all the accounts we will not be able to finish it all until next Thursday. She is quiet and sad.

On April 24th she was all about splitting the accounts up right then. I said no. Now she sits and looks at the numbers and has trouble responding to the bank guy and me if this plan or that plan would be okay. If she agrees all she can do is nod. He keeps having to lean down and look up to get eye contact with her.

While bank guy is working on his computer I turn to her and ask, “So what are you planning for the aquarium? Are you going to have fish or maybe a couple turtles again?

I could barely hear her response, “I don’t know…..I was thinking maybe fish… maybe not anything”

I tell her that that sounds great and she would probably really enjoy a pretty fish tank and should do that.

Her eyes are reddening and misting.

Then I ask her where she is looking for a house or townhouse. “Are you going to get a nice patio home like our first home? That would be a perfect sized place for you.”

Her prophetic response, “I don’t know where I am going.”

We do all we can and schedule an appointment for next Thursday to complete the division. That should be the day after the divorce is final.

In the parking lot I start reviewing the other things we need to prepare to finalize. She puts on her sunglasses to hide her eyes. I am wearing my wedding band, she is not.

I tell her if there is anything she needs that I may have in the next few months to help her in her new place call me. I remind her I have a redundant collection of garden tools and she would be welcome to any of it. Then I tell her I understand if she would prefer to start her new life with new things too so it is okay if she declines.

I keep coming to the end and begin to back away to leave. She keeps starting a new conversation. After a couple of these hesitations I know she has something to say so I wait for it.

Finally she says, “I never meant to hurt you.”

Me: No response.

Her: “I have tried to be good and fair throughout the divorce. I have tried not to be unfair or punitive.”

Me: “You have done a great job. You behaved exactly as you promised you would. I appreciate that. Thank you.”

Her: Broken voice “I never meant to hurt you.”

Me: “My being hurt by this was simply unavoidable and inevitable. It is behind me now. It’s past. I am okay. I will see you next Thursday then.” I went to my car.

The night she left the house four and a half months ago my last words to her were, “I am staying here and am going to continue all the things I have been doing to better myself. I will be a better husband, father and man.”

She replied without emotion, “Okay.”

Today she met that man.

When I turned on my car the radio was playing the last few minutes of Barber’s Adagio for Strings. I looked back at WW and could not think of a more fitting and melancholy theme for her to begin her new life.

The batmobile was all gassed up and ready, but then we got some word, and he sounds pretty good. I think he emptied his Anger Bank, and Wayzilla heard it. She's not quite at rock bottom yet, but she's close.

I predict that she will be interested in reconiciliation in the not-too-distant future, so I encourage you to think about what you want. I also encourage you to set up a consultation with the Harleys so that they can guide you if reconciliation is what you want. I have to think that dealing with broken WS's at the bottom can be tricky.

You're doing really well, Chris!

Damn.

I'm going to print that out and put it in my wallet.

Yup Chris,

She met him alright and the sad thing is that he was there all along. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My son's apartment at college was broken into this year, not near the loss your DD19 had, but it still bothers them. Take good care of her.

God Bless,

JL

Oh, Chris...I happen to agree with JL...there ALL along and she just couldn't see...pity!

SO, how are YOU feeling today? I know with myself sometimes my emotions are slow in the making...

I knwo that PODS will not have the wonderful life that he once had...he will be struggling to keep afloat! I imagine seeing him one day like you saw WW...

YOU did a wonderful job...

affairs really suck

Chris, your writing about what transpired was so moving. I was silently cheering you on (even though it was after the fact). You rock. No... you ARE a rock. Wayzilla has lost BIGTIME in losing you... and she's beginning to see it.

(((Chris)))

chris, I don't even know what to say. I'm absolutely speechless.

You ARE an incredible and it is great that you see it. Wayzilla sees it, too. That is why she is confused. I agree with sdguy, she may start think about reconcilation any day. I knew uno amigo wasn't out of the hunt for a recovered marriage. It'll be up to you.....will she ever be able to deserve you?

Keep us posted (no pun intended <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) winds of change are ablowin' in Colorado.

Fox

Ditto for me on PrincessMeggy's comments. Ive followed your thread for months and have been rooting for you.

You have been the absolute picture of courage under fire. If there is something like a state of grace that comes out of these horrendous situations, you appear to have found it.

Remorse!!

Yes, she's about to hit.

We'll see if she bounces or SPLATS!!

Do you want her to come home?

Chris,

I second the princess. Have been watching your sitch from afar since your first post. I amaround your age and have a middle child (S) that is 19, so I have read with great interest how you and DD19 are coping.

I think you handled yourself great. There have been some good Plan FU moments on this board - yours and BC are classic. BTW, I believe your story almost brought the servers down, since it took 45 min to post this msg.

I have no doubt you expressed the very thoughts that a lot of BS would like to say while they are enduring their own personal h3ll in the face of an active affair.

Thanks for sharing - I appreciate your style of writing.

That's what he has to decide, I think. If he doesn't, he should ride out the Feel-Good-Having-Emptied-the-Anger-Bank I'm-Going-to-Be-Okay-No-Great wave and hope that the roller coaster doesn't set in again later. If he does want her to come home, I think that there may be things he can do right now to nudge her in that direction, which is why I recommended the Harleys, because I don't know what they are.

If he's ambivalent, which it sounds to me like he is, he can just go with the flow and see what happens.

Chris, I think you've done an amazing job so far. DD19 is really lucky to have you as a father.

{{Chris}}

I just caught up w/the final installment, WOW!

Batmobile was gassed up, tanks were loaded, troops at the ready when the 4 Star General stepped to the front and took complete charge of the situation!

You are the man you said you would be. How proud you should be of yourself. I know you have amazed and inspired all of us!

Bless you my friend! DD19 is one lucky girl!