Been almost two years but I'm gonna say that I'm throwing in the towel. After almost 1.5 years of IC I have determined that I can't live my life with someone that could not remain faithful. I am at peace with my decision and have already told her and we are both preparing to move on in life. I do not hate her, I just don't love her.

After the A was revealed to me I was so scatter-brained, but now that I am no longer on ADs I feel I can think clearly and look to a future to finding someone that looks at marriage the same way I do.

We are still living in the same house, in fact sleeping in the same bed (no other beds), but it is not bad. We've been doing it now for almost 3.5 weeks and we have reamined very civil. She has asked me the "why" questions and I have told her calmly with as little finger pointing as possible. My thought is that she is fire and anything negative I say right now could be gas and that just wouldn't do anyone any good.

I never thought I would be so sure of this decision, but I am glad I made it so I can get to a point that I want to be. I know there is someone out there for me and I will enjoy the adventures of finding her once I am ready.

Hi ... thanks for the update

So sorry to hear this, pardner. It's your decision though, one you're entitled to make. It sounds to me like you've considered this at length and aren't rushing it. Good luck with the rest of your life.

I don’t understand this sentence: “She has asked me the "why" questions and I have told her calmly with as little finger pointing as possible.”

Really? She does not know why you want a divorce? Does she not remember she committed adultery?

Anyway, it is good you took the time and effort to figure out what you want. Good luck and God speed.

There are some BH here who will envy you.

With prayers,

""There are some BH here who will envy you.""

Probably many more than any of us would care to admit!

The decision was made slowly and thoughtfully and the peaceful feeling is the dark weight lifted from your shoulders and the huge expansive bright future ahead of you.

You are AWESOME <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

kirk

I assume that you live in a "no-fault" state?

Here, marriage law is a bit different, and basically I have only 6 months from disclosure to decide whether or not I want to continue being M'd, and if I don't decide by that time, the only other option for D is after two years of separation (if both spouses volunteer to do so), or five years (only one spouse's approval required).

Not that I could just walk away like that. I've got my two children to consider, and I keep reminding myself that my vows were for better or for worse.

It's just that if I do want to be able to get out of my M quickly at this point, I'd actually have to have an A to do so... according to our laws.

It's not that she forgot, she just assumed all was well and behind us since it has been nearly two years. She tought that because I stopped IC that everything was OK, when in fact my counselor applauded me when I told him that I needed to stop seeing him so I can take time to figure out what it is that I want without the crutch of IC. He thought it was a good move (odd, since they don't make money when you stop seeing them) and that I was ready to figure things out.

She wanted to know why because she thought we were OK so I told her my feelings. She asked when I knew that I no longer loved her (around Thanksgiving) and why I stayed. I stayed because I tried to get my spark back to what we once had. Unfortunately that did not happen and I could not feel what I once did.

Her anger and hurt is understandable and it is not my intention to make things worse. I do enjoy our friendship and I cannot look back and think I've wasted my life with her. I see old photos of us and I am reminded of a time when we were truly in love and I like that. I hope that she will want to remain a part of my life and that our friendship stays, but I understand if that does not happen.

H4F,

I thought things were going well for you in recovery based on some of the things you posted 6 months post d-day so I was suprised to read this from you.

Although I must admit I completely understand your motive.

Has you FWW been pulling her weight in recovery or has she been mailing it in?

You sound well.

FWW has done everything that could be hoped for. She did her part just great, but that didn't bring my love for her back.

One of the little things I couldn't get past was when she worked late for a few weeks everyday in November and I could never get a hold of her. I would call her work and cell and not get an answer. This led me to think, "Is she doing it again?"

Truth is she was working and her work phone was turned off so she could get things done and cell doesn't get signal in the building. I know this is true, but that's not the point. My thought was this - I instantly went to thinking about her cheating again and I don't want to sit here 20 years from now thinking like this about someone that is supposed to be my soulmate.

I need to start fresh with someone that I can look in the eyes and know that they have never strayed. It's that whole trust thing...it really is important to me.

I understand.

If I recall correctly, you don't have any kids with your WW so did that make your decision easier?

Not having kids made it less complicated. I will miss her kids, though.