Me and my ex-wife had been together for 3 years dating and married for almost 5 years. I am 28 and she is 23 we have 2 daughters a 4 year old and a 1 year old. We split up in November of last year. Got a divore it was final March 23. We have argued so much for the past 5 months. And, the passed couples week I told her I didn't want to argue nomore. If we were ever going to work on this that was not the way so tonight I asked her out on a date. And, she said yes but she was not going to make no promises. But, I don't want to do the same stuff we did when we first got together which would be go out to eat and see a movie. Could anyone give so suggestions?

Suggestion number 1... Counseling.

Don't jump into anything. You have to figure out the core cause for the divorce. You were fighting but what was causing the fights???

Did one of you have an affair during all this?

You have to learn to forgive each other also. Can both of you do that?

why get divorced if you want to date? why didn't you try dating while you were married? I know not every single person has to hate to be adversarial with their ex. That's great you two are friendly but the boundary that a divorce puts up - moving on, away from the prvious relationship, recapturing your identity and moving on is now breached. I don't get it.

I told her to leave because I had found out she had a crush on someone and she had done cheated on me 2 times in the past. But we are going to tring to start on a clean slate. We do love each other just got lost along the way we just into a routine.And I wroked days and she worked nights .And, never had time for each other. It was my fault as much as it was hers. I just got boring

So you were 20 and dating a 15yr old??!! If I were her daddy, I woulda had your backside filled with buckshot. It doesn't sound like she's an angel either.

The concepts on this website can help you as a couple just as they help married couples. There are no quick answers though. You have to read them, understand them and put them to practice.

On the right of this screen there is the most popular links on this site. Maybe start off with reading Love Busters and Emotional Needs. Ask your XW if she will fill out the questionanaire with you.

How are your co-parenting skills? Do you have a custody agreement?

You were both very young and immature when you married. Hopefully, maturity is growing with age. It is not your fault that she cheated on you. That was her own choice. You may have had your part in neglecting the marriage but, you are not responsible for her choices and she is not responsible for yours.

wow, i didn't pay much attention to the age factor there.
yup, gotta tell ya, by daughter EVER DATED A 20 YEAR OLD WHEN SHE WAS 15, would not be pretty.
would not have happened. period.

that being said, i think you two know you were wayyyyy to young to be even thinking marriage.
at that age you think it is all fun and games and happily ever after.

i am NOT excusing her affair but i am not surprised. she has been with you since she was 15 for cyring out loud. she prolly got the itch to see what else was out there. you can't make life long decisions at such a young age. she is probably suffocating being married and having 2 kids and still being so young.

this sitch really does not surprise me.

i think personally you should let her go, both of you get some counseling, try to be the best parents you can be. you both need to mature and get your heads on straight. not saying you can't work out in the future, but you were both very very young to be making such adult choices.

i'd not date and both of you work on yourselves and taking care of your babies.

mlhb

If you want a different sort of date, take her out to eat and then for a walk. Stay away from dangerous topics that make you all fight. You need to show her how you two enjoy each other’s company. After she’s been reminded of that, she may be willing to go to counseling or read books about marriage with you.

Do you two go to church? Some pastors have done training in helping couples. I know

When I got married, I thought self-help books were stupid. I wouldn’t have touched one with a ten-foot pole. After all, relationships are common sense. Good relationships should come naturally. Love conquers all. I was wrong on every count. This is a great place for support and input. Read everything on this site: The basic concepts, letters, articles and all the stuff on infidelity. I think you’ll be inspired.

If you're fighting over the kids, maybe enroll in a parenting class. Some communities offer them at very reasonable prices. That could be the cheapest date yet! LOL.

She had just turned 16 and I was still 19. When we got together. To clear all that up

My suggestion... don't marry her again.

manasco1979,

I think it's great that you two decided to start a new beginning. Congratulations!

First of all, I highly suggest you (and her) read the articles here http://www.womensinfidelity.com. It's not that YOU got boring per se, but that nearly every marriage loses its passion after 1-3 years. That's when women start to get restless and "bored" and get crushes on other men. It's a very common thing, but dangerous if the woman doesn't realize what's really going on. Working opposite shifts certainly doesn't help. So you need to keep the passion alive throughout - not just at the beginning.

And definitely get Dr. Harley's book "His Needs, Her Needs."

As for creative dates...let's see. Roller rink? Picnic in a park? Live play, theater, opera? Boat ride or cruise - which one depends on your funds, of course. DVD at home with some fancy drinks? Mudslides are good. If you live in a university town, sometimes there are interesting speakers you can get tickets to. Ball game? Museum? Ah...why didn't I think of this first...an amusement park. My husband and I went to one for our honeymoon. I don't like scary rides, but if you both do, it could work in your favor to go on one with her. Fear gets the adrenalin going, which will make you look more exciting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />