Hi everyone. I probably should not be here but while working on my files today, I came across something I printed out that Suzet* sent to Broken Vessel many moons ago. This is only for those of you who know NCW and myself. I will not keep posting, but it struck me today that I wanted to thank the people here that really did reach out and show care no matter how it was shown. I have not forgotten you all. My life is still evolving but I have not taken for granted at all the lessons I have learned, even if some will refute that. I just wanted to say thank you to many of you. I know you love NCW and I am glad for that. I was never good at expressing myself with typing on this computer, but there has always been more to me than what was presented here.

That is the past. Keep helping others. And try to filter their words through this limited media. Just thinking of you all. You know who you are. God bless you guys. I am sorry for my personal failures and my failures here.

Life is new every day. The sun shines and the opportunity to grow and change is new every day. I am so thankful for that. For the FWW or WW that may be here now; contrary to what NCW may or may not think, I have not stopped hurting still to this day over what I did to him and everyone else. I think about it all the time. I am aware. So much to say.

Well, once again I cannot put into words what my mind and heart wish to express here.

Thanks again and I won't hang out any longer.

RAP

Hey Rap. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Long time no post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just so ya know:
Not all of us Know what happened between the 2 of you .....and I for one didn't want to intrude into NC's space to prod and ask.
[Just seemed kinda touchy and how do I just out of the Blue start asking a bunch of stuff ....ya know??]

Plus all I can get out of the search engine is the last posters 250 posts ....and with NC postings on stuff like idiotville .....well, 250 went by waaaaay before I thought to search about what happened. (just for context)

But then out of no where, here YOU are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps you could give us at least a quick update on what occurred (from your point) and perhaps where your heading now?

I'm sure more then one person would appreciate some closer,
as your situation did involve a fair amount of posters.

(OK, I'll admit I did one day go back and try to look up a lot of those old posts,
unfortunately like BV ..You too deleted many of yours).
In addition,
you pretty much just disappeared so I didn't ever really get a sense of just what the heck happened --- other then you musta just kinda left or something.

Sure hope you consider it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
In any case,
hope your finding yourself path you are content and happy with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

**********************
edited:
OH yea,
also always wondered if you were still in any type of contact with BV?
Or if not now, at any time after you left here?
Yea,
guess I got more invested in a lot of my earlier threads [When I was newer) then I'd like to admit.
Sue me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

In any case I'd always wondered about that,
and just wanted to make sure to ask that question too [in case you don't stick around long].
Thanx <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

RAP,

You are very much loved! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NOW

top rope,

Hi. I am supposed to be working so would have to respond later anyway. To be honest, I do not know if I want to dig up and go into all of the past.It is very painful and at some point we have to move on. It is more because it still emotionally stops me in my tracks not because I am not willing to say what happened. I will think about it and it will take a while anyway to explain.

Maybe if you just look up runawaypot you can find more. I am not sure. But if I can get time between baseball, work, etc. I might try to write something that will help you to know more. But hi there and thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi NOW. You know what you mean to me or at least I hope so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

RAP

RAP,
I DO appreciate your at least taking it under consideration. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I understand that it isn't the most pleasant task to be asked. I get that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

However,
I am truly interested. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Of course no pressure .....as well as you can give as much or little as You Choose too.
[and we all understand time constraints ...for sure]

Indeed (at least for myself)
Even the basics would help me out.

Cause I honestly didn't even Know you'd left ....except for one sentence NCW posted kind of in passing about how you had.
(I don't get on anywhere near as much as I once did .....and by the time I noticed his reference .....his post count was like way high).
Plus I don't even know how much he wrote about it in any case .....as I doubt he was looking for much advice by that point.

OK,
I'll stop and give you some space.
Guess I'm just selfish sometimes.
Sorry if that offends anyone here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />.

RAP,

I don't know if you recall me either, but I too would like to get a bit of closure on how you guys ended up. There was a lot of activity when you two posted and it was never clear how you all resolved things.

I appreciate your pain, and if you don't feel you can address then I understand.

