My H has been involved in an emotional affair for the past 10 years. I have written about it here before. He claims it is completely platonic.

Recently, when we were having our 1000th argument about this topic, I told him that his relationship with this woman made me want to die. It was as though I was talking to a brick wall.

I'd found her blog earlier in the month. In one entry she was talking about dark secrets, in another about a beast within that she had to control, another about how she was holding back her feelings, another wondering if some mystery person she didn't identify was her refuge. Another entry talked about whether she'd be "divorced and lonely soon," like some woman she met. She indicated that this woman was happy, and seemed to be envious of her. During our 999th arguement about this topic, I had asked him whether her marriage being in trouble would be enough to end their friendship. He said that it was. I finally showed him that I'd found the blog. He'd seen it. He made huge excuses as to why she was talking about divorce, said she was just musing, and loves her husband. Right. I told him that his parents probably wouldn't see it that way if they saw it, and I told them about his relationship with the writer. He said he'd tell them how jealous and insecure I am. I said that if they knew that neither one of them has any other friends, that surely she's talking about him in this blog, and how horrible their whole relationship makes me feel, they'd think their son is crazy. I told him he has no evidence of me being crazy...but I had the blog. She took it down that Monday. It doesn't matter. I saved the HTML files to my hard drive.

Before our 998th argument about this topic, she'd sent him a text message on his cell at 11 pm on a Saturday night. I'd been sitting near his phone and picked it up. She texted that she'd been happy to talk to him that day, had received his "deposit" and would see him Monday. When I confronted him about this, he'd said she was at a conference, and he'd just called her to see how she was. He was concerned that she might be lonely. But he was frustrated at her, he said, for texting him because this was our family time. He said the "deposit" was nothing monetary, but something they have between the two of them: when one person reaches out to the other, they call it a deposit. This made me sick, that they have some kind of love language, masquerading this thing as a friendship.

I recently found an email from her that indicated that they truly think they are having a platonic friendship. She was thanking him for forcing her to be his friend, when it's hard to trust people, and it had taken a long time for her to trust her husband. They lean on each other for emotional support like work spouses. I'd found email another a few years ago where he'd compared their relationship to the movie, Lost in Translation, and told her that no one understands him the way she does. When I confronted him about this, he'd told me that in person he'd told her that of course both God and I understand him more. I don't believe him.

Back to the dying thing...I would NEVER kill myself. I am a Christian. And that would be the worst sin in the world. I love myself. I appreciate the temple God has given me. Neither one of them is worth it. But does the situation, and the fact that he completely does not care about how I feel hurt so much that I wish I did not exist at times? Yes. Yes, it does. I think some of you can relate to that searing hurt.

But this man does NOT care how I feel. Nor, does he care how her H feels. In the midst of the 1,000th argument, I asked him what he'd do if her husband came up to their job and told him to back away from his wife. Gone was all the talk about respecting her marriage. He said he'd get a restraining order--that they can be friends if they want to be.

So, I'm beyond sick of it. Somewhere in the midst of all these arguments, he'd told me she said that if our marriage was suffering due their friendship, the friendship should end. Later, he told me that he'd mentioned to her how upset I have been. I asked how come she hasn't ended the "friendship." He said, "because she knows *I* want it."

So, I came up with an idea. If they are going to keep on being friends regardless of how I feel, why don't she and I get together and talk? He said she was amenable to this, but didn't know what she'd say.

A few days passed, we'd had that 1000th argument and we didn't speak for two days. When we finally spoke, he thought I was leaving him, based on some things I'd said during the argument. I could tell that he was obviously ready to let me go over this "friendship," because he said that if I thought he was cheating on me, that's an irreconcilable difference, and asked me coldly what I was going to do. I threw the ball back in his court, and asked if he was going to retain an attorney. We blathered back and forth for a bit, and then I said we had two options: either we go into counseling (for the third time over this "friendship" but he doesn't listen) or me, him, the OW and the OWH should get together and have a talk. If they're just friends, we should all be on the same page and at peace with it.

