[color:"red"] NOTE: Link in sig line to all 7 Chapters of MR. ROMANCE Saga on one thread [/color]

CHAPTER #7: **** DEAR OW, I pretended I WAS YOU to test my WH via VOICE mail, E mail and SNAIL mail AND GUESS WHAT???????

He PASSED 3 out of 4 TESTS. (And the one he ‘failed’ was only because I didn’t set it up right.)

EDITED TO ADD: After D-Day #3, my H agreed to tell me when/if he ever received any contact from that OW via snailmail, email or voicemail. Then he said he would let me delete or erase it or burn it. After his third strike, I wanted to give him ways to prove he was trustworthy and I ignorantly thought that his passing these tests would help me build my trust in him.

TEST #1: At first I freaked when I got a call at work from a number I did not know with your area code from across the country. It was from a fledgling actor who, after discussing the business at hand, agreed ‘to play a practical joke’ by calling my WH to leave a “just saying ‘Hi’ from a friend” voice mail. I wanted to see if he would tell me about it before erasing it.

TEST #2: I set up a fake email account similar to yours and sent him a “Please pray for me” message to see if he would tell me about it before deleting it.

TEST #3: I put a 2007 pocket calendar in one of your envelopes (w/obscured postmark) from a love letter you sent him (yeah, he gave them all to me). I also included a stamped envelope addressed to my office in case he refused it and tried to return it to you after I dropped it off at his part-time job.

TEST #4: Actually, a family member set up this test inadvertently over a year ago…… before you decided to respond to his “let’s be friends since we can talk so easily we must be soul mates” messages and ended up having multiple phone fornication (and email sex) sessions, and pledging your lives to each other as soon as he left me and you could get rid of your husband who you claim is morbidly obese, has health issues and does not meet your sexual needs.

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS we never realized we had until the week before Test #4

My husband and I are now learning from our new/old MC that our passive/aggressive behaviors played a huge part in the detachment of our 32 year marriage that contributed to his affair with you. And, just like a glutton about to binge one last time before having gastric surgery, I will not hold back if my passive/aggressive voice tells you about the 4th test.

Over a year ago, I agreed to help a family member after surgery 400 miles away. I had no idea it would be scheduled 4 months after the 4th Devastation Day of my husband’s affair with you. You may dispute that date (just like you dispute that it was an “affair” because you did not physically fornicate), but D-Day #3 occurred when you were on vacation 6 months ago today, May 10, 2007.

During the following weeks, I tried to be your friend, just like I did after D-Day #1 when you wanted to apologize to me personally after my husband called to tell you he’d been caught. The day after D-Day #1, you promised to do anything to help us recover our marriage, BUT you willingly answered his secret new email account, betraying me within 24 hours of that pledge. I should have known then what liars you both were, but I tried to exercise good Christian forgiveness and you both rewarded me with 6 more weeks of secret exchanges. (The MC we saw at that time said we should just ‘trust God’ that you would confess to your husband or that he would confront you, and that neither of us should contact you for any reason. That MC knew nothing about withdrawal or WW fog.)

I EVEN TESTED YOU TO TRY TO REBUILD MY TRUST IN MY WH

During late August after D-Day #3, when I was still trying to get you to say you would #1) refuse to reconnect with my H and #2) tell me about it if he tried again, I pretended to be my husband and used one of the secret accounts he set up ----yeah, he gave me all the passwords----to send you a fake email. While I was glad you said “No, do you know how much this would hurt Ace?” you only passed the first part of the test. I waited 3 hours and you never did inform me of that fake message like I had begged you to do after D-Day #1 but I let it go.

I believe I know why you would not promise to tell me if/when my husband tried to reconnect with you. You were probably still holding out hope that he would still follow through with your mutual pledges to look each other up when your husband and I were out of the picture. You thought I was trying to be his mother by spying on his every move and trying to hold him accountable. And before Test #4 as well as today, you still may be secretly hoping I fail.

I GAVE UP FAKE TESTS, REALIZING HOW COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE THEY WERE BY FOCUSING ON YOU, NOT MY HUSBAND

Actually, I "failed" and let go on Nov. 10, D-Day #4, when my husband lied about playing those same online games, trying to see if he could resist you if you were online, too. It was the night before our vacation. I agreed that he should go, but when he turned at the door and begged for another chance, I gave in, using the next 10 days together 24/7 as a one-last-chance to prove he wanted to change. We actually had the best time in our marriage up to that point and it’s only gotten better since then.

But as we’ve learned from the MB program, (which I told you about when I enclosed a copy of His Needs, Her Needs with my husband’s handwritten NC letter Dec. 10), the fear returns in the form of triggers, painful reminders of your illicit exchanges ‘triggered’ by some associated item or memory.

A 4 WEEK TEST OF A 400 MILE SEPARATION 4 MONTHS AFTER D-DAY #4

I followed through with my pledge to be gone 4 weeks (which ended up being 5 weeks away from my job), trusting that faith in God for our marriage was real or it wasn’t.

Was it difficult? Hardest thing I’ve ever done. The area was so remote that I had no cell phone, no voice mail, one channel TV and very limited on-line access (dial-up when it worked). One of my biggest fears was that if I could not get online, and if you were lurking and noticed that I disappeared from this forum, it might possibly signal that I was gone so that you might try to reconnect with my husband or respond if he secretly tried to contact you.

Was I paranoid? Yup! Did I trigger often? Every time I went into his voice mail, just like he allowed my calls to do when he was on the phone with you and many other times.

Was it worth it? Yes, for the family member and for the growth of my relationship with my husband who drove the 800 miles to visit me every weekend. He also began telling me in advance (on the land line with no voice mail) why/when he would not be available on his cell phone. We continued our nightly reading HNHN, Bible study and prayer times the entire 4 weeks via land line. And we even conducted our weekly marriage counseling sessions via speaker phone.

WE BOTH ARE NOW PASSING OUR TEST OF RECOVERING OUR MARRIAGE

My husband has apparently become indifferent towards you and I am approaching that same status. In fact, he expected me to trigger yesterday (a year after you reconnected after he first tried to break off your affair after 3 weeks according to your emails) but I didn’t remember an unrelated incident until he showed concern.

And he has become my MR. ROMANCE, buying me flowers, setting up dates and spending ALL of his leisure time with me, telling me he’ll do anything to help me heal and following through for the past 6 months.

In closing, there’s a thread on these forums about bashing the OP (other person). My H wanted to bash you when I tried to be your friend calling you a worse liar than him because you were/are still in denial and were probably already cheating with another guy.

I've learned from these boards that the best way to bash you might be to focus all energies on our relationship, not you or the triggers you represent. If our marriage recovery (and apparent discovery of an even better relationship) constitutes ‘bashing the OP’, then I am guilty, too. But I’m also thankful that you are now becoming a ‘nothing’ in our lives.

Ace

Ace,

I'll bet you watch "Numb3rs" on Friday night....

I won't give you my thoughts on "numerology" right now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Nothing better than giving (and getting) 100% to make a nothing into a zero... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Isn't this better than 50/50? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Mark,

It is somewhat symbolic that this #7 chapter is a perfect number. What a milestone to feel the triggers loosening their hold on me/us.....the numbers of them are dwindling quickly.....YEA!

I'm sure you'll work numerology into the Fishing thread about marriage, too. Which reminds me, that thread and posts from you and FH and emails from LA and IS and Marie and MAZ and LIC and Mates and LilMom and HHW and Mish and others helped me endure those 4 weeks of continuous fear and triggers. I can't thank you all enough. And I thank God for being faithful to His promises and helping build my faith.

Towards the end of my 5 weeks away, I dialed-up online and stayed on day and night (and I was supposed to keep occupied as part of the rehab therapy). So I posted day and night.....you even commented about it asking if I ever slept. That made me laugh out loud, but it helped me kick my addiction to posting and I've cut way back.

Now I get to produce my parent's life story on movie maker and I thought I'd be off MB due to the time it takes.....but now there's a thread on movie making....thanks 22 Dev and Eph for offering to help me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have to go to work now so I can't post for awhile but I'm glad I finished both chapters 6 and 7 as well as the synopsis of chapters 1-5 that Saturn inspired me to do.

If they help one person, the time was worth it. I may never know just like you may never know how many are helped by the Fishing/Marriage thread. But God knows and that's what's important. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Again, thanks!

Ace

P.S. Hey Inner Strength.....are you lurking? How goes it? Broken in Cali, gsh and onethousandwords, how are you doing? You don't even know how much your threads/questions helped me but these thanks go to you, too.

{ACE}
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!

You for sure are one of Gods Beautiful creations!!!!

LIC

Hi LIC,

Thanks for the hug and kind words. I'm hoping to inspire folks who seem hopeless.

