What are other causes why people cheat? I can think of low self esteem,
philandering, money, boredom, loneliness, sexual problems, abusive
relationship, adventure, sex, couple not getting along, mentally ill, sex
addict, lack of love, lack of sex, lack of communication, and fear? What
are other reasons that I have not listed as to why people cheat? I am
studying why people cheat for my psychology class.

I am also curious in hearing your thoughts as to why do some people cheat
habitually? Can people who habitually cheat love their spouses? Are they
too selfish to love their spouses? How does one plan to cheat on their
spouses and to have no intention of keeping to their vows? Are they immoral
or weak human beings?

People who are habitually unfaithful and have numerous relationships would
not worry about infidelity. It seems to me like they do, but like I have
written they lack the morals and the understanding of love. They may even
love their families but they are troubled people in need of help.

I think perhaps the primary reason that people cheat is that they believe that being with the other person will somehow magically alleviate whatever pain they are experiencing.

That pain may be caused by any number of your aforementioned conditions, or it may be rooted in something else. But, the bottom line is that the affair is like an addiction that temporarily makes a person forget his/her pain. Of course, as with all addictions, what seems to be the path of least resistance is always the most difficult path in the long run.

Affairs are short-sighted attempts at peace of mind.

Just my .02

Thanks for listening

Look up the word "entitlement".
Mulan

Then turn to "lack of integrity."

"opportunity knocks"

Always looking for "something" that will solve whatever problem(s) they have. Sometimes they are simply self absorbed.

"lack of integrity". It is certainly dishonest and selfish.

Cheating usually CAUSES low self esteem because there isn't much there to esteem when one is acting sleazy.

They fear their own aging, virility, beauty, abandonment and mortality...so...they feel entitled to do anything that helps them escape their own angst in knowing that they are ultimately alone. In short....they aren't sure they are alive and they are fearful and weak (for a short time....or a lifetime). They need external reinforcement to be sure of their own power.

And it is so sad.

Because it only reinforces their fears.

The fantasy of an affair:

No kids screaming in the middle of the night.
No bills to pay.
No dirty laundry.
No having to actually communicate with another person and try to resolve differences.
No house to clean.
No lawn to mow.
No dinner to cook.
No dishes to wash.
No teacher conferences or getting called to the Principal's office because your kid(s) did something they should know was wrong.
No groceries to buy.
No job related stress to deal with.
No 401k to monitor.
No responsibilities of any kind...
No waking up next to someone who you know gained twenty pounds in the last ten years.
No seeing each other in sweat pants and a tee shirt after painting the house all day.
No need to actually care what the other person thinks of your actions.
No limits on what is acceptable behavior.

All you have to do is stroke and be stroked.

Because "I deserve to be happy."
Because "I am tired of giving to everybody else all of the time."
Because "It makes me feel good about myself."
Because "I have too much stress in my life."
Because "I married too young."
Because "It's time for me to do something for me."

Sounds like the ideal life on Fantasy Island to me...

And when the "newness" wears off, just look for another one.

On a more serious note...

Naw, we'll save that for another thread on another day...

Mark

How many affairs qualify as someone having multiple affairs? 2 or more
many affairs? more than 3
numerous affairs? more than 3.
I was wondering because those terms have been used around a lot and I am just curious. :lol: Does the set amount even matter?

"Multiple" is more than ONE.

This thread is some days old now. But I had to share my thoughts on this topic. Take them for what they are worth <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Multiple affairs are in some way more difficult and in some ways easier to cope with than affairs with only one OP.


Serial cheating shows more clearly that the underlying problem is a hole in the character and emotions of the WS.
Thus it should be easier to let go of the comparisons the BS usually obsess with. Is the OP prettier? More sexy? More manly? Better in bed? The fact that there are many OP's is a screaming testimony that the problem lies with the WS. This is even truer if there is more then one OP at the same time.

So, the BS can rest from the worries that there is something wrong with him/ her. Is then everything OK? No!
A serial cheater gives very poor prospects to a lasting recovered M.
There are serial cheaters who have recovered and permanently altered themselves. There are several of those here in the MB forums.

BUT still, every BS finding themselves with a serial cheater should consider very carefully whether it is really worth it to try to recover the M. Tearful eyes and many promises are not enough to build a safe future on in these cases. Even if the tears and promises are honest and from the hearth. The underlying problem remains. Sometimes it IS better to cut the losses, move on and build a new life.

I don't believe like some do that everyone is just a moment away from an affair. There are people that simply draw a line in the sand at some things, adultery, murder, stealing, etc.

AND, I certainly believe there are people that even after having an affair would most assuredley not leave their family for the OP and see it for what it was, a fling, a bad, immoral and selfish decision that filled a hole temporarily. Those waywards that actually leave children and all for the OP they barely know in most cases are out of their minds and sick in my humble opinion.