This time, his eyes got big and he started blathering on about how I have no business interfering with his work. What goes on there is none of my business. Eventually, we came to an impasse. I was a wimp and gave in to him, and have stopped applying pressure.

But I'm ready to start again. I'm sick of this. Would you pursue this meeting? I mentioned to him previously that perhaps I'd write the OW an email, just to talk about how I was feeling, and he wasn't bothered by this. I am thinking of sending her one and put something in there about a meeting. If I had her H's email, I'd cc him, too. I am planning to tell my husband that I will be sending her an email with this request, so that he won't have the opportunity to balk that I went behind his back.

Really, if they are just friends, such a meeting shouldn't be a problem. What do you think?

Girlfriend, that meeting is the stuff dreams are made of!!!
Oh, how I wish I could have had one. Of course you should pursue it. If you haven't read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley
Glass i recommend it for both of you. Read some more on here and you will see that this is a LTEA. Folks more knowledgable tan me can advise you better, but hang with us.
You've got my heart, done BTDT, got the T-shirt, don't want another one. Best wishes 22Dev

Have you exposed to OW's H?

L.

Have you exposed at work?

Are they using work email for this 'friendship'?

Emailing the OW doens't bother him at all, becuase it is no threat to his affair. BUT... going to visit his "friend" at her house with her husband..IS. He is SCARED TO DEATH you will do this. I would just get in your car and drive on over there to visit. You can ALL be "friends!"

And if he won't go, then you go ALONE and don't tell him in advance.

Be sure and document all your evidence and bring it.

Hey, if it's on the up & up, he won't mind.......daylight scares the boogers away.....good luck

Oh baloney!


Don't buy that one. What goes on at work that interferes with your marriage is very MUCH your business. This is eating you alive and he doesn't care because he is getting an emotional fix. I might ever suspect a physical relationship. One or the other (or both) has reason to not seek a divorce for whatever reason, so they play a game.

I feel for you.

You are in limbo. Limbo is NOT a natural state. Something has to give one way or the other. Either you accept his work harem or you do something about it. Look for his vulnerabilities and go for the throat if you want to do something about it.

Beware that this can have repercussions. On the other hand, staying where you are at emotionally also has repercussions. So what do you have to lose? In a sense, you have already lost, so why not go get it back? So far, he has won every argument. You wimp out. But it festers and I fear for your mental and physical health. At some point in time, enough is enough and you won't wimp out. So plan what you are going to do so you do not do something by impulse that would come across as stupid or too emotional.

Gather together all the evidence. Explain yourself in a factual letter that does not have a lot of emotion. Post it here to get input if you want. I would deliver it in person. I would not give notice. That would just lead to some sort of advance story about this crazy wife, you.

But hey, that's just me. I am kinda direct. You are you and perhaps you march to a different drummer. For sure, he is in an EA affair. He is working on his relationship with the OP instead of with you. He is more interested in protecting her than you. Not good, not good at all.

Larry

Thanks for all the advice, and the support is greatly appreciated. I'll try to answer your questions.

I started reading Not Just Friends, but it upset my husband so much, I only read it now in fits and spurts, when he's not around. He can't believe I brought that "garbage" into our house, he says.

I haven't exposes to OWH. I thought this meeting would be the way to do it with the least amount of blaming and anger from my husband. I thought that if I can pull this off, if the husband has been told that I'm perfectly fine with their friendship, he'll realize that's not true. If he's not happy with it, and my husband has been lying to me, I'll find out. But if he has been fine, perhaps hearing my perspective will open his eyes. I don't plan to be confrontative, but to just calmly put the friendship out there for discussion, share my feelings, and see what these people do with it.

My thought is that she's already gone and told her husband not to listen to me if I contact him, and that she's told him that I'm crazy. I've unintentionally forewarned her via my husband. Along with saying I wonder what his parents would think if they saw that blog, I said I wondered what her husband would think. For all I know, she showed it to her husband herself, and made up all these lies to explain her words, while somehow vilifying me for reading it.