Our new/old MC seems to think we are ready to 'graduate' to decreasing sessions with him as we've finally discovered how to follow the scripture "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath." I always thought that it meant that you stay up arguing until the issues were resolved. So I just figured that there must be some mystery to that scripture that we would/could never embrace. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

"God's Beautiful creation" is a lofty goal and I'm humbled by your label. You certainly would not have said that had you seen me the week before I left and the first couple weeks I was gone.

I could not focus at work, could not pack (or clean), cried all the time, was frantic about finding a way to get my new laptop online with so many unknowns, worried that H and OW would try to reconnect while I was gone and hoped every call was word that the surgery was cancelled.

No one (except DD & DS and MC) knows about the A so I could not even explain my apparent meltdown to anyone.

Our refrigerator died literally the day before I left and my sweet H bought a new one that could not be delivered for 4 days. So I was filling coolers with ice on our deck and garage, trying to preserve stuff. And a threatening snow storm (which materialized as forecasted) made me choose to pack and leave a day early, so I forgot a truck load of stuff.

God's Beautiful creation?????? NOT!

But HE was so faithful when it appeared I was failing. And the separation actually made our recovery much stronger.

In conclusion, these 7 chapters have been therapeutic for me to write but I'm curious if they've helped or inspired anyone who has not commented so far. Or are apparent successes painful and possibly grating on some who are struggling?

If nothing else, it would help me if someone pointed out any statements reflecting my passive/aggressive attitudes (which my H and I are working hard to recognize but I threw caution to the wind in this chapter just to get it done). Our 50+ year PA habits will take time to deal with but I'm open to whatever anyone can share to help us.

LA, I truly appreciate your helping me own my stuff , especially my commitment to follow through (surgery separation) in spite of the change in factors I could not even discuss with family. Could you please link the specific PA thread you mentioned? I think I'm ready.

Thanks,
Ace

Bump for MAZ or anyone else...... sorry you couldn't find it.

Acey,

You know what I see in your series? I see purging, owning and fighting your way out of a 32-year mindset. I see a woman transformed by her own hands...who wrote out what was in her mind until she got to her own mind.

And I learned that the rule to not educate a WS stands for also, not educating an OP. I don't think you were really doing that here...I meant when you were IRL with OW.

When you said, no one knows about the A except DS, DD and MC...there was one other. OWH. That's who you shared with educated, correct?

Here's the link to the thread here on MB about passive-aggressive behaviors... Passive-Aggressive Thread

One last suggestion...when someone shares their opinion with you...like LIC...that she can see you are for sure one of God's beautiful creations...do not refute. Accept. You are. You were. And you always will be.

The way you choose to view yourself is the way you will view others...go for acceptance, understanding and hear The Truth...because that is what I believe you've been doing here on MB and are thriving for it.

(((Acey)))

LA

Ace, I'm unclear at to which one you he "failed?"

Did he? I'm not sure I get what the purpose of this was, to see if your husband answered?

I'm confused on this one too. If he opened it, he would see your envelope and know it was a test...if he refused it, wouldn't it go back to the post office unopened?


Do you have some examples of how P/A behaviors? I think it will help me (and maybe others) identify these in our own M.


LOL! Don't blame you one bit!


To be honest, I'm surprised she even did that...she was in her fog too.


No doubt she did think that and maybe still does. But time will eventually squash that fantasy, Ace!

Good for you, you stopped giving your power to her!


You agreed he should go, as in leave permanently, or go, as in on the vacation...did you two go on the vacation?


I'm so sorry for those darn triggers...I know my DH has those too, I wish I could take them away.

It doesn't get better than that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Nothing is a good something!

Well Ace, is the saga over....? Is this the end of the Romance Chronicles?

Or maybe just the beginning?

Hi LA, (Mazzy....yours is below)

Thank you so much for your affirmation of God working in me to help me see my stuff so I can own it and make the choices that build a strong foundation for my life and our marriage.

The 32 year mindset is more like 52 years......I discovered how a big part of it was formed during the recent 5 weeks I spent in my childhood home. The mindset probably began when I was one or two.


Not sure, but guessing IRL means "inter-relating" with OW.

My ignorant strategy was to try to establish loyalty with her so she would not want to betray me. That's what I now call 'BS fog to the MAX'.

After D-Day #4, I changed my strategy after reading SAA and HNHN (neither of which mention exposure to OPS btw) and I tried to help her fix her own M after she apologized over and over to me.....but refused to pledge to tell me if/when my WH tried to reconnect until she received his handwritten NC letter.

