Discovered 3 months ago my wife of 14yrs (& 3 kids) was having an 18month emotional, mostly email/phone affair with a non-physical sexual element (she describes as very inappropriate flirting). I believe this.

She immediately terminated which I have verified certainly (snooping all comms).

Says she is committed to working this out but is having trouble discerning history... seeing what really happened between us and the role her EA played in our current problems.

Her emotional seperation from me during the EA caused me to not meet her EN for some time. We had problems before this but the two are confused in her mind. She only sees retrospectively that I didn't meet her EN and not that a lot of this was caused by her EA related actions toward me.

She is fearful I will never meet her EN... she retrospectively says I never met her EN and why should she think that things will change now.

I tell her that a lot of our problems came from her EA but she doesn't see that or won't believe it.

She says she is trying but physical contact and affection have nearly ground to a halt.

Any thought or encouragement on restarting physical contact or affection and/or helping her see the role her EA played in our problems so she can feel confident our problems won't continue?

Read up on His needs/Her needs & Surviving an Affair. Then call Jennifer C for some phone counseling or get a good MC who is familiar with MB concepts.

L.