This is why I'd like this meeting. I value the opportunity to see them all face-to-face, to articulate my feelings calmly, and put them in the position of having to respond to their spouses. I want to dispell any notions of craziness that my husband uses to convince her it's OK to do this to me, or make into a lie anything she's said about me to her husband about me being crazy. I have been into individual therapy over this, and I have been assured that I am indeed not in the least bit crazy. The problem is my husband, who has put me in this position not just with this woman, but with others.

I think my husband will come up with the biggest whopper in the world to avoid this meeting. But I'm going to keep trying.

I haven't exposed at work. They both have the same boss, and my husband used to complain about this man because he spent too much time with a female co-worker. This was before my husband hooked up with his own EA partner. His boss actually seems to support their relationship, and has created opportunities for them to work more closely together. At one point, she was about to leave. In order to get her to stay, he came up with a new job for her that would require her to work side-by-side with my husband. Her degree is in a different area, and she was going to leave to pursue a job opportunity in accordance with it, but stayed when their boss presented this plan.

I don't think he does this to promote an EA, but because he thinks they work well together. I did some googling of the term "work spouses," and how it improves a person's morale to have someone like that in the workplace--and I wouldn't be surprised if their boss knows this. I found an old email where she was at home on maternity leave and miserable, and she sent an email to him and my husband, off-loading all these emotions she was feeling. I have no idea what that was all about, but it shows that the boss knows they are more than just work colleagues and doesn't seem to bat an eye. This boss is very kind to me and our daughter...but I just don't think he'd be on my side or take it seriously if I told him my concerns. I'm almost positive that she will tell their work colleagues how my husband's crazy, jealous wife is spreading rumors if I ever said anything. I highly suspect that no one will "get" the concept of emotional affairs.

They used to use work email for this relationship, but I suspect he has a private email that they use, now that he knows I can access his work account. I don't have the work emails from years ago when he was giving her all this emotional support but I'm sure I can dig and find the ones where she was complaining about her husband. I also have the blog, as I mentioned. I have never found one where my husband was complaining about me. But in the heat of argument, he has verbally admitted to saying negative things about me to her--including telling her that I "overreact" to their friendship.

I don't think either one of them wants to leave their families, but I suspect that this causes more turmoil for her than him. At least according to the veiled poetry in her blog. They both have blogged about freedom, and that it's probably not worth the cost.

Let me tell the whole story about the blog, because I didn't add it to the last post in the interest of brevity. Here's what happened:

My husband posted something about freedom in his blog, related to some seemingly inocuous statements about people one might consider downtrodden, like the homeless, who are thinks might actually be free and happy. I posted something nonconfrontational and kind about security and peace. It was my first post on his blog. The OW posted a poem, that had nothing to do with his blog entry, about getting high off having low self esteem and about not having a mother to comfort her. She has a close relationship with her mother, who is most definitely alive. Mine is dead, and my husband attributes this loss to my suspicions of his "friendship." I struggle with low self-esteem, and I know he's discussed this with the OW. Thus, this felt like an attacking, cruel comment in response to me daring to interrupt their fantasies about freedom. My husband claimed she had no idea why she posted the poem, that they were just words that came to mind.

Right.

I clicked on her profile name and it lead to her blog. She wasn't savvy enough to block it. In her cruelty, she exposed herself.

I kept that info to myself, just waiting for her to tighten the noose around her neck. Finally, she wrote that blog re: divorce. I confronted my H, stupidly thinking that he had told me the truth about ending their friendship if it impacted their marriage. He lied to cover for her words, and then told her I'd read her blog. She set her profile on private, thus I could not get to it through his blog anymore. But I'd already downloaded the HTML file. I told him that I noticed this and wanted to know why she was trying to hide it if it was nothing. He said she hadn't tried to block it, that it had been an accident. I entered her blog through the URL. She had begun posting (desperate) compliments about her husband and about how they are "meant to be." But she STILL found a way to backhandedly complain about him. One day, to test my husband, I started writing her a complimentary post regarding one of her entries, and left the page open on my laptop. Before the weekend was up, she'd taken down the whole blog. So, he'd snooped on my computer, then snuck off and contacted her over the weekend. I didn't bother to mention that I knew this had to have occurred. Why bother listening to more lies?

