Public adultery:
Is it me or is it that when infidelity is out in the open, the spin that the WW and the OM want to put on the affaire makes it seem horrifyingly “normal”, “okay” or even romantic, a love affaire.

And more, that spin makes my pain and perseverance appear incorrectly to be possessiveness.

This is why my WH went about filing for separation and such immediately.

I exposed the day I found him at her house, and he was embarrassed.

So, he tried to make it look like our marriage had been in trouble for awhile. It was far from that. Unfortunately, some believe him (his parents, brother, etc) but he's not fooling anyone else.

Food for thought: No one has seen him out anywhere with her. I wonder why?

My XH tried to tell me that he thinks God brought him and the OW (23) back together while we were separated. He left us 2 months after his EA towards this girl was exposed and he lost his ministry job. Initially she turned him in. No idea what happened 6 months later.

He also wants to "work on his issues" now so that God will bless their R. They have even talked about him getting back into ministry once they get God's approval for this. How's that for spin...

Yet, for some reason they were keeping their "wonderful God-lead" relationship a secret from everyone until it got exposed that they were in a PA before the D was even discussed and I was in the middle of chemo for cancer.

That sure explains why he didn't want to try to do anything to work on our M.

Hang in there DLK. The Waywards always want to make our perseverance into something that is wrong. My XH has given me the multiple choice of reasons for not trying to work on our M. There was A) he didn't come back because of the shame B) that by me exposing the truth to his Christian boss at the time, I kept him from coming back. C) that he didn't know why he didn't want to be married-he just didn't and felt okay with that and D) he has told me that he never felt like God was telling him to return. The only one he won't admit to is E) "I was pursuing someone young enough to be my daughter and that's why I wouldn't try" which is the truth.

jt,

Did you know that in the early church public adultery was one of only two unforgivable sins? Even apostasy was forgivable with repentance, but not public adultery.

Maybe you should read the latter half of the JustJilly Begin Again thread. MM and FH think they have figured out a way to scripturally justify affair marriages. They provide step by step interpretive logic for nullifying your covenant with God and recognizing OW’s.

ed: I guess it moves around, and spreads like cancer. It seems to be happening here at the moment: Marriage, Divorce & the Bible.

Hogwash, and convoluted, of course, but you might benefit from studying the typical mindset your H and OW will use against you and the church. Even if it takes them ten years to do it.

With prayers,

Bump for whantthistowork faced with flaunting of the affaire by her WH.

I have been obligated to explain to friends and relatives on both sides that
separation is a state of divorce.
That her affaire is extremely hurtful to me.
And of course, why I put up with it and not ask for divorce first.

My WS, took her OM to a family gathering and Christmas months after they started. We were not divorced, and are not yet.

DLK21

At first, public adultery is very humiliating. My ex took OW to family gatherings, to work, church, and different groups we belonged too. He did this even BEFORE I found out. So after D-day, I realized that everyone knew and kept it from me. Looking back, I remembered people stopping talking when I came into the room at work.

However, once I found MB and knew that many supported saving my marriage (whew, thanks, guys), I held my head up and put a smile on my face, and didn't let it bother me.

Now we are divorced. But I still have lots of friends at our work, lots of friend, lots of friends in our neighborhood, our church and everywhere else. Many people later came up and told me they admired me trying to save the marriage.

Ex and OW split up less than 2 weeks after our divorce was final. Ex is very isolated now, and no longer has contact with people - through his own choice.

Our marriage wasn't saved but sometimes I like to think my behavior made a difference to those who were watching - friends, my kids, his kids.

Thanks believer,
Marriage is a very fragile institution here where I live. I believe that the no fault divorce has something to do with its decrease in use and high divorce rate. The extremely low birth rate also, because the importance of creating a stable life to raise kids has less importance with so few children. So many people do not even marry it is frightening. Most of my friends are not married and just do not understand that we are still married and that the OM is sleeping with my wife.

The arrival of women careers may have a bering on it too since they can support themselves and have less of a need for financial support.

Anyway, most people in my entourage have thought that I should be the one initiating the divorce and just give up. This site, with the people here and the professional advice, even if in the end, in my case it turns out to not save my marriage, will at least have saved my belief in it as the best form of love relationship.