In early Feb., I called her H at work and told him that his W had been having an A with my H and he said "oh." (I think he was in a cubicle with other ears listening.) Then I asked if I sent a packet, would it not be opened by a secretary if I marked it "personal" and he said "I would appreciate that." (Obviously, OW had not told him like she said she had.) Then I left my phone number and mailed copies of her handwritten love notes and cards, envelopes with postmarks and the log from my H's inbox file as well as a cover letter with what I had proof of and all the little unopened token gifts OW had sent my H. (He said later he thought they were stupid, but he did keep them and gave them to me.)

OW emailed to thank me for waiting to expose and said her H brought the packet home but it was now in the trash where it belonged. She lies, so who knows if he got it or not...or if he even cares. He never called or asked for more info but it does not matter now. I only wish I had told him about their phone sex, but since I had no proof, I didn't mention it.

Thanks for the link to the PA thread and you're right about my needing to view myself as God's Beautiful Creation because I am and so is my H.

LA, you are God's Beautiful Creation multiplied by your investments of time, typing and thoughts via posts and email. I will show my gratitude by paying it forward as you have done for us and many others.

Love,
Acey

HI MAZ, (I'm going to answer in parts....K?)

I edited the first post to clarify that H and I had agreed after D-Day #3 that he would tell or show me any attempted contact from OW before he deleted or erased or burned the evidence.

[/quote] Ace, I'm unclear at to which one you he "failed?"


TEST #1: At first I freaked when I got a call at work from a number I did not know with your area code from across the country. It was from a fledgling actor who, after discussing the business at hand, agreed ‘to play a practical joke’ by calling my WH to leave a “just saying ‘Hi’ from a friend” voice mail. I wanted to see if he would tell me about it before erasing it.

[quote]

Did he? I'm not sure I get what the purpose of this was, to see if your husband answered?

[color:"blue"] MAZ: He failed the first test because I had the guy call when I knew H was too busy to answer. But I waited too long and too many other messages sandwiched the fake call (from OW's area code) for me to really know if he did not tell me because he forgot or if he wanted to hide it.

He claimed at the time that if he wanted to hide it, he would have erased it immediately. But his reaction was a bit suspicious because, as I discovered later, he was still involved with trying to see if he could resist her if she was online in their game room......and he lied about it on D-Day #4 a couple weeks later.[/color]

Acey,

IRL - In Real Life.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And I knew you'd exposed...wanted to keep OWH on the list, 'k? And you respected him to do his own work...didn't have to guide him through it all...remember that, 'k?

I believe that was the time you really began breaking your BS fog and living from truth. Your bravery and commitment to truth did that. What you're experiencing now is a direct result.

One question...OW can't call you anymore...and you lost her number, right? No contact goes for all of it...'k?

My pleasure and honor to know you, Acey. I know you carry it forward, onward, and continue the ripple. Not why I do it...why I LOVE doing this.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

MAZ: Here's the second part:

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TEST #3: I put a 2007 pocket calendar in one of your envelopes (w/obscured postmark) from a love letter you sent him (yeah, he gave them all to me). I also included a stamped envelope addressed to my office in case he refused it and tried to return it to you after I dropped it off at his part-time job.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ace, I'm confused on this one too. If he opened it, he would see your envelope and know it was a test...if he refused it, wouldn't it go back to the post office unopened?

[color:"green"] MAZ, The test was to see if he would tell me about receiving the letter in OW's handwritten envelope. If he opened it, he would have seen it was from me and realize that he did not tell me about it as he had promised. Who knows, this might have been his 5th strike...it was after D-Day #4, Jan 30, the night before I was to call the MB radio show.

I had photocopied everything before putting it in his work mailbox. If he had returned it to her and tried not to tell me about it, I would have shown him my proof and that might have been strike 5.

The night he found the envelope, he called me immediately and brought it over to me at my office. We decided to start a fire at home to burn it unopened together.

I gave him multiple chances to see what was in it. Just before we put it in the fireplace, he hesitated a little too long, so I grabbed it and slit it open. I had enclosed two notes, one on the calendar for him that said "I thought you promised to show this to me first" and another on the stamped envelope asking OW to send the calendar back to me.

He vaccilated between being happy and hurt....happy that it was NOT from OW afterall, and hurt that he had just witnessed evidence that I could carry out false pretenses.