Thanks for the concerns about me being limbo and about all the pain this has caused. I hate being in this position--loving my husband and being committed to him, while behind my back he is carrying on emotionally (at least) with another woman. He told me yesterday, when I asked why he loved me, that we are "meant to be." Those are the exact same words she used to describe her relationship with her husband in her blog. I think they justify their relationship by saying that they'd never leave their spouses for it, that they need each other to get needs met their spouses are not fulfilling, but that's all it is. He's told me before that their friendship is safe, and it's because she knows he loves me and she loves her husband and that they both have happy marriages. (Right. That's why she was talking about divorce.) She knows she doesn't have to worry about him hitting on her, he says, because he is a Christian.

Instead, they can keep on being emotionally entwined, which is equally painful. One time, I found an upsetting email where she'd told him she was sad that she wouldn't be able to email him during our anniversary vacation. My husband had then insisted that we go somewhere with Internet access because, unbeknowngst to me, he wanted to be able to stay in contact with her. Anyways, I confronted him, we had a huge fight and that effectively ended our anniversary celebration. When we got back from this miserable vacation, after 10 hours on the road, he insisted that we attend a work picnic. It wasn't one of those where your boss needs to see you there, just some casual thing. He dragged me there an hour after arriving home, as exhausted as we both were. I walked up and saw her from afar and said, "Oh, so that's why we had to come." He grabbed my arm, jerked me toward him, and said threateningly that I'd better not say anything to her.

So, the fact that he's "allowing" me to email her now gave me a little hope. But from what I've read, it is probably just because they are so entrenched, it doesn't matter. They'll just laugh it off and carry on. I don't think there'll be any giggling if everything is exposed to her husband, if he sees me face to face, and watches their faces as I talk.

And finally, yes...it is highly and incredibly painful that he protects her over me. The only crack I saw in that armor was when I intercepted that text message, when she was interferring with his home life. He has never apologized to me so profusely in his life. And in the end, he made an excuse for her: she'd claimed, he said, that she'd sent it earlier in the day and it'd just then arrived on his phone.

I forgot to mention that I sent one back to her. I said, "Why are you texting my husband in the middle of the night? It's inappropriate." I have never said anything to her, all these years, regarding their friendship.

Shortly thereafter, my husband said he told her not to text him at home. She allegedly said their friendship should end if it impacted our marriage. We all know they carry on anyways. And she's never attempted to explain herself to me. Which is the FIRST thing I would do if I was innocent, and someone's wife thought I was after her husband. For my own integrity, I'd try to clarify. She doesn't. I can only guess that this is because she doesn't have integrity. I wouldn't know--she never takes the time to get to know me, which is the second thing I'd do if I was "friends" with someone's husband.

I can't write anymore right now, because it's making me upset, and I'd rather think about something positive.

Again, thank you so much for your replies.... I'm trying to do something, hoping this meeting is the thing, because enough is enough is almost here....

good grief, I went through very much the same thing. 10 years. Platonic friendship, OWH supportive of the friendship, on and on. Ask me for details if interested.

For now, ADVICE: Set up the meeting with the OWH before warning your WH and the OW. Then invite them. Do not forewarn them.

Oh, and get set for a roller coaster ride, for your WH to tell the OWH and the OW that you are mentally unbalanced and paranoid or any number of things.

Also, get your financial ducks in a row. Be prepared with a war chest. Because if by any chance hubby decides to move out of the house, you want plenty of money to pay the bills until he comes to his senses.

Be very calm. Talk little.

