Here is the short version of our history, we have been married 18 years, have four teenage sons. Last year was a bad one for our marrage. Money, jobs, kids, you name it. In November my wife met OM online and started an EA that quickly turned PA and she left the kids and I to move to FL to be with him. After 4 weeks and all the plan Aing I could do, she decided to return. She said she missed the kids terribly and missed me also. I acknowledge my part in our marriage falling apart. I was not affectionate enough and distant. I am sure that most of her EN were not being met.

Now after 10 weeks of being back she is leaving to goback to OM. She admitted not working on the marriage the way that I wanted her to. What I wanted included things like MC, NC, being open & honest about your feelings. All these things were agreed upon by her before her return home. She now says that since her feelings for me did not magically return that she lied to herself to think that our marriage could work. Is this fog babble, the truth, or a bit of both?

I had a feeling when she wanted to come back after only a month that it was too soon. I also question why she wanted to come back at that particular time. Was it money was runnning low, CS was getting ready to kick in, she missed the kids. What? According to her the affair was alive and well. I'm sure all was not well but I don't know what went wrong.

I am doing well and am getting use to the rollercoaster. I find myself in that strange position of wanting to save my marriage but understanding that I may not get a legitamate 2nd chance. When she leaves this time I still believe there will mostly be a time in the future to reconcile. The real question will be, will I still be willing to given all that has happen.

What now do I Plan A again, Plan B or Plan D. All advice is welcome

Soon,

Sorry man. Have you exercised the stick part of plan A (no funding her affair, stay in the home, kids stay with you, EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE the seedy affair and OP to all influential people in their lives, etc)? If not that would be step 1 as far as I am concerned.

This next area is where I may differ from some because I lived it to a degree (not the degree you are living it). When a woman doesn't care enough about her own children to do the right thing by them, would move away with a POS OM in lieu of considering anyone's feelings but their own they are no longer worthy of the title "parent". In addition to the above I would do whatever I needed to do to secure the home, the children and finances ASAP and then go into a dark plan B and let her affair buddy meet all of her needs. I would get a legal document about the children and their custody as well as something about them not going out of state, country nor being exposed to OM or any man not relative of the family.

My two cents.

Thanks H&P I plan on getting sole custody of the kids and have let her know this. She is concerned that she wants them to come visit her and she would like to take the twins (13 yrs) with her if I would let her. I won't and they also have told her that don't want to go with her. So I will continue to work on myself and focus on the kids while waitng to see how this plays out.

Okay, get your legal stuff done. Have your wife agree to custody for you. Have the court determine how much child support she pays. Separate financially.

She needs to enjoy a few of the consequences of her behavior. It sounds like she thinks its just another vacation.