I even shocked myself and realized that these tests had actually backfired....in trying to build up my trust in him, I was actually giving him a reason NOT to trust me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />!!!

My devious desires to create "tests to build trust" came to a screeching halt that night.

Fortunately, I called the MB radio show the next day and got great counsel on how to rebuild trust.
[/color]

LA,



If OW wanted to find H and me, she would and could. But she is a nothing.....really. NC took too long to accomplish for either of us to violate it now.

You're right....my BS fog has dissapated. But our MC is overly cautious....says that H is especially vulnerable and will be for life. In fact MC initially said that H should not even turn on a computer without someone (preferably me) looking over his shoulder. The fact that we appear to have survived the 4 week separation stronger than before was very impressive to MC and he can't believe how fast we are both changing.

I give God the glory, but He worked through many, including MC and all the MB posters who've helped us the last 4 months.

Thanks,
Acey

MAZ: Part #3


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My husband and I are now learning from our new/old MC that our passive/aggressive behaviors played a huge part in the detachment of our 32 year marriage that contributed to his affair with you.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Do you have some examples of how P/A behaviors? I think it will help me (and maybe others) identify these in our own M.

[color:"red"] MAZ, love to have you jump with me into the thread LA linked on PA behaviors but I'll try to give an example. I'm such a novice I welcome input from any PA experts:

Our MC describes it as "pigs in a blanket" --- meat surrounded with alot of fluff.

Say you want your H to take you to a movie but you want it to be his idea, not yours. And you want him to read your mind and say and do the right thing at the right time. And you get frustrated and even angry when he doesn't.

FLUFF: "Bob and Sue go out to movies all the time." "It sure gets boring sitting around the house every night." "Why don't we ever do anything fun?"

MEAT: "I'd like to see the movie XYZ. Could we go this weekend?"

OR Say your family, after much contemplation moved to another city for your spouses job promotion but you don't want to quit your job so you decide to commute....85 miles....one way....through a metropolitan city......full time nearly every day.

FLUFF: "I'm making all these sacrifices just so you can have your way." "I just want to support you, to show I'm a team player by driving 3 hours to work and 3 hours home every day." "I get up at 3:30 AM to leave for my job at 4:30 AM every morning so I only have to drive 90 minutes instead of 3 hours."

MEAT: I choose to stay at my job and I like to commute.

MAZ....I did both and much much more.....for 32+ years. So did my H. We are learning together and it actually gets quite comical when we catch each other saying something PA.

In a nutshell, I understand PA behaviors to involve beating around the bushes, hoping the root will expose itself, instead of just reaching down and grabbing the root and holding it up for all to see. "Say what you think, share what you feel and ask your spouse specifically to help you accomplish your small task or large goal."

That's what we're working on. It will take time but I'm looking forward to learning from LA's link.

[/color]

MAZ: Part 4

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually, I "failed" and let go on Nov. 10, D-Day #4, when my husband lied about playing those same online games, trying to see if he could resist you if you were online, too. It was the night before our vacation. I agreed that he should go, but when he turned at the door and begged for another chance, I gave in, using the next 10 days together 24/7 as a one-last-chance to prove he wanted to change. We actually had the best time in our marriage up to that point and it’s only gotten better since then.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ace, you agreed he should go, as in leave permanently, or go, as in on the vacation...did you two go on the vacation?

[color:"brown"] MAZ...I'm running out of visible colors...hope you can read this.

After the first 3 D-Days, H offered to just leave....pack up his truck and go....to a campground, not to her, or so he said.

The night I saw the computer history indicated he had played 'their game' over 100 times in the last week (instead of 3-4 times) and he tried to lie until I showed him the history log, we were packing to go on vacation. But when he lied (4th and final strike he agreed to on D-Day #3 three months prior to that night), he said he did not deserve me and that he would leave to go away.

I decided to cancel our flight and take the 10 days to get the house ready to sell since I would not be able to afford the payments alone. (Discovered later that DS and DD had discussed moving back home -- 3 story house --- to pay rent and help me keep it if need be.)

On his way out into the night (insert violins!) H turned at the door and sobbed for another chance....quite pathetic actually. But I had already told an aging family member we would visit across the country, so I decided to give H one more strike....so we took the 10 day vacation to visit that person and were together 24/7 (and had only one little misunderstanding and NO arguments, even when we got lost in our rental car)!!!!!