Just know what you want, and insist on it, which is no contact under any excuse no matter what. Complete transparency, all passwords to email and phone and computer and everything.

And don't compromise. And don't be bullied into compromising by WH telling you that you are "selfish" and "cold" and any other insulting word. There should be no bargaining.

Good luck on getting the OWH to meet you.

Lastly, do not threaten to expose at work. Just DO IT. No threats, just actions. Don't telegraph your punches.

Your marriage can survive the loss of a job if that's what it comes down to. Your marriage cannot survive the affair.

From one who is nearly divorced after living what you have lived. Just waiting for the negotiations to get hammered out.

You are thinking way too much. Your WW and this OW are in an AFFAIR (at least an EA and I would not be surprised if they haven't already had sex or at least inappropriate touching, kissing, etc.).

Expose them especially to her husband. Don't threaten or telegraph your plans just do it, imo. They are and will forever be liars while in an affair.

I got to speak to XOW, got no relief.

Her: We're just friends
Me Friends don't sneak around and hide it from their spouses.
Her I didn't mean to cause any trouble
Me You did
Her We didn't do anything wrong.
Me NEVER refer to yourself and my H as WE, you never have been nor ever will be a "WE"

Totally unproductive, she did freak out when I asked to speak to HER H. She said I wasn't ALLOWED to speak to her H
I told her she never had my permission to speak to mine, but it didn't stop her.She begged that I not call her H.
I told her I'd think about it,but she should guard her phone on Sundays, for the next few years, that I would evtually call.

So I'm sure her H has no ideas of the relationship she's
having with your wayward. Someone here says it all the time WS's Lie...Fact

How typical of an OP to decree a double standard vis a vis the betrayed spouse talking to THEIR spouse.
You telegraphed your punch, pay attention to our advice. She will now try to put a "there's a crazy woman" spin on your exposure if/when you do reach him.
You are not bound by her rules.
Other than that, I think you handled yourself really well.
Any way you can reach the husband without the witch running interference on you?

I've been thinking of sending the following message to the OW. If everything is on the up and up between them, she shouldn't have a problem with this meeting. If she truly cares about my feelings, as my husband claims, there should be no issues.

The only thing I can imagine is if she tells her husband I am crazy, and then tell me that he refuses to meet. At that point, then I could send him this letter, which he can clearly see is not written by some crazy person who is out to attack his wife. At that point, if she hasn't told him about my request for a meeting, he will then know about the attempt--and wonder why she has kept that information from him.

I think some of her issues have to do with needing to feel in control of my husband. I think she loves that he chooses her despite my feelings. When she reads this, I hope that she feels that she has the power in this situation and feels confident about having a meeting, thinking that she will blow me off in my face, with my husband's duplicitious compliance. My goal is to get her husband there and show him what is going on.

I think both she and my husband need serious help. I don't hate her or him. They are entwined in something that will eventually ruin their lives. I think it's up to me and her husband to help them. If we can.

Here is the letter:
____________________________________________________________________________
Dear ...

My husband has told me that you've said to him that if your friendship interferes with our marriage, it should end. Afterwards, he mentioned that he's told you that your friendship does indeed impact our marriage negatively. It seems that both of you are determined to continue on in it anyways. This is something that I do not understand.

You don't know me, but I am not a green-eyed monster. When you and my husband first became friends, I didn't mind. I even remember calling you his work wife both to him and to you. There are other women in our neighborhood and at work with whom he has become "friends." I don't mind--until I find out that, once again, another woman is relying on him for emotional support and/or talking about her marriage with him. When I saw that happening with you, and that it was compounded by him sharing details about our marriage that are confidential, I became bothered.

I have male co-workers who have become friends--one who is still my friend even though we don't work together anymore. I think men and women can be friends. But there are common-sense boundaries which I maintain in my same sex friendships, out of respect for my husband and for my own personal integrity. I am sincerely confused about yours and my husband's boundaries, and I would like to understand.

