We will have been married 39 years this month, May 2007. Two mohths ago my wife told me of a brief affair she had 29 years ago. I did not know him or anything about it until now. I have been reading Dr. Harley's book His Needs Her Needs and it is helpful. I probably failed in 4 of the 5 areas myself. My wife is also reading it and we are plannig to talk about each chapter and the quesitons that are with it. Tomorrow we leave for 10 days in California. We are meeting with a Pastor friend of ours for two intense days of discussion, couseling, and prayer. I have great hope for the future.
One thing that that makes this difficult is that for her the affair was 29 years ago, for me, it was two months ago.
Does anyone out there have thoughts, comments, advice, counsel for me?

What sort of "thoughts, comments, advice, counsel" might you be looking for?

We can speculate, but unless you tell us what you are struggling with, it is difficult to offer any specific "advice."

I take it from your post that both you and your wife are born again believers, so understanding how devastating an affair (even one that happened so far the past) is to a Betrayed Spouse, sometimes calling into question even their faith, what are the thoughts you are struggling with and trying to "makes sense of?"

God bless.

123,

Reading HNHN together is great...I would suggest adding "Surviving An Affair" by Harley, also. Gives you insight into different timelines the BS/WS are on for recovery...and validates that for you, the A happened two months ago...due to ten years of lying by omission.

There have been many posters in your shoes...one that comes to mind is "intention"...if you wanted to search out his posts as well as ask specifically for what you need here.

I see all your questions to be actually the same as those of BS of two months ago...and then the extra for the decade of deceit. You've chosen to recover...and you're going away together for 10 days...meeting with a Pastor and you're here...I'd say you are doing all you can and then some!

Give yourself some kudos...and time to recover. Harley says roughly two years to recover...don't rush it.

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LA