I think what saved our M was that we read one of the MB books every night and studied the Bible and prayed together. He took the lead and I was thrilled. The key for me, however, was that I was willing to let him go and that surprised him and may have even shocked him into choosing to shed his WS fog.

We had the best vacation we've ever had together, which was amazing considering we did not sleep the night before we left.

[/color]

EDITED TO ADD: I think God may have a sense of humor. When we got on the plane, we discovered we had middle seats across the aisle from each other. The guy on the aisle would not switch, and the window guy was already asleep, so we sat separately for the multiple hour flight. I was running on adrenlin so I didn't sleep, but H seemed to.

After a half hour or so, the window guy awoke and struck up a conversation with me and we chatted the entire 3 hours. When we got to the airport, WH gave me a big hug and I introduced him to window man, who then apologized for not offering to trade his seat. By then I was glad he didn't.

Whether right or wrong, that conversation gave me confidence to know I could make it on my own AND later WH admitted that it helped him shed his fog faster. He saw what it might be like if I moved on and he felt left behind.

I'm actually glad it happened on a beginning flight.....it was as if God was smiling, saying to the angels "watch this." On our return flights, we sat together and talked the entire 7 hours without becoming bored. That was a first.

MAZ: part 5



[color:"purple"] I thought it was the last chapter....even told Mark it was 7 chapters, a perfect 7.

But now you've got me thinking it might just be the beginning.

Maybe we should have an ongoing "Success Story Thread" on the Recovery forum.....sort of like what Mates started before she left on her celebration cruise with her Mr. Incredible.

In the meantime, I'm producing my parents' WWII love story romance dvd....Eph 525 and Dev22 offered to help me so I won't be posting quite as much now that I've completed this portion (chapters 6 & 7) as promised. The bummer is I started it so long ago, I can't edit the MR. ROMANCE title so I may have to start another thread and just move all the chapters over to the new thread.

Thanks for asking MAZ and I'd thank SaturnRising if I could find her. Does anyone recall her saying they would be leaving for a certain time? Maybe she'll check in soon...hope she and MU are doing OK.

EDITED TO ADD: MAZ and LA.....I wrote this late at night and this morning I realize it was passive aggressive:

FLUFF: Maybe she (SaturnRising) will check in soon...wonder if she and MU are doing OK. I hope so since I did the synopsis of #1-5 (Recovery forum) thread on her suggestion and the last time I checked, it's still laying goose eggs in the recovery forum. But at least it was therapeutic for me to write it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> EDITED TO ADD:

MEAT: Would someone please read this thread and comment? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mr. Romance Chapters 1-5 Synopsis


Thanks...I'm learning, slowly but surely,

Ace[/color]

TO ANYONE WHO READ THESE 7 CHAPTERS OF MY MR. ROMANCE:

Our journey may seem smooth now, but I realize it will get bumpy now and then. In fact, the first potential bump happened yesterday morning.

I was inspired by Chrisner and LA to believe LIC who said I am one of God's Beautiful Creations (which makes me smile) so I've created a thread to describe our many "Trials and Smiles" as they occur.

While it's been therapeutic for me to write this, sharing our successes and failures will help with our recovery...and if just one person is inspired, that makes the effort that much more beneficial.

Ace

MAZ,

I meant to look up my previous answer for accuracy but forgot. Sorry. On post #3239283 of this thread, you asked:



If you haven't seen it, check out this article The Boomerang Relationship from the PA thread which describes PA behaviors and how to respond (not react) to those involved with it.

http://www.angriesout.com/couples8.htm

My H was raised with these tendencies ingrained in him....but so was I. MC's analogy of 'pigs in blanket' (meat surrounded by fluff), while accurate, is such a small part of PA behaviors. The anger part is one we have not addressed yet.....when he shows that conponent, we'll deal with it, but so far we have managed to avoid it.

We have so much to learn, but we are starting to catch the 'double messages' (say the opposite of what you mean and hope the other is a mindreader, beating around the bushes).

Let me know what you think.....tons more info on the PA thread. I'll post our successes (and ideas that did not work) on the 'Trials <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />and <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Smiles' thread.

Ace

[color:"red"] There's now a link in my sig line to the MR. ROMANCE Saga Chapters 1-7 now on one thread in the Romantic Experiences Forum.

To God be all the glory for the miracles happening in our marriage. We hope to inspire any who feel like you've wasted your best years on a passion-less, volatile, hopeless relationship like ours was.

Thanks for reading,
Ace[/color]