Boy oh boy was this a doozy! Almost our entire counseling session was us talking about oral sex. Course I had to bring it up, but when I did, my husband boldfaced lied to the counselor and said that he was always willing to do it but that I didn't want him to! What a liar! I still can't believe he sat there and told that lie. Sure, after years of him hemming and hawing about having to do it, I stopped asking, but he knows this is the only way I can orgasm, so he knows good and well that I've always wanted it. It really pissed me off that he would lie like that, but after we talked more about it, he finally did admit that he'd been neglectful and a little selfish in the sexual department. <P>The counselor suggested that he and I set up "dates" with each other. Oh oh, this means he might have to pull out my chair or open the car door for me! She said after we "get to know each other" again after "dating" that we should move toward being intimate with each other again. Sounds like this could be a long process. Tonight is our first "date". We're going to see a movie. Any suggestions? I don't even know what's out.

Nodding Hill?<BR>i am sorry to hear about your husbands reluctance to pleasure you...sounds like he is a little "intimadated"?<P>between you and stonehenge, i think this is quickly becoming a pay site........<p>[This message has been edited by covenant (edited October 08, 1999).]

Stone, I don't think anyone minds and you're right, it's not funny. A few people made jokes on my thread too, but I just ignored it. This is the real world and we are grownups. It's all part of married life. Plus, this is an adult site.

Why do people lie in counseling. Do counselors see through it?<P>Come on, I don't understand. If one spouse says that they need something, it definitely seems like a lie if the other spouse says they don't need it, justifies why they don't need it, or says they give it to them.<P>Same thing about things they don't need.... If one spouse doesn't need something that they are getting (ie - angry outbursts, threats, and violence) then why would the other spouse justify, explain it is called for, or deny they don't do that?<P>Can counselors see through this? Or are they so caught up in facilitating that they don't see that it is important?<P>I have been through several counseling sessions w/H and it was lies. lies lies.<P>

Mrs Mush, our counselor could tell my husband was lying. She knew, but remaining objective she didn't come out and say that. She just kept asking him questions and finally he admitted after awhile. I'm glad she didn't just come out and side with me because then he wouldn't go back again and I need him to keep going if for no other reason so I can get him to talk to me.

I think that was wise on that counselor's part. <P>I'm glad you let her keep asking questions, instead of demanding that you were right.<P>Good for you. Focusing On the goal, on the goal, on the goal.<P>M4B

I'll bet counselors pick up on possible lies, and certainly different translations of a situation, by the quick, stunned looks of the spouses.<P>Pod, sounds like you've found a great counselor. Bright enough to perceive the root of a problem, and politically correct enough to draw it out instead of pointing a finger. <P>I don't know what movies are out either! I hope you have a great time tonight, both of you.

i apologize if my feeble attempt at humor has offended some..i have been accussed of being insensitive to others.<P>Having said that, i think its great that your consouler is empathetic to your concerns.<P>Maybe i'm wrong here, but if you withold your oral to him, he may get the message?

pod, i continue to enjoy your straight forward honesty. i wonder how it could still be satisfing to receive oral sex from your lover when you know they're not doing it because they want to. i don't don't care to receive oral sex so much as i love to give it. i'm a people pleaser. i've been asked if i was doing it, giving oral sex, for me or for her. to be honest, i have to say both. i love to make her happy and to a lesser degree simply enjoy the special closeness that only a mouth to viginal can provide.<BR>i think, you may want to ask yourself, if he doesn't want to do it, do you want him to.<BR>

PodPerson,<P>Yeah, dating is a good way to get to know each other again. However, a movie is not the best way. Why? Because you don't interact with each other which is the basis for any relationship. You can sit with ANYONE in a movie & not grow in the relationship. As long as you do something before and/or after the movie, then it's okay. But Harley says a movie does not count towards the minimum 15 hours a week we should spend with the spouse.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited October 12, 1999).]

I have to say I somewhat agree with Podperson that the counsellor should remain objective at all times, weather or not the lying is there or not! When my husband was lying and I think I knew it but wouldn't face it she made me pull apart my emotions till I faced it myself and then I was in the mood to make him embrace the truth as well. It took ALOT of time (months!) but eventually that was what was necessary! Podperson, I believe the true subject of your subject should be the lies not the lack of oral sex, since this is offensive to some to read (I didn't say me, but I think the truth is that I am slightly embarrassed, that subject is one between my H and myself-not everyone, but then that's my point of view and I am entitled to it, the same as you are to yours!) Either way, I can relate to the lying done during counselling and pray that all goes well with you! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

PodPerson, <P>From what I remember, you just recently told your hubby that you had an affair. I think you should keep in mind that no matter how neglectful or awful he was, hearing your wife say that is devastating. <P>Rekindling a wonderful phycial intimacy is not going to happen over night. Thoughts of you and the OM are going to be in his mind during inappropriate times. He is going to be thinking that you're comparing him to the OM. It's just going to be tough for a while. Don't expect any big breakthroughs in intimacy right away. <P>I think the dating is great. My wife and I go out a lot now. We also try to do coffee or something after the movie to just sit and talk.<P>If you want your H to fall head over heals for you, have him start giving you lots of non-sexual touch (hair, foot, back rubs). In time his fire will burn bright and your desire for him will be ignited as well. <P>Best wishes, <P>SHA