Hubby says he no longer speaks with OW. He is in the army and is stationed in Korea (in 3-4 weeks I will be joining him there). About 3.5 months ago we found out I was pregnant.

Shortly after that ALL contact was cut with OW (he says). I'm still worried that he's talking to her behind my back but if I bring up the situation he gets up and feels horribly guilty. He says he just wants things to go back to the way they once were and he wants to have our family and start clean.

My concern is he is in love with baby and not me. I know deep inside that he does love me... or else he would have followed through with this relationship with OW (he had said she was pregnant and was going to be with her... but he told her to get rid of the baby and he was staying with me because he loved me). This was back in January.

There have always been issues with "was OW actually pregnant" but I keep that to myself.

I'm sure some of this isn't making 100%... but when someone is confused what does make sense?

Are my fears justifyed? Are my feelings normal?? I'm sure things will be better once I arrive in Korea and live with him again...

Sita,
I have tried twice to reply and twice lost it.

Briefly, this CAN work, but you can't just ignore the infidelity. Get counseling together, read recovery books, work on your relationship and identify what it was within HIM that made him think an affair was "okay" so he doesn't do it again! Esp. since he's active duty, separations, etc. He needs to learn concrete actions he can take to EARN back your TRUST!

And don't assume he's off scot free re: Xow. If it turns out she was pregnant and kept the baby, he could still be hit with child-support and even BACK child-support, depending on her state laws, which could affect your family finances.

Best wishes,
J
over 20years a military wife
went overseas after DH impregnanted Xow 9years ago

Hi Sita.

I'll have to agree with Jenny on this one. It's alright to want things to work between you and the H, but you guys need to sit down and talk about the thoughts running through your head.

Address his infidelity. Tell him about your fears. How you want to do this, you will have to decide...since you know him better.

During all this, don't forget to take care of yourself, and try not to subject yourself to any further stress...think about the baby...as s/he is a part of you.

Lots of luck.