I know that you are right of course. What everyone here told me 6 months ago about NC or the affair rekindling almost happened if I hadn't caught the plans before hand.

I will have to live with my decision now because the deed is done. OW called WH(while I was at work) and he told her that it wasn't a good idea for them to start things back up.He said that he and I have been getting along good and we were trying to work things out. He told her that we had a lot of time together and that he loved me. Of course I can't be sure that all of that was said because I didn't hear it.

I told him that the problem with me not hearing was that he wasn't trustworthy and I couldn't be sure that he was telling the truth.

Most people hear don't sound like there as much of a fool as me because again, you are right---he really has had no consequences, no punishment---other than my being angry for a few days and asking a million questions about why he was planning to do this to me AGAIN.

Now I am left with a feeling of distrust. I probably will always have doubts about whether he is talking to her or seeing her again. He can be very slick. He just slipped up the other day by talking to her at our house. This is probably proof that he feels I am easily fooled as well.

There is really no way to check up and see if he's talking to her unless any of you know how to check on linc contacts. He has it through his job so they pay the bill. He must have the linc as part of his job.OW has a linc for her job. He has taken her out of his contact list so she has to call him. She has been doing it for the past year so I don't see this stopping her.

I do feel that he talked to her about not seeing or talking anymore. I'm just not convinced on everything that he says he told her.

I don't think anyone can say it any plainer than what's been said. Bottom line: if he was serious he would do WHATEVER it took to turn this around-- including letting you HEAR the phone conversation with her breaking it off, writing that no-contact letter, etc. I think he's BS'ng you. Sorry.

insecure:

My feelings about your situation is that you are fully entitled to reap the outcome of YOUR decision.

I get the very real sense that you are exactly sure what you are getting. You know the old saying "you get what you pay for"....your living this.

I feel sorrow for you and have compassion for you, but in the end, you are an adult and have to live with the inevitable consequences of your decisions. You have been given every warning and have been warned about this. You will at least have the satisfaction of knowing you made thee choice here.

Goodluck

LM

I haven't been able to respond to your comments because all I can think is "I know, I know."

I am pathetic!

Well, the intent is not to kick you when you are down, but HELP you to HELP yourself.

patheticc woul dbe doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results and whining about it when the inevitable happens.

If you "know"...then DO SOMETHING about it.

You are not giving yourself enough credit.

LM

At this point what can I do except give up on him and kick him out? I don't know of anyway to check up on him. With a linc, there are no phone records, etc. and he doesn't use e-mail or the computer. I work to so I can't spy during the day. All I know to do is keep asking questions about NC.

Insecure...let me ask you something.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE GIVEN CONCRETE PROOF of his affair?

I am interested in that answer.

LM

LM,
I would like to think that I would tell him "That's it!" "Time for you to leave."Even then, I would be thinking that after a small period of separation that he would realize what he was missing and would lose interest in OW because he was missing me so terribly.

Now I say I would like to think that because I"m not 100% sure what I would do. I told myself after he revealed the A a year ago that I would make him leave if he did it again.

Well, even though he supposedly hasn't, he was planning to and that to me is just as bad. At first I said that I wanted him to leave , but then I got tired of being sad and convinced myself as well as to let him convince me that he wants me and is NOW willing to do whatever to keep me.

Who knows? It's probably nieve(spelling?) on my part, but maybe he saw how angry and ready to give up on him I was and he really means it.I feel that he is sincere right now, but he isn't being tempted right now by her because of NC.

So, to answer your question, if I got concrete proof that he has started the A up again, I really feel like I would have to face the heartbreak and tell him that he has to move out. I would still hope in my heart that we could work things out.

I know that my situation may not be much different than everyone elses and I know that everyone feels that I am really gullable---I'm sure I am in many ways---but, I really feel that he loves me and wants to be married to me. I feel like I love him more because I don't WANT to be with anyone else.

Well, it's been quite a while since I was here last. I can't be sure of how things are going for us now. I just can't seem to get the trust back.

I am still so angry at myself for not insisting that WS let me listen to his NC conversation w/ OW. I now can never be sure if he really told her what he says that he told her. Even if he swears to it.

Sometimes I think that the only lesson that he has learned is to be a little more careful so that he doesn't get caught. Part of me feels like he talks with her sometimes but doesn't tell me because he knows that it will upset me. He has told me of a couple of "casual" (supposedly) run ins and I can't help but ask alot of questions.

He assures me all of the time that he doesn't want her and that it is over, but I just can't trust him and.......... he isn't very aggressive at all when it comes to our sex life--which was supposedly where all this stems from. He says that it has nothing to do with me(the same thing I told him for years), but from everything I read here and other places, that is a sign that the A is still going on,

He is very affectionate and loving---just isn't "pawing" all over me like he used to prior to the A. He says that he thinks that it is part of God's punishment for his A. Prior to the A I would have been fine with only having sex once a week. Now, I think that he either has lost"it" for me or that he is bored with me, misses OW, something. I want to believe him, but he doesn't have a great record for telling the truth.

Lately, I find myself obsessed with OW. I want to know what she looks like, where she lives, what she drives, etc. I am about to drive myself crazy worrying about it all, It has been 19 months since the A was revealed to me and 6 months since the near reuniting. Am I over suspicious or does this sound like a red flag? What can I do to settle this in my mind?

You don't have the details on the affair? You need to know who she is, where she lives and what she drives. You need to be able to CHECK to see that the affair is over. Otherwise you are not in recovery.

I do know all of those things. I guess I just feel like I shouldn't need to check up. I feel like I need to be able to just trust that it's over.

Do they still work together?

Yes and no. She has changed positions, but he could possibly run in to her. He only works there part time, probably on the average 3 days a month. He says that he never sees her even when he's working because she works during the week(unless they call her in for something) and he only works part time weekends. I feel like he may actually be telling the truth on this one, but then again, WS are liars,right?