I don't know if this is the right forum for this or not but I'm looking for input from others in my situtation.

Three years ago I revealed to my wife of 7 years (at that time) that I had a affair with a co-worker. I have since left that job and moved onto another job(actually my 2nd) and never looked back.

I was asked to move out of our home and leave her and our 3 kids. I was out for a little over a month when we decided together to move me back in and work on things. I have stayed faithful and committed to my cause since I admitted my involvement and have been trying to hold it together ever since. I was told recently that she can not do this anymore, doesn't feel the same about marriage.

I don't know what the time table is for healing but a major issue still exists and she has stated....She CAN NOT forgive me. I've asked her if she can focus on where things began to go wrong and we could attempt to work on those rather than just focusing on my wrong doing.

We've been to counseling but could not afford to continue it and really need it. She states she doesn't want to do counseling b/c it doesn't work. I do want this to work but I feel like the end is upon us or perhaps already came.

I don't know what else to do at this point and am looking here for some support/suggestions from others who are in and have gone through this.

NOt much time. Purchase the book Surviving an Affair, by Harley, and read it. Ask your W to read it as well. There are a few other good books on this subject that might help start a dialogue between you and your W. This won't go away unless changes are made but what changes are effective is something you both need to learn.

Must go.

God Bless,

JL

Hi Guy,

Try to look at it from the BS viewpoint and it might start to make sense. It's not easy to do that unless you've been in the BS shoes and have caught all the flack a WS dishes out. Read what the BS's are going through on MB, and you'll start to understand. When you had the affair, the WS attitude was probably in full force, and she was losing love units at a rapid rate. When the A was revealed, there were more lost love units. She might not have dealt well during that time, lots of anger, resentment and not knowing what to do. You probably did the same back.

If you don't have funds for further MC, it's not all lost. You'll do well to read the Harly's books, I've read 5 of them and they're keepers.

Both of you might have stopped depositing love units from not knowing each other's ENs or trying to fulfill them. It's very draining to go through all that, especially for a BS. She might be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find love units. It's time for you to get active fulfilling as many of her ENs as possible, stop all the love busting, and help her recover from the A.

As a BS, I can sympathize with her, and I can also with you in that you might lose her over it. People make mistakes, others should try to forgive them. A BS will go through anger and resentment after the initial shock and greif of an A. A BS that used to trust, admire, and deeply love their WS, might not afterwards. The view as a BS is quite different than the view as a WS and changes over time. If you haven't been working on filling her ENs in a big way, she might have been out of love for a while now and feel like tossing in the towel.

Work on finding her top ENs, read the Harley's books and figure it out. You have time to do so if you're both still living in the same place. Drop all anger and demands, show her love and caring, talk about whatever she wants to talk about and don't bring up the A if possible other than to say it was a huge mistake and you're sorry you hurt her. Never tell her you could do better than her if she threatens to leave or divorce. That's the WS attitude and it will come back every now and then. Don't let it take you over. Tell her she is the best woman out there and you don't deserve her, which why you married her. Show her lots of affection and don't expect anything back for it. Tell her you'll try your best to help her be happy. Her ENs are your top priority, get to work on them.

When you have time, pray to God and ask for help, healing and guidance for both of you.

God bless,
CS

So your first post 3 years ago was a fictional friend?

You just might learn more if you stick around and post a bit.

In addition to SAA, get "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by Dr Harley.

Will your wife post here?