God Bless,

JL

RAP -good to see you again! It is so nice to know that you remember us. Hope you are still working towards being a Proverbs31 woman.

Of course I remember you Just Learning. You were one of those I was addressing. I do not have time but will try to come back soon.

Hi Believer. Nice to see you.

RAP

wow RAP!!

i can't tell you the amount of times i have thought of you.

i really wish we had not lost touch with each other.

my email is still the same, i would love it if you dropped me a note. i had mail troubles and lost my address book so i don't have yours anymore. although i think we were already falling out of touch when that happened anyway.

i really really have missed you. and i know where things stand with you and NCW, so you don't have to worry about having to tell me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

i hope to hear from you. i know you hurt over it all too (i still do, don't we all??)

hi RAP >waving<

RAP.

I got a bit teary eyed when I saw you here. It brought back a lot from those times we were all in contact with each other.

I also know the whole story and I'm just very, very sorry about all of it.

This is what I found:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2970026

I don't remember much else. I could search more, I suppose, but it might be best 2 let RAP speak for herself.

-ol 2long

I found more, so now I remember more.

But I hope that, this time, RAP does finish out her thread.

-ol' 2long

Hi RAP, good to see you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Please give an update. So many people on here (as you can see) love you, still remember you and would like to know what has been going on in your life.

Hugs and blessings,
Suzet

Hi all. Thank you for the replies. I guess I should have posted when I had more time but it was a spontaneous thing and I was really wanting to say thank you to all of you. The next two days are really busy work days and baseball days. I will try to respond.

This is what I was afraid of.:) I am not good at this, and everything I say will come out wrong. I will get back to you. Thank you for all the nice responses. I do not know if I can do this again, but I knew if I came on, I would owe you an update.

Talk to you soon.

RAP

I wish I had posted when I knew I would have more time. I really did not want to draw a lot of attention to NCW and myself again. But I looked at the link that 2long posted and just wanted to reply very quickly to that.

I never got married. I actually never said I was planning on getting married. Not that not marrying has made anything okay. I am trying to learn from my mistakes and that is why I have not made that decision.

And I feel like I am definitely repentant. Absolutely no question about that. But I guess it depends on what the definition of repentant is here. If making it work with NCW would be part of that then I failed. There are things I would never discuss here as to why I believe NCW and myself are not together. Mainly because I do not want to get into saying negative things about each other. Also, for the obvious reasons that if I wanted out (not saying that is right or wrong), what I did was the worst thing a person could EVER do to someone.

Looking at that link is painful because I know my regrets. I did not make it right the way NCW wanted. But I do live with the pain. No one can say I do not. And in my opinion he does deserve a different kind of woman. Not a copout. Just an honest observation. I was not strong. I am coming back more and more every day. Oops. I have already said too much.

But I am not married. Nor do I have plans any time soon. Still figuring things out.

As to an update of how we ended...that will be a long one and I am very afraid my viewpoint and NCW's will be so different that it will start something that I honestly do not want. But if I can just come back and post the facts of how we ended, etc., I do owe it to all of you.

Thanks.
RAP

RAP, i missed it when NCW announced you were getting married back then. thanks for straightening it out.

i still would love to contact you off of the board, if you so desire. let me know.

Orchid: Learning from your mistakes makes you a more valuable person. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> This is good news.


Orchid: Repentance is a huge action word. This not only makes you a better person but in a good position to help others as well. You have added much to your value as being a good person.


Orchid: Living with pain is part of life. Sometimes that is why those who have 'reformed' from their former ways are often hard on those they see dragging their feet. Admitting is a step towards healing. In time this will get more managable. Your honest observation is helpful.


Orchid: Rap, gotta commend you for sharing your POV. This is what separates the Xws (in title only) from those truly in recovery.

Wishing you well in your life's journey.

Aloha,
L.

RAP:

Though I am pro-marriage and would love 2 see everyone happily married, I'm heartened 2 hear that you didn't get married at that point, in particular, not 2 a former OM.

I believe we all need 2 work through our pain at our own pace - we can't go around it.

I wish you all the best.

-ol' 2long

^bump