After 10 years, I think it is about time that you, me, my husband and your husband get together and get everything out in the open. My husband says you are just friends, and I cannot imagine why this would be a problem. I'm not looking to argue with you, put you down or humiliate anyone. I just think it's important that everyone who is impacted by your friendship be given the respect of being able to listen, dialogue and come to peace with it. I am sure either you or my husband would suggest such a meeting when colleagues or clients have unresolved issues.

If there are things that you or my husband would like to clarify or get out in the open, this meeting would be a good time as well. I'm looking for peace, not disharmony. I want all of our marriages to be sustained, and for everyone to feel heard and respected.

My husband has said that your husband has no problem with your friendship. I would look forward to hearing the reasons why he feels this way. Perhaps there is something I could learn from him. Again, my goal is not to create additional issues, but to resolve them.

Please let me know whether you'd be amenable to such a meeting, and if so, what days/times are most convenient for you and your husband.
____________________________________________________________

So, how does that sound?

I would contact her husband. Be sure to let him know that she complains about him to your husband.

Any normal healthy woman would immediately cease contact with a married man when it bothers his wife. This is a sick situation and the inmates are running the asylum.

What an eloquent letter! You are without a doubt a very educated, patient, Christian minded woman. And you are giving the benefit of the doubt, but with such a stong presence you are laying it all out to her, so that you won"t be mocked! I am on awe of you, very seriously. She would either be a fool not to take you up on the offer, or is so involved with your H she is about to crap bricks, with the revelation to her H. I'm voting for #2 cause she is in fact an educated sleaze. I had the opportunity to speak to my H's XOW and on the second occasion i degraded myself to her level by using every adjective a sailor might know to describe her to her..Now, I am very apologetic that I stooped to those levels....Gal, you have CLASS. Use it to your advantage, because she lacks any at all. Bravo, Bravo

Ditto what believer said. Forget letters to the OW. If she had any honor or integrity, she wouldn't be involved with a married man.

Lady, with respect, just get off the couch, make copies of the evidence you have and take a few especially good ones to OWH's home and knock on the door. (Secure the originals of your proof somewhere your WH can’t possibly get to them.) When OWH answers your door knock, take a deep breath and launch into the story of what you've found out.

Quit worrying about what your husband is going to do. I can tell you right now he's going to be furious. He may call you every name in the book and make up some on the spot. He will tell you before you did this, he was going to work on the marriage but now he only wants to leave. He will rant and rave for a week or more. Big deal. It's all bombast and smoke. Very few WS’s leave under such circumstances and even fewer are gone very long. You see, they know they’ve been busted doing something they shouldn’t be doing. They know they’re guilty.

Expose at work too. Their boss might not be inclined to intervene, but their boss’s boss might very well. Get to the Human Resources Director there and start the ball rolling.

Lady, you’ve put up with an obscenity for 10 years. I cannot conceive of anything worse than letting it continue. What can be worse than the he11 you’re living now?

And if you can't appeal to her intelluctual side, IE they have a luuuuv forged by the stars, lose your lady like side and become the 22Dev Southern Belle...4-wheelin, shotgun shootin" wearing a pink camo T-shirt and put her in her place via "My South is Gonna Rise Agin" and it ain't gonna be on YOUR turf. If you have to, be sweet and nice when she answers your e-mail and go into Covert Southern Belle tactics and hook up with her H. Blow her outa the water like BC does the alligators. I wouldn/t however suggest that your fry her "tail" for supper....way too gross. Be nice, but know when to play hardball....your marriage is at stake.

My husband told me today, as we were driving along, that he went out to breakfast with the OW. "Just the two of you," I asked. He said it was, almost proudly. I said, "You know I don't like that," and he just rolled his eyes and told me not to start an argument, this is why he doesn't tell me things, etc., etc.

