I have been married for almost 6 years however we have been together for 11 years. We have 3 children. Prior to marriage he had an online affair. I was very hurt but knew he had sex issues because he is a recovering Addict of 13 years now but has never dealt with his sex addictions. We went to counseling a few times. He felt it did not help and we could do it on our own. Now 7 years later he has done the same thing 6 to 7 times more. I feel I am treated like the woman he meets online and I have lost a big part of myself over it. I stopped looking for a few years because he said it would not happen yet again as he always said. But something bothered me and I looked to see if he was cheating again and YEP my feeling was correct. He lied all the other times until I could show proof of it so I did not expect this time to be any better. He swears he did not do anything wrong this time. But from what I see a computer does not lie. He said they are cookies from other sites he’s been to. However I know my way around a computer and know if you go to a reputable site that you will not get a cookie from a Ford site if you are in a Dodge site.
I do not trust anything he says anymore because he has lies to much and he said he can understand that. I have told him I want him to leave our home and he has asked if we can go to counseling again. He said he only loves and wants me. He said he is happy where our relationship has been going and how could I think he would jeopardize our marriage again. He would not leave because he said he could not let it end like this because he did nothing wrong this time and he could not imagine his life without me. I want to believe him because he is the love of my life and we have wonderful children and wonderful times. But I can not be made a fool of again. I do not know what to do or how to feel. I am hurt and confused and if I was not totally in love with him this would not be so hard. Any advice would be great.

Trust can be restored -
Love can blossom again -

However, when trust has been trashed, and love lost by hurtful actions over time, it takes a lot of work, and some time to fix it. I suspect this will take two or three years.

Do you want to make it work?

SS

Still seeking, Thank you for your thoughts.

Yes I do want to make it work however I do not know how I can trust him again. Every time I have started to trust him again he does it again. He said he thinks he is trying to sabotage our relationship so he can be the victim. Every woman in his life has left him and he always accuses me of cheating on him like they did. I can not have a marriage with him as long as he wants me to be with other men or wants to do off the wall things in the bed room. He thinks if I go online with him it will be better.
I have been through this web site and it has been helpful but I do not know how I can trust him again to really make the changes to make this work.

Thank you again; I can really use the help.

spcw

Trust has to be earned.

Thus, it will take time, and much effort on his part. You have decisions to make. If you want to try, you will have to commit to working on it without feelings of love, and without trust. He will have to prove to you that he can be trusted.

There will be times when it won't work well - he may slip, you will feel like leaving.

I recommend you read the information on the site, and get the books and read them. Then decide what you want, and how long you are willing to work on it. Will it hurt to take a few months to make your decisions?

If he is willing to read the books, and work with you, there may be a chance. If he blows it off, and won't help, then your decision may already be made for you.

You do well at sharing what is happening, but you are close with your own feelings and thoughts. That means (to me) that you have been hurt badly, and are worried that you will be hurt even more.

I am sorry for the pain you have been through. I know it won't go away RIGHT NOW just because we wish it to, but if you can get your self on the right track, it will go in time, and you can heal. I hope you know that.

Do you believe in God, and in prayer?
It has been a big help to me. I recommend it.

SS