I don't think that I would in any way contact the OW. If you tell her that your WS still has feelings for her, she may act on the assumption that their love is still alive and kicking and in a moment of weakness, she may contact him. So then, all your WS's work in recovering from the addiction will be totally useless. No...do not contact her. If you feel the need, write her a thank you letter and then burn it. Besides, why would you like to thank someone who voluntarily involved herself with a married man?

Here's the latest development. I'm into Plan A and my WH is having his withdrawal symptoms. Though I keep telling myself I should put all my effort into loving him and it is normal that he cannot respond to me right now, there are times I really feel discouraged... And though I keep reminding myself not to be paranoid anymore, I find myself wondering if it was the OW whenever he gets a message or phone call. I will always turn out to be wrong and I hate myself for snooping into his cell phone again and again. Also, I have developed feelings of resentment. I know that my WH had tried to offer that OW an MP3 player as a gift before but she rejected that offer (during the A). Now, my birthday is round the corner and I sort of tested him and asked him for a similar MP3 player too (he didn't know that I knew). He readily agreed to it though I know it will burn a hole in his pocket. But I realise that I have this thought 'better me than her to receive such a gift, better he burn the hole for me than for her'. Oh how I hated myself for being such a shallow person. Now, whenever I see a MP3 player on display, I am reminded of the A again so I felt like asking my WH NOT to give me that as a present... Why am I turning into such a horrible person? Help!!

I don't know if you are a horrible person or not. Do you pull the wings off flies? Do you drown kittens?

You aren't a horrible person for these feelings. My ears perked up for every phone call for maybe more than six months.

The MP3 player is an obvious trigger for you. There will be many more not so obvious. This will bother you for a long time. It is normal. There is nothing wrong with you (unless you like to drown kittens).

Okay I just read the rest of your thread. If you are allowing WH to continue to work with OW, it is a waste of time to post to you. If you continue to make excuses, you are an enabler. Why would your WH look for another job now? He would be away from the woman he loves. Why would she expose? I think I see a sexual harassment lawsuit in your future.

Your Husband shows no remorse for what he is doing and for what he has done to you. By doing a plan A without exposure, you are just allowing him to cake-eat. And now you are asking us if you should encourage the co-worker to stop exposing him????

He is very much in a wayward headset and there is nothing to stop him from continuing this affair or starting another one since he sees himself as blameless.

He cannot remain friends with her. This is just his way of saying he will admire her in his own way, allowing for an opportunity to continue the affair.

In fact, probably the only reason he told you of the affair is because the co-worker who is exposing it at work threatened him with telling you what was going on.

This OW went shopping with him??, allowed him to hold her hands??, and he wants you to feel sorry for her?? He is still very wayward.

I think you should talk to the co-worker who exposed and find out what else is going on and let her know that you want to be informed of your H's activity.

Your husband is playing you big time.
Lake