He didn't want me to be upset? I decided to make light of his whole affair. I told him that he has a work wife, and the reason why he won't "break up with her" is because it would be like us having a divorce, but living in the same house. He shook his head, as if to say that was nonsense. I told him that the term work wife is commonplace now, but usually, the work wife will care enough about the real wife to reach out to her in friendship. And where these relationships get into trouble is when people start talking about each other's marriages. He actually said, as though I don't have emails to the contrary and he knows it, "Well, I can see why that would be a problem."

He really thinks he's innocent. He really is the crazy one.

We arrived at our restaurant. As we were waiting for our order I said, "Well, if she's going to be a part of our family, why not spend more time together." I suggested that she and her husband come over, and he said, "Oh, and the kids can run around in the backyard." I said, "Yep. And we can talk and hang out." He kept saying over and over, "I have no problem with that," as though I'm foolish enough to think he doesn't.

Many years ago, he told me that they both used to talk how they'd love to spend time together over the weekend, like "normal" friends. But, they wondered, while they were hanging out, what would her husband and I do? But then, as it became clear that I was on to them, I stopped hearing about this desire to socialize. Well, I say, let's see what her husband and I do. And let's see how comfortable your relationship is when I expose to your husband right in front of you.

I decided to throw in something blatantly silly, because the whole relationship is just ridiculous. I said, "Since she's your work wife, why don't we go ahead and have a ceremony in our backyard? Her husband can be her best man, and I can be your maid of honor." Nervous laughter. They wear the same uniform at work, "Hey, you could wear your matching shirts," I said. Then he started shifting around in his seat.

He actually said..."Well, it's funny that you're talking about ceremonies. She said that she wishes we could be her child's godparents." "Well, why does she only wish we could be?" I asked, after I finished laughing out loud. He had to laugh, too. "What's the problem? Oh...I get it. If it weren't for your jealous, evil wife, you could be much closer. I get it."

At this point, my daughter announced her need to go potty. I went laughing down the hall.

Oh boy am I ever going to follow up on that one. I'm going to tell him that I'd love to be her child's godparent--a child neither one of us have ever even met. He said he'd pointed out this fact to her, but she'd said that they never see her other kids' godparents.

So, this makes us the perfect choice why?

I will tell you why. It was just a convenient, sick excuse to talk about me behind my back and put me down for my "unwarranted" insecurity. She is loving every minute of my husband choosing to be her friend despite my feelings, and even playing it up by pretending that it has a negative impact on her life somehow. And, did this man actually expect me to feel bad that this woman cannot select us to be her child's godparents? Am I supposed to believe that she wants me to be an influence in her child's life? A woman she is painting as crazy?

Oh please. It is so insane, my stomach hurts from bowling over laughing.

This is what happens after 10 years.

At one point during our dinner, he went to the bathroom just to wash his hands, but was gone for quite a while. Before he left, he was nervous, but returned calm. If I had to guess, he went in there and called her, and she talked him down. I don't know this...it just would make sense.

Tomorrow, we will be spending time with his parents. If I am in the same mood I am in then that I am now, I am quite tempted to bring up my husband's "best friend" nonchalantly right in front of him. He will crap his pants. His parents are ones who literally, jealously guard their marriage from people of the opposite sex. I don't think they'll understand his friendship one bit--particularly since it will be the very first time, after 10 years, they have heard of this woman. Perhaps they will wonder why their son has kept her a secret all this time.

The Monday after next is her birthday, my husband said. She will be off work. I said, "Will you be calling her?" He said, "I think that would be nice." He said it, almost snarling, as if he was doing something beyond my control and rubbing it in my face.

Yep. It's really time for him to start feeling the heat. His personal integrity and reputation mean a great deal to him, and he's going to lose them when I start gabbing--and at this point, I really don't care if that happens. I don't want to revenge, I just want my husband back, and whatever has to go, has to go.

He told me that next week the OW is going on a trip with their boss for five days. I teased him and said I was sorry that he was going to be missing his wife all that time.

But of course he won't. They'll be in contact every day. Might be a good time for me to expose to her husband, rather than waiting for a get-together that just might not ever happen.