Child Custody Checklist


By Dr. Barry Bricklin & Dr. Gail Elliot

Published: July 17, 2004
There are many items to think about and consider as you prepare to get involved, or re-involved, in any custody dispute. This list will help you better organize these items. It has been prepared using all of the training and experience of our 35 years in the field as custody evaluators, expert witnesses, authors, and consultants in custody cases all over the United States. (Reprinted from the Experts' 2004 Complete Custody Help Kit, by Dr. Barry Bricklin and Dr. Gail Elliot, published by the CustodyCenter.com)

Hire the right lawyer, with the right experience, knowledge and training. We have found -- during our 35 years in the field -- that hiring the correct lawyer is the most important action that you can take. Without the right lawyer nothing seems to work out as well--no matter how much work you put into your case.
Get recommendations for the right lawyer (from your family lawyer, friends, bar association).
Make a list of the other person's weaknesses. The other person is usually your spouse or former spouse, but may be grandparents, foster parents, siblings, or even the State.
Make a list of the other person's strengths. This is really important. It is too easy to concentrate on the other person's weaknesses and what they do wrong -- here we want you to list what they do right.
Make a list of your strengths.
Make a list of your weaknesses. Be brutally honest. Only you and your lawyer will see the list.
List the strengths in your present position from the view of the judge: job, economics, help from parents, etc.
List the strengths of the other person in his or her present position.
Decide if you should be the first to initiate the suit.
Decide if you should try to settle the case.
Write out a Draft Custody Plan. List everything that you want as if you will be able to get everything that you want -- you won't get everything, but making this list is a good start.
Make a list of the negotiable points in your Draft Custody Plan.
Decide if you should start negotiating with the other person.
Make a list of your bargaining chips.
Decide if you should work out a temporary custody plan with the other person.
Find out what criteria your family court looks at when awarding custody.
Find out if your judge has specific prejudices (blond hair, women or men, successful women, athletic-looking men, etc.).
Find out if the other person is using alienating strategies.
If the other person is using alienating strategies, put into effect a plan to counteract these strategies.
Decide if the other person may make false allegations in court. What would they be?
Decide how to refute any false allegations.
Make a list of witnesses that you have to refute potential allegations.
Write down, for each witness, how they should dress and act in court.
Decide how you should act in court.
Choose the clothes you will wear in court.
Decide if this is the right time to start dating.
Decide if this is the right time to move in with your new significant other.
Make a list of the marital assets.
Include in the list when each asset came into the marriage.
Include how each asset came into the marriage.
Calculate how much insurance is in force that would go to you and your child.
Calculate how much insurance you and your child actually need.
Medical coverage?
Write down the education plans for your child and yourself.
Make a list of your future potential earnings.
Think about what could happen to increase or decrease your future earnings potential.
Make a list of the other person's estimated future income.
Write down any special earnings potential of the other person.
Decide if your child is being bribed.
If yes, decide on a course of action to counteract these bribes.
Make a list by subject of the important things you have not told your lawyer. You don't want any surprises in court. List arrests, bankruptcy, affairs, fights -- everything!
Consider if there is a sickness or disability involved.
Make a list of any of the ways that you can help control legal costs.
Decide what to do if the other person wants to relocate.
Decide if you may want to relocate, now or later.
Decide if you need a custody evaluation to help your case.
Hire the right evaluator. Get recommendations from your lawyer, friends, etc.
Decide if the other person is trying to "get your goat."
Consider how it would help the other person if you did get angry.
If you energetically follow the checklist above, dig out all of the necessary answers, write them down, and communicate that information to your lawyer, witnesses, etc., you will significantly help your case!

OK - Write out a Draft Custody Plan. Haven't I been telling you to do this. The other advice is good, but get moving, then make the appt. with a good atty. You can work n the other pieces in between.
I really don't think alot of what's included above is actually considered anyway. It's just background to know how dirty to play.

What state are you in anyway?

Colorado.

I think too much.

I'm stuck as you can tell.

Talking with no action.

This checklist really was absurd wasn't it. Are you the one that told me to research? Maybe I don't need to know this much. Look at what I posted on my other post about out of state fathers, it says right there what is the most common arrangement. Do I need to know much more then that?

horsey,
i don't think that list is absurd at all.
my ex tried to play dirty.
i had the ammo to back me up.
having all the information that that lists suggests got us to settle out of court.
my ex petitioned for custody of our kids becauase honestly he #1 wants to look like dad of the year to ow and #2 he doesn't want to have to pay child support.
for every lie he put on those petition papers i had documented proof with dates, etc, that shot his lies to he**

sometimes you gotta play dirty.
his attorney looked at my counter petition and told my ex "you need to settle this out of court NOW"
eventually he did settle.
i was very kind and offered him more visitation than the court ever would have given him.
in hindsite, i should have just offered him crumbs as he would have taken them. he had him in a corner because i had a list such as the one these people suggest.

you need to be mother of the year right now. you need to stay put and be stable. do up a custody plan and do up your list. you will have it in case you need it.

mlhb

Thanks for your help, you are obviously wise from hard times yourself. I'm sorry for anyone having gone through this. Sounds like you had a good attorney looking out for you, my ex's old attorney was suggesting court and so was mine a year ago. I fled town actually to avoid the mess I got us into. I hired such a crook and he hired the biggest bit#h of town and I was told by other attorneys with her it would ONLY be a court battle. Period. My dad had just died of cancer, I wouldn't have been able to handle HER at the time. Actually any time. I'm just hoping we can agree on this but I have to have all of the info on what to agree to so we can. What do I want, what might he want, etc. don't I? I don't think I'm going to step into another attorney's office without more information/research, I even admitted to my ex how that got me in trouble the last time... finding any attorney, giving big money and saying "take care of this." Not a good strategy by the way...

Step back. So, there are good suggestions. What is the first step?
Write up your proposed custody plans, the 3 different versions.
You can get to the other stuff later. Get something on the table.

Sometimes lawyers say "court" when they know they have a client who won't budge. Most get settled before, or on the court steps. My X's atty volunteered to draft the final agreement, but never produced it before the "court date" so we had no time to review. I went through that with a fine tooth comb and still missed some things, and atty tried to put some over on us, but I was prepared. And my atty knew that I was prepared to walk out of court that day without finalizing the divorce if it wasn't right. Mine was settled in the court hallway, and we had to go before the